People that moan about something, but when given the option to help themselves, they invariably don't accept it! C/D?

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For example, my friend started a new job this week working about 5 mins from my house. Last week she was moaning about not having enough cash for petrol. So I invited her to stay at mine to save her petrol. Specifically when James was away, so that she wouldn't feel awkward or anything, but still she says no. I don't get it, I mean why say it if you don't really see it as an issue? Of course she may just not want to stay at mine, but still. So I say dud, what say you?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:21 (twenty-two years ago)

90 per cent of people who moan do this... people like having something wrong in their lives even if it can be overcome or doesn't even really exist...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:31 (twenty-two years ago)

dave - are you still on the self-esteem thread?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I say she probably felt he didn't want to be beholden to you, plus maybe she likes sleeeping in her own bed. Also, she might feel that if she did this and at some point *you* changed your mind, found it annoying or invasive or just wanted your personal space back, it'd be a potential problem.

Most people moan because it gives them a release, not because they're actually going to make efforts to change it.

I *am* your friend, and with me it's laziness/conservatism.

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:32 (twenty-two years ago)

(kinda x post)

Well, it's quite a big upheaval in someone's routine to stay at someone else's house. Paying for petrol vs changing where you sleep at night - for some people shelling out might win.

In general, I think that people like to moan more than they like to accept help. Not in a bad way, just that they may not want to feel obligated but still want to get stuff off their chests.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:34 (twenty-two years ago)

dave - are you still on the self-esteem thread?

no - there's just way too much moaning in the world - life's not that bad!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah exactly, this is one of those awful Men-are-from-mars things you get in 'relationship books'. If I moan to Isabel about my job or whatever I am basically looking for "oh thats awful dear I quite understand" not "right, here's my 10-point plan for life changing". I obviously completely forget this when she is complaining and try to Put Things Right.

― Tom (Groke), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom - i get your point exactly. I mean when I moan to James, I don't always want him to come up with a solution, but this seemed such a practical idea. 1 night, no hassle!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:38 (twenty-two years ago)

if your example means you are a man from mars, tom, does my response make me a woman? obv, this would throw my whole universe off-kilter and it's firt thing in the morning so quite difficult to grapple with such a concept... however, if it is the case, then i believe it would be something legitimate for me to moan about

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I have made a conscious effort lately to at least look like I'm considering the 'solutions' offered, it's like an insurance policy to moan more in the future without fucking people off unduly. ("Move to Antarctica, hmmm? That sounds feasible, I'll call the travel agent today, thanks!")

― dave q, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Strangely, I find it easier to take when the troubled person rejects help violently ("YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! AAAARRRRGHHH!!!" etc) than just sulks and mutters, "eeeehhh, I dunno, that wouldn't work, eeehhhh, everything sucks". At least the first reaction indicates that the problem is real and perhaps bigger than they've let on and maybe their overreaction will jolt them into recognising what the real problem is, or that what you said might've struck some sort of nerve and assuming they're a friend of yours sooner or later they'd realise it wasn't malicious and that you;ve brought something up worth considering.

― dave q, Wednesday, 13 August 2003 08:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought this thread was going to be about Bruce Almighty.

― N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 11:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Dud dud dud. That said, I know I've been the moaner in the past. But it does bunch my undies when a well-meaning soul suggests something that I'm already doing or have done, to no positive effect.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 13 August 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

this thread makes me resolve that i am going to try being HAPPY and UNCOMPLAINING for as long as i can and see what happens. i realized last week that i do like having problems to bitch about because everyone else does it so i want a piece of the attention pie, but that's not really very nice, is it.

― Maria (Maria), Thursday, 14 August 2003 01:25 (twenty-two years ago)

So many people do it that I think if you realize you've done it, you're a step ahead.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 14 August 2003 01:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I figure it'll work until lack of attention starts to bother me, at which point I must find a more constructive way to get attention. Like by doing something cool, I dunno what.

― Maria (Maria), Thursday, 14 August 2003 01:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm trying to learn to ask someone, when they're moaning/venting, if they just need to get it off their chest or if they're looking for suggestions for solutions, as that affects how I think and react to whatever it is that they're saying.

And I am learning to try to preface a bitch-session issuing from my mouth the same way, so that my listener isn't off trying to solve something for me when all I want is sympathy.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 14 August 2003 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

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