Why penises are the way they are

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Allegedly.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 7 August 2003 01:49 (twenty-three years ago)

mmm, sloppy seconds anyone?

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Thursday, 7 August 2003 01:54 (twenty-three years ago)

yeah ok

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 7 August 2003 01:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought they were specifically shaped for the amusement of us voyeurs.

I guess I need to go back and read-up on my biology and physiology again.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 7 August 2003 01:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Great accompanying photo there. "I'm going to remove the semen of love rivals, baby!"

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Thursday, 7 August 2003 02:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I always knew Lucy was a skeezer.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 7 August 2003 02:49 (twenty-three years ago)

could scoop out more than 90% of the cornstarch mixture with just one thrust.

interesting way to use grant money.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 7 August 2003 02:54 (twenty-three years ago)

I wonder if this research is funded by some right-wing religious group intent on proving that even God thinks all women are ho-bags and tweaked the design of the penis to allow for this flaw in our nature ....

― jewelly (jewelly), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Jewelly...

Deutoronomy 31:7

"When thou cumest into thy neighbour's wife, thou mayest respond with anger towards thy ho-bag, for she hath changed and forsaken God's image of the phallus."

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:09 (twenty-three years ago)

I forgot how nasty the Old Testament can be. Yeesh!

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I gotta read that shit

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Janet 2:15 'thoust smooth and shiny feels so good against mine lips sugar'

― nnnh oh oh nnnh nnnh oh (James Blount), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah, but what about Esther 12:9 --

"And between Thy legs I shall make a phallus both most comical in design, which will serve as a source of amusement for thy women, who are in every way superior to you and who shall have as many reasons to point and laugh at you as there are stars in the Heavens, sayeth the LORD."

Good ol' Esther.

― jewelly (jewelly), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Note the research's implication that size does matter!

― nabisco (nabisco), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:26 (twenty-three years ago)

They needed research to prove that?

― rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 7 August 2003 03:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Scientists: Proving the obvious more and more every day!

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 7 August 2003 04:07 (twenty-three years ago)

the photo there sorta looks like john leslie - could the bbc possibly be that evil clever?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 7 August 2003 07:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Euw, that's gross! Penises, well they just are!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 7 August 2003 08:46 (twenty-three years ago)

I never considered the penis as being useful for scooping things up before. Maybe I could ask erect men to help me measure out ingredients for cake-baking or something.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 August 2003 09:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Mine is a 1/4-cup size foreskin.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 7 August 2003 09:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Get yourself round to my kitchen asap then.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 August 2003 09:58 (twenty-three years ago)

"Hi, I've just come to help you bake a cake"
"You'd better come in then, the oven's just over....here"

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 7 August 2003 12:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't forget this racks up another point for 'shooting' vs. 'dribbling' in the darwin stakes, plus keep in mind that actually pleasing yr lady actually helps as well since female orgasm causes muscles in the vagina to contract and helps yr deposit along up the plumbing

Sex is the single most crucial part of the evolutionary cycle and I'm never surprised to find out that all the relevant parts are so well designed - there's little room to leave anything to chance.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Penises are lovely.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Thursday, 7 August 2003 19:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Have you ever looked at a penis? I mean, really looked at a penis?

― Chris P (Chris P), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Why yes - yes I have.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:10 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris, that sounds like the beginning of the worst comedy chorus ever.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:11 (twenty-three years ago)

another thing abt female orgasm in homo sapiens is that it keeps them prone for a little while - standing up and walking upright as humans are known to do immediately after insemination is none too good for jizz retention

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:50 (twenty-three years ago)

mmm... prone.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:51 (twenty-three years ago)

Now if somebody could come up with an honest-to-goodness logical sounding reason for big bouyant boobies besides "well they resemble the buttocks and inspire ape-brained males to want to have frontal sexxx" (which is one of the most inane things I've ever heard) then I'd be impressed

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Chris, that sounds like the beginning of the worst comedy chorus ever.

It makes for even worse swing choir.

― donut bitch (donut), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:52 (twenty-three years ago)

Let me tell you a secret, standing up and walking about 45 minutes to an hour later isn't any better for jizz retention, either. Fucking dripping all over the place, what in the fuck.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 7 August 2003 20:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Prone, or supine?

― rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 7 August 2003 22:32 (twenty-three years ago)

"SQUEEEEZE MAH LEMON
til the juice runs down--*"

nevermind.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 7 August 2003 22:32 (twenty-three years ago)

oh yeah, supine. sorry.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 7 August 2003 22:35 (twenty-three years ago)

ha ha. i think it's funny none of the scientists did the "experiment" themselves; using instead "latex phalluses, an artificial vagina and a mixture of starch and water".
haha ha aaahhhhh – the lonely life of a scientist.

― dyson (dyson), Friday, 8 August 2003 03:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Rub it in their faces, why don't you.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 8 August 2003 03:50 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd like to see the ad that they'd place looking for volunteers.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 8 August 2003 04:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe that's what those "SAFE SEX GET PAID" ads on the back of the Voice are about?

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 8 August 2003 04:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Hell. You may well be on to something there. *laughing*

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Friday, 8 August 2003 04:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally, do you not actually know what those ads are about?

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 8 August 2003 04:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Why penises are the way they are

(a) rotten parents. (b) rotten siblings. (c) rotten schools. (d) rotten role-models. (e) an innate disposition towards being a penis. (f) any or all of the foregoing.

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 8 August 2003 04:19 (twenty-three years ago)

(a) rotten parents. (b) rotten siblings. (c) rotten schools. (d) rotten role-models. (e) an innate disposition towards being a penis. (f) any or all of the foregoing.

wait, this is John Lydon's autobio all summed up in one line, innit?

Points for Tad, then.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 8 August 2003 04:56 (twenty-three years ago)

So the secret is to induce female orgasm, then hit them on the head so they remain supine for an hour or so?

(scribbles notes)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 8 August 2003 09:43 (twenty-three years ago)

on a vaguely related note: i was told recently if you put your balls in a cup of ice for an hour beforehand then you last like 3 times as long. is this actually true? anyone tried it?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 09:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I find you lose all interest as soon as you've cut them off and don't even wind up sewing them back on never mind having sex again.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 8 August 2003 09:49 (twenty-three years ago)

About this female orgasm helps the semen along... so if I come first am I doing it wrong?

― Susan (Susan), Friday, 8 August 2003 09:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Female orgasm?

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 8 August 2003 10:24 (twenty-three years ago)

the thrust of the penis during sex may help to clear a woman's reproductive system of a previous lover's semen.

Aha! The best new birth control: Have sex constantly with different partners!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:42 (twenty-three years ago)

I heart the way you're thinking.

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:48 (twenty-three years ago)

but you'd need to be going at it round the clock forever for that method to work?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Is this a downside?

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Exactly! It's fool-proof!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

where should we start queuing?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:51 (twenty-three years ago)

The crotch.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:52 (twenty-three years ago)

I was just being a good catholic, using the rhythm method.

― Annabel Chung (daveb), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:58 (twenty-three years ago)

hasnt her record been broken now?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Friday, 8 August 2003 12:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Must...resist...smutty...and...really...quite...misogynistic...gag

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 8 August 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Right there with ya, Dave.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 8 August 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

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