Who Screwed Pizza Christ?

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Four boys from the South rolled up out the Holland Tunnel on a Saturday afternoon blasting Immigrant Song out the open windows of the car and proceeded to kill 23 cans of PBR out of a cooler with barely any ice in it on the Upper West Side and then busted loose on the subways with straws and paper bags getting boozed up ghetto stylee and then found themselves at The Magician surrounded by hot young ladies and well you know what goes on at the Magician, people get horribly drunk and then wander off to strip clubs where nobody pays much attention to the strippers and Luke didn't actually throw up after like two triple shots of Jagermeister and Anthony got interviewed by the NY Times and we pushed this table around and then Luke bought a 40 and lurched into the bar with it while a burning cigarette was still dangling from his mouth and the doorman didn't say a thing but the bartender did and then there was like I dunno more drunkenness or something and confusion regarding how to open the locks on some doors and some people ended up sleeping amongst fancy office cubicles and dude like WTF next day the sheets are covered in BBQ sauce and everybody is exhausted so we sat around and drank all the rest of the beer and smoked a grip of cigarettes and VH1 Classic was playing the best shit ever again and like it took us six hours to get home because sometimes after you have a really amazing 24 hour once-in-a-lifetime experience (this is not my beautiful house!!) you just get jacked right in the ass with traffic and bad weather to remind you that you are actually not a team of superheroes but damn if we didn't come close.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

You forgot the part where Luke screamed that I was the devil and threw a pizza box at me. Also when you made out with him.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone sign me up for a Millar-weekend.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Here's a picture of him at the Magician!

http://www.physics.purdue.edu/~bp/pics/sealab/murphy.jpg

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Millar-weekends are available every weekend from here until I get killed minus a few national holidays like Thanksgiving and Xmas where I have to fulfill filial obligations and make face time with the blood relatives, starting at only $300 (you must provide your own xportation to either Baltimore, DC or NYC) (selection of crazy buddy entourage may differ)

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:23 (twenty-two years ago)

The above fee includes all drinks, meals, tobacco products and any fancy ass shit I may or may not impulsively buy for you from random boutiques on the street

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmm. *checks bank balance*

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:32 (twenty-two years ago)

This sounds promising.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 11 August 2003 04:40 (twenty-two years ago)

that's it. I'm moving to new york.

― Dan I., Monday, 11 August 2003 05:03 (twenty-two years ago)

god damn it did I make the wrong decision abt the balto thing.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 11 August 2003 06:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Hesh wants sex!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 11 August 2003 07:41 (twenty-two years ago)

SEX!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 11 August 2003 07:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Also:
1. Wade-a-palooza 2003
2. Guy in bunny suit
3. I can't remember but it hurts

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 11 August 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

My office smells like cigarettes. What in the fuck. I didn't have to pay no $300 and I got four of you people, I feel special.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha man I just remember the whole jager scene, why did we do that? It was like a terrible movie.

(LUKE staggers towards bar, trying to decide what he wants to drink for his 57th drink. ALLY approaches)
ALLY: So...want to do shots?
LUKE: NO.
ALLY: I'm in a terrible mood. It'd cheer me up. Come on. Let's do shots.
LUKE: NO!
ALLY: Pleeeeaaaaaase?
(BARTENDER is amused, approaches)
BARTENDER: C'mon, do shots with the lady. What the hell is the matter with you?
LUKE: NO! Give me your cheapest beer.
ALLY: I'll take an amstel.
BARTENDER: Oooh she's expensive!
LUKE: FUCK her, she's not my girlfriend.
ALLY: We also will be needing shots of something.
LUKE: GOD no. Ok ok, let's do...ummm....red headed slut.
BARTENDER: (didn't hear LUKE) What?
LUKE: CHRIST I'M FROM THE SOUTH!!!!

(for some reason I was thinking about this walking to work this morning and I almost died laughing, what does that last comment mean?)

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

my PBR did not afford me such pleasure this weekend.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 11 August 2003 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Come to NYC! Disclaimer: you might wish you were dead afterwards. Like I do, right now. Oh my god.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Newwwwwww York City!

Dear God, people. Remind me to never do that again. I'm getting old now. Did I mention that? The big two - seven.

and Luke, I apologize for the layer of grease I am covering your keyboard with right now.

I know the answer to the Pizza Christ question. He didn't get laid. Pizza Christ is on haitus. There was a time (around 2:47 to be exact) that Pizza Christ thought about straying from his sexless high road but then it was forgotten. I think that's the time Luke stumbled in (flaming dice shirt and all) with the cig and foty and the entire bar let out a collective slow-motion "Noooooooooooooooooooo!" Next time these kids tell you they are rock stars, don't believe 'em. Rock stars have responsibilities. Rock stars are straight up white collar compared to the self distruction I witnessed this weekend.

Lessons learned this weekend
one! falling asleep curled up in a cubicle = nowhere near as comfortable as it might have seemed. I'm still hurting.

two! NYC has been sucessfully brainwashed into thinking smoke causes cancer. Smoke causes cancer? Lung cancer? Myth! What's next, outlawing honking?

three! Hipsters are hipsters everywhere. All equally self-destructive, Grandaddy listenin' hip-sters. I'm tired of black, people, give me a new color.

I want some more.

― Jarvis Breakdown (Pizza Christ), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF next day the sheets are covered in BBQ sauce

You cannot let this go unexplained.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

By the way... residents of 8932... I yelled at the little kid next door. Old. and authoritative, dammit. He was banging on the front door, screaming and crying. Dakota rage. I said "Chilllll little man. Whatever it is, it ain't worth it" and then wondered if that's how I'm going to talk to my own children. "Hush now, child. Everything's gonna be allllllllright. And if ya don't? Ya dad's gonna put a whoopin' on you"

God, I hope I get to say "whoopin" at least once in my parental career.

WHOOPIN'

yep.

Oh yeah, there was a point. The kid didn't like it and went in to tell his mom. So, uh, they might be mad at you guys for awhile.

My bad.

― Jarvis Breakdown (Pizza Christ), Monday, 11 August 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, PC, you, Luke & Tom are my favoritest people in the entire history of mankind, I love you more than I love even Falco.

Matt, you so do not want to hear the explanation for the BBQ sauce. The laundry people are going to be all like, "Whoa this girl is a total freak, she brings in 500lbs of laundry at once and it looks like THIS."

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

FUCK, ANTHONY IS ALSO MY FAVORITEST PERSON!!!!!! Dude, the Bunnyman. Did the pix get uploaded yet goddamnit? I wanna see just how bad my bed looked.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 11 August 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Come to NYC! Disclaimer: you might wish you were dead afterwards.

normally, i would, but i'm not coming to CMJ this year, so that's out.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 11 August 2003 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Although I appreciate the love thrown my way I think Falco was dealt an unnecessary blow.

Gone but not forgotten. R.I.P. Big "F"

West Side.

Rock.

― Jarvis Breakdown (Pizza Christ), Monday, 11 August 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Poor, poor Falco.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 11 August 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I got the Conan OST in the mail three days too late.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 11 August 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Today at work all I did was power nap every fifteen seconds.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 11 August 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Tombot...too weird to live, too rare to die. Rock over London, rock on Odenton.

― Spinktor the Unmerciful, Tuesday, 12 August 2003 00:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Pizza Christ! I am the 4th member of Pizza Christ. The other three left 20 cans of PBR in my fridge which is now down to 13 on a Monday night.

― Tony Hawthorne (Cannonball Run), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 00:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw a Medium Brown Bag today. It brought a tear to my eye.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 00:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Make that 11 beers.

― Spinktor the Unmerciful, Tuesday, 12 August 2003 00:57 (twenty-two years ago)

That is the best ILX alias ever.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm worried that my life has peaked

― Millar (Millar), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 01:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Trust me, every time I say something like that, it gets better. I was pretty convinced it had peaked in January 2002. And like 4 or 5 times since then.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 01:11 (twenty-two years ago)

But on the other hand I would say things like that. "This is the best thing ever!! OMG!!! I LOVE ALL OF YOU! Let me get my shirt off in appreciation!" This is like my entire life problem in a nutshell.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 01:12 (twenty-two years ago)

this ILX think is odd. ive been afraid to post on it because i dont want to get into arguments about inconsequential things...but here i am on the music board defending a band from slander based on a movie that i could barely stomach, and has nothing to do with the band. ally, so you like the name? i was afraid someone had already taken this handle.

― Spinktor the Unmerciful (mawill5), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 01:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Spinktor, you asshat don't you know how to spell SPHINCTER?? (hmm is that right?)

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 01:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought this would be about Rick Majerus!

― nnnh oh oh nnnh nnnh oh (James Blount), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

TXSam...Spinktor is a family name, and i am deeply offended by your grammatical accusations. My version of sphincter is meant to drive fear in the hearts of my enemies. Its all about the impact. Plus its hip to be illiterate nowadays. Win-win situation. You dig?

― Spinktor the Unmerciful (mawill5), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:00 (twenty-two years ago)

So does it work?

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:02 (twenty-two years ago)

.. your sphincter is all about the impact?

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:02 (twenty-two years ago)

My version of sphincter is meant to drive fear in the hearts of my enemies

I find it rather giggly.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:03 (twenty-two years ago)

This is my second and last ever post here because I was supposed to be named "Cannonball Run" but instead it's my real name and it's all fucked up. Thanks for NYC Ally! I'll see you in hell tomorrow Millar!

― Tony Hawthorne (Cannonball Run), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

.. your sphincter is all about the impact?

whose isn't?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:05 (twenty-two years ago)

You mock me now...but one of these days i will rule this world with an iron fist. The line in the sand has been drawn. Stay on that side and you can consider yourself among the damned. Get on my side for the big win...Millar is with me. Im going to just have to wait for his testimonial.

― Spinktor the Unmerciful (mawill5), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's probably safer being on the side of the sphincter... I'm in, and I'll bring beer.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm surrounded by sphincters on all sides! what are you talking about?!

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Asshat...i just realized i hadnt been called that since i was banned from a Fark thread about a year ago. I dont need them anyway. Jerks.

― Spinktor the Unmerciful (mawill5), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:19 (twenty-two years ago)

cockfarmers.

― Texas Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:23 (twenty-two years ago)

i just realized i hadnt been called that since i was banned from a Fark thread about a year ago

I officially like you. Welcome to ILE :)

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 118 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

allys bedsheets look like Spuds mess from Trainspotting.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm probably going to have to throw them out.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

no, you should frame them! a memento to youth gone wild!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, who is Kingfish partying with? I'm so unable to concentrate on work today, I'm sorry. I don't feel well at all. Still. I blame these bastards.

Can we stop talking about how between the BBQ and the Vaseline I've just become ILX's resident freak girl and start talking about how Tom and Luke are really going at it in that one picture? Damn.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

wild wild wild youth
*clap clap clap*
wild wild wild youth
*clap clap clap*
WIIIIIIIIILD
YOUUUUUUUTH

actualy, who am i partying with? i dunno.

whomever shows, i guess.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

EVeryone's eating pizza for lunch here today.
Coincidence? I think not!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

i totally want to hear Born Slippy right now.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.tidespoint.com/books/bookcovers/christ_pizza.jpg

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha did I ever post the Pope-a-roni story? I read this in Savage Love this one time, right, this girl found this huge light up Pope statue and brought it to her house. Then for some reason this inspired her boyfriend to create a gigantic, like 6 foot by 6 foot pizza. He asked her to have sex with him on the pizza while the light up Pope "blessed" it and he was yelling "Pope-a-roni! Pope-a-roni!" over and over. I mean, wtf? Now that is weird shit.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, that pic is like some sort of bbq-flavored Shroud of Turin sex-crime murder scene!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh...

"What knockers!"

― ModJ, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

They're fake you know.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

You keep mentioning that. There's only one way for me to know for sure, though.

― ModJ, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, how about you and Spencer come over. Spencer can examine the bed, you can examine my tits, I can eat a hot dog while repeated asking if Spencer was a hot dog would he eat himself, and everyone's worrying fixations are totally done with!

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Brilliant, though let's say you keep the hot dog and Spencer stands outside, hmm?

― Modj, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Poor Spencer. I think Pizza Christ should come by too. They don't want to miss this you know. I've got more shopping bags.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I've met they guy in the bunny suit before. He's ~~kind of~~ annoying when he's in character.

What's crazy is that he's like the most sane person in these pictures.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

You didn't call me, you dick. I wanted you to come hang.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

i would just like to say that i was catatonic with confusion for a solid sixteen minutes after reading this thread

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Pizza Christ can stand downstairs and sarinade through the open window...

― ModJ, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't even remember what I did that night, it truly was a missed opportunity!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, you too could've been snogged by Luke and Tom!!

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

sarinade

http://www.dhushara.com/book/explod/bio/sarin.jpg + http://www.lemonyoga.com/images/lemonade.gif = ?

http://pics.drugstore.com/prodimg/70307/200.jpg + http://www.strangecult.com/pisser/koolaid/km_pic.jpg = ?

http://www.royale-tours.com/images/mariachi.jpg
Los Mariachis Blanco await your decision.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

you're not supposed to use oil based lube, don't you know?

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

For the record the Vaseline had nothing to do with sex. I actually use it for cosmetic purposes. Sorry to disappoint everyone.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry i left early. i was in a foul mood and should have just stayed at home to begin with. though one of the sailors was sort of cute

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow.

― ModJ, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I actually use it for cosmetic purposes.

how's that work, by the way?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Phil, I was in a bad mood most of the night too, it wasn't until about after a half hour after we got to the burlesque club that I cheered up. I totally understand yr leaving because I was ready to bolt at one point too. BTW check yr email.

Cosmetic purposes: lip gloss, moisturizer.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, i was sort of broke and wasn't trying to pay $5 to get into no damn bar.

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha I had to pay for like 3 people, fucking deadbeats. But otoh my boyfriend proceeded to impulse buy me a $200 shirt the next day so I can't really complain about the $5 bar fee.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

So how's having a sugar daddy working out for you then?

― ModJ, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

did he get you new sheets too?

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Huh. You know, I didn't think of that idea.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I can only say 'wow'.

I hate LA.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

You know how we roll out here in NYC, luna

― ModJ, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Jimmy your mother says she loves you very much and she wants you to come back home

― Millar (Millar), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

luna come visit...Come aboard, we're expecting you...

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

How about October?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I like the AC/DC shirt and the white belt. Tom actually gave/lent that soccer shirt to Raj sometime in the course of the evening and I had to like pull it off of him cause I knew that Ally gave the shirt to Tom and I knew that if I gave a shirt to somebody and then he ended up giving/lending it to his friend who happened to live in a different state I wouldn't be very happy. Ally, what kind of $$$ shirt did you get?

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Millar, the thread title alone made me die laughing! Viva another Millar Weekend....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I wasn't going to let Raj keep that shirt!! I only let him wear it for a while bcz I wanted to wear the Wade-A-Palooza thing. He didn't want to give it back at the end; then again, I'm wouldn't want to give it back either (Zedane is much cooler than Wade I think)

― Millar (Millar), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I know, but my catholic mother tendencies came out, and I wanted to protect your and Ally's bond from that infiltrator Raj.

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Raj Tha Infiltrata!!!! Mary I will give you a job with our record label after we sell a billion copies of his debut album

― Millar (Millar), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

luna, October is good, good time of year, if you come at month's end we could have a costume party...

Mary yr instincts are OTM as always. I'll show you the shirt.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 23:20 (twenty-two years ago)

(my favorite part btw: "Yeah, well, go make some hamburgers, Wendy!")

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 14 August 2003 02:33 (twenty-two years ago)

hahaha. This is crazy. Luke looks pretty trashed. Almost as trashed as the time we were boozing over at Agnies place! But that's an entirely unrelated embarassing story!

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Wednesday, 20 August 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

This entire thread is about unrelated stories. SPILL.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 20 August 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

I DEMAND THE UNRELATERED STORY

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 September 2006 17:58 (nineteen years ago)

LOL @ fact that Luke is now known as WoW underwear dude.

― Allyzay lives aprox. 200 feet away from a stadium (allyzay), Monday, 25 September 2006 18:02 (nineteen years ago)

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