Is masturbation the new black? (WARNING WARNING WARNING THIS IS SO NOT WORK SAFE)

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Ah, the mysteries of life...

― Martin Heidegger, Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

masturbation has never gone and will never go out of style

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Any tips on how to stylishly masturbate then?

― Susan (Susan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Where to begin.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

The trick is not to get anything on your smart outfit.

― Captain Typo (kenan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Being a woman helps.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm quite stylish when I masturbate with my pink glitter dildo.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

you are also EVIL.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Wha? Strongo, I didn't say "when I masturbate with my devil horn butt plug." jeez. . .

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

You have one of those too?

― Captain Typo (kenan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

The horns are what make it, really.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like the single damp sock I've occasionally found under my boyfriend's bed. Now that's just not stylish.

Self-pleasuring women may be a seventies porn cliché (or even a David Lynch cliché), but for men, discretion is the better part of stylishness.

― Susan (Susan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

btw that post above was in answer to the original question, not the spillage issue.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

On the rare occassion I've been able to persuade a boy to pleasure himself in front of me, I like.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

i find watching masturbation almost uncomfortably good.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

rare occasion? how hard can it be (boom boom etc.)

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

No, sorry, having a man wanking in front of me is no kind of turn-on. But my deepest darkest fantasies involve a man watching me while I do it.

― Susan (Susan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I have the same fantasy!

― Captain Typo (kenan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

ILE has gone wrong again.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Watching a woman masturbate = classic.
A woman who wants to watch me masturbate = classic.
A woman who wants me to masturbate very very near her = classic.
A woman who can't help but join in and help = k-classic.

― Captain Typo (kenan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

these are all really calum

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think Calum has a monopoly on wanking.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, don't call me calum. I just masturbated for a boy day before yesterday. *sigh*. afk. . .

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I fell off the smut tree a long time ago, it seems :(

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

huh huh huh huh sticky huh huh huh huh huh wangfist

― beavis (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i agree with everything kenan said.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Except for very specialized circumstances, I have never seen anyone wear masturbation.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

But do you put masturbation in the wash?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

its a new calvin klein scent "Masturbation" w. a hint of ass for the ladies.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

But do you put masturbation in the wash?

You'd have to, else how to get clean for another round?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

fuck no. my masturbation is dry-clean only.

― phil-two (phil-two), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is wrong somehow.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

its a new calvin klein scent "Masturbation" w. a hint of ass for the ladies

Best worn with diamonds.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

And Kleenex(TM).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I fell off the smut tree a long time ago, it seems :(

and hit every branch on the way down!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't even know what that means.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I was going to post that too teeny, but stumbled at the 'knowing what it meant' stage.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

you're all deprived pervs, u know that right??

― Vic (Vic), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

see nick, never let that kind of shit stop you.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Is masturbation the new black?

TS : Little black dress VS little wank dress

― Sommermute (Wintermute), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Watching a man masturbate = classic.
A man who wants to watch me masturbate = classic.
A man who wants me to masturbate very very near her = classic.
A man who can't help but join in and help = k-classic.

Okay, so I'm not original, but it all still applies.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean:

A man who wants me to masturbate very very near HIM = classic.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Luna's freudian slip: mega-classic

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, ok, it can and has gone both ways.

So, to update, the full and complete truth:

Watching a man masturbate = classic.
A man who wants to watch me masturbate = classic.
A man who wants me to masturbate very very near him = classic.
A man who can't help but join in and help = k-classic.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Random naked hairy fat guy masturbating behind Boston Market dumpster at midnight:30 jumping out when me & my friend Christina are taking out the trash = dud.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I was a little confused when I first (mis)read the title of this thread, as the stuff that comes out when I masturbate is white, not black. I was worried there was something wrong with me for a second there.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

There IS B, but it's not that.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I spawn babies with squid ink.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 18:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Octolicious.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.pell.portland.or.us/~russell/Squid.jpg

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 169 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

id love to jerk off secretly on universtiy challenge or something

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 7 August 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.speedyartonline.com/ProdImages/SADAL59.JPG

every morning, and i mean EVERY MORNING, when i come (er...ahem) downstairs, i am greeted cheerfully by my dear wife w/a variation on thee following words:

"did you have a nice one"

"i heard you"

"was there a lot"

this wether i've cracked one off or not. when i tell her i haven't, she doesn't believe me!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

too funny!

― fields of salmon (fieldsofsalmon), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

was there a lot
you should cup the stuff, and present it to her one morning. i guarentee she'll never ask you again

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Nobody questioned Eyeball Kicks's claim above?? What kind of film was this, I wonder.

― Sean (Sean), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:56 (twenty-two years ago)

+!@# +!@# +!@# +!@# +!@#~ when we were having "fertility problems" i had to "do one" to order! At a certain time of the day, no less! Then I had to get the bus to the hospital, with the little vial in my bag! I remember sitting on this bus, with all these people blethering away all around me, and thinking "if only you knew what I've got in here"

ahem...

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Sean, I think nobody wanted to take that on-ramp.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Nobody questioned Eyeball Kicks's claim above?? What kind of film was this, I wonder.

It was a good film. But not a box-office smash. It was a kind of porn film, but nice. Lots of good scenes. My friend rubbing herself all over a cash machine, pulling off her clothes, yelling "I GIVE YOU TITS FOR MONEY, YEAH?" A lesbian scene where one girl put on a mammoth strap on dildo only to have the other say, "You look ridiculous - get the fuck out of my house". And then there was me, stuffing Quorn chicken-flavour slices up my bum, and then coming in my own face while singing Skeeter Davis's "The End of the World".

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

where can i buy this?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Your best bet is in some charity shop near my house. The sleeve and label will just look like any normal Three Tenors video.

― Eyeball Kicks (Eyeball Kicks), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

A sock? haven't you people ever heard of kleenex?

Hey, I used Kleenex until I was 21. Then, I got hip to this little mantra I call REDUCE, REUSE, RECYCLE. Your wastefulness makes me sick.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)

(Also, why the hyperbolic warning about this not being work-safe, when it's just a couple dildos?)

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:56 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah its not like we've got hasselhoff rutting away at banderas or anything too cool like that

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 7 August 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

If my jizz is the downfall of modern civilization, I'll fully apologize.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 7 August 2003 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

bit late for that. i've already loaded up me gun.

it's like 12 Monkeys, only humanity is MUCH more embarrassed about why they had to go underground.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 8 August 2003 05:01 (twenty-two years ago)

hi, i'm unamerican, and i'm here! i adore this thread. it makes me wish i had money.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Friday, 8 August 2003 08:01 (twenty-two years ago)

money?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 8 August 2003 08:03 (twenty-two years ago)

as in 'shot'

― oops (Oops), Friday, 8 August 2003 08:06 (twenty-two years ago)

lemme get my webcam...

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Friday, 8 August 2003 08:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't understand why there's an odd round hole in my new keyboard, but now I realise it's for fucking when ILX gets dirty.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

they make keyboards like that. this sort of reminds me of the whole http://www.fu-fme.com/ thing (link is probably not work safe, although not at all pornographic either, just some automated toys)

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

should be a question mark after my first sentence

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:22 (twenty-two years ago)

masturbation ain't the new black. masturbation is the old pink.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 8 August 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

A late bday present: http://shop.adultshop.com.au.speedera.net/shop.adultshop.com.au/images/l4images/0449818204.jpg

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 8 August 2003 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Red marbly! I like!

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Friday, 8 August 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

How did I miss this thread? I can't find any good pics, but Toys in Babeland on Rivington Street has a great selection of cute vibes and a female-friendly atmosphere.

http://www.babeland.com/

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 07:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Luna, I feel something approaching jealousy.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Are the balls to stop it getting lost?

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think they would prevent that

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Awww, Kenan, when's your birthday, sug? I'll hook you up.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

A couple of my collection are from Babes in Toyland. Which is right across the street from the corner Paul's Boutique was shot at!!

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I think they've finally changed the name of that little cafe at the orginal sight back to Paul's Boutique.

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

It never was paul's boutique! that was made up. . .

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I meant that the cafe decided to capitalize on the Paul's Boutiqe heritage.

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Bastards. . . I do not approve.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Toys in Babeland is a Seattle institution! I rented many a classic "film" there during my last stretch of living here.

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry Sam! From Gawker.com:

"1/22/2003: Lots of neighborhood news to catch up on this week. Let's start closest to home (well, my home)... Tiny brunch haven Rivington 99 (Rivington @ Ludlow), closed for the last month for renovations, has remade itself rather dramatically. Think Jewel Bako meets Butter, all in a 20x20 space. The menu appears blessedly unchanged, but they've gone and tarted up the name. In honor of the Beastie Boys album of the same name (cover art for which was shot on this very corner), it's now known as Paul's Boutique."

It's a crap place anyway, I mean, I would understand the size of the place/seating density if it was in Tokyo, but... Who calls a restaurant "Paul's Boutique"?

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

(I don't mean to imply that TIB is Seattle-based--think it may've started in SF, actually--but it is a grate shop and wanted to throw my vote in for it, yay)

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

If anyone ever comes up to me and says 'hey is your tattoo of that little cafe across from the sex toy shop in nyc?", they die.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the store started in Seattle and then opened shop also in NY. I think Seattle and NY are the only ones. SF has "Good Vibrations," which is similarly female-centric, but not quite as cute. Where is your tattoo, Sam?

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

you're right, Mary. thanks

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I love how I manage to turn this thread into shopping.

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:20 (twenty-two years ago)

It's on my back Matos. Right across from the tat of the sex toy shop. . .

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:39 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.guavamag.com/features/images/lipstick.jpg

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:54 (twenty-two years ago)

two weeks pass...

*whistles innocently*

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 23:34 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

While we're reviving random threads (thank you, random thread search!), this is one of the funniest, dirtiest ever.

― Smokin' funk by the boxes (kenan), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 04:05 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.verdammte-scheisse.com/dickhardtstrasse.jpg

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 04:17 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.xandria.com/images/shop/products/155_225x225.jpg
http://www.xandria.com/images/shop/products/3585_225x225.jpg
http://www.xandria.com/images/shop/products/2557_225x225.jpg
http://www.xandria.com/images/shop/products/3577_225x225.jpg
and don't forget: http://www.xandria.com/images/shop/products/145_225x225.jpg

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 06:51 (twenty-one years ago)

That third one ain't looking too healthy.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah it actually doesn't look quite that sickly.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

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