When you finally shed your mortal coil, what do you want the smug narrator to say about your unfortunate death?

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ala _Beyond the Valley of the Dolls_.

"...and Kingfish, so eager to for the love and adoration of others, he forgot to love himself..."

http://www.dollsoup.co.uk/zman.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 10 August 2003 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

He tampered in God's domain.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 10 August 2003 23:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I just want someone to say something smug and james bond -esque like;
'they'll print anything these days'
or
'gives a new meaning to calling a spade a spade'

― Nellie (nellskies), Sunday, 10 August 2003 23:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I guess the pedestrian doesn't always have the right of way.

― Jodi (Celerina), Sunday, 10 August 2003 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

"He was 'the big one' to humanity's Fred Sanford."

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 10 August 2003 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

(I was going to say "Fred Sanford's humanity" but I decided it'd be a goal too obscure to achieve)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 10 August 2003 23:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Regardless of her death, her perk lived on.

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 10 August 2003 23:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Bird 1: There goes a real sack of crap! Bird 2: Indubitibly old chum!

― oops (Oops), Monday, 11 August 2003 00:24 (twenty-two years ago)

"In the end, he just ate too much pizza."

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 11 August 2003 00:26 (twenty-two years ago)

The stain she left remained (to nobody's surprise) til the pavement was replaced.

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Monday, 11 August 2003 00:38 (twenty-two years ago)

good, good, all good suggestions, folks, but we need more smug moralizin'!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 11 August 2003 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Mum and Dad may have sentenced her to life, but her own liver sentenced her to death.

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Monday, 11 August 2003 01:12 (twenty-two years ago)

He died and was buried, and descended into Hell; and on the third day he rose again to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

― Jesus (Chris Piuma), Monday, 11 August 2003 01:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ally Kearney, wtf?"

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 01:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ally Kearney, wtf?"

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 11 August 2003 07:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"Wish I'd never turned up to that fite with doomie"

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 11 August 2003 07:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"Bingo"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 11 August 2003 09:59 (twenty-two years ago)

"oh, fuck"

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 11 August 2003 10:09 (twenty-two years ago)

'Better her than me!'

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

"No one in the world ever gets what they want and that is beautiful. Everybody dies frustrated and sad and that is beautiful." < /shatner>

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Dammit luna, I was gonna say "It should've been you!"

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Instead I will say "I love my dead gay Tep!"

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

"Had he fastened his own mask first, the passengers of Flight 770 might have stayed dry that day. But following instructions was never his strong suit. As he fumbled with his child's mask, oblivious to the screams of the other passengers imploring him to open the exit door—the pressure-loss rendering their voices insensible shrieks—his fingers lost their famous nimbleness, his oxygen-starved capillaries heaved one last time, and the great Internet typist fell heavily against the cabin wall."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

there ya go, Tracer, that's the spirit!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 11 August 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

"the last beautiful free soul on this planet"

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 11 August 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

"She died the way she lived...with her sandals on and struggling to reach out to other people."

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 11 August 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"the great Internet typist"!!!! I'm totally jacking that.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 11 August 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Her death showed just how little she had constibuted to the world, as her body lay decomposing, covered with fly larva and gnawed upon by her outcast pets, for over six weeks before her neighbors complained about the height of the grass in her yard affecting their real-estate values. The Code-Enforcement representative from the Home Owners Association found her to be in an advanced state of decay, with many of her organs having been liquified in the heat. He reported that the stain she left on the shag carpet could not be removed, even with repeated professional carpet shampooings, so he relaced her body and called the proper authorities, once he had arranged for an emergency visit by the yard maintenance personnel; he knew that the local news stations would play-up the unattractive yard, being over taken by the jungle-like grass and weeds and vines, and that such negative publicity would mean that his ex-wife would refuse to sign the divorce decree as the assessed value of the house that she had received in the settlement would now be worth less cash and therefore she'd want his wages to be garnished as well.

Her computer, books, and other worldly remains were placed under injunction by the local judiciary, and were eventually auctioned-off at a flea-market to raise money that was given to her neighbors as partial reimbursement for their lowered property values. The crackers and local rednecks who purchased her CD collection reported that they made excellent coasters and when broken also worked well for skinning alligators and disembowling armadillos. Her books were donated to locally needy families who used the texts for interior heating, burning them in the theory that if they made their single-wide really hot inside then the humidity outside would not be nearly as oppressive. The only books salvaged were those of a blatantly sexual nature, which were used on weekdays to teach sex-ed at the local pre-school and on weekends by revivalist preachers as an example of degradation of morals in the world. No one wanted her coputers, so they eventually came to reside in the swamp known as a local landfill, where they continue to leach harmful chemicals into the ecosystem and where there has been a significant increase in mutant frogs and turtles and the alligators have sprouted wings. A long-time supporter of wildlife, we are certain that she is pleased with this legacy.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 11 August 2003 18:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Nobody knew who got his CDs.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 11 August 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

Many bystanders said it was rather hilarious but generally indescribable. All that was gathered from the report was that it involved an aardvark and a quadraphonic sound system.

His records and books vanished in the night, accompanied by a monstrous roaring similar to the effect of playing Current 93's "Raio No Terrasu" backwards at 78 RPM.

― J.H. Malerman (xada_hgla), Saturday, 16 September 2006 20:30 (nineteen years ago)

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