What is the correct way to make fun of girls wearing hip-huggers?

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I am conflicted. I love the ladies and their little bellies and the smalls of their backs. Love it, love it all. But I am overwhelmed with an impulse to mock anyone wearing the extreme lowcut porno pants. So, dear readers, I am looking for the widest spectrum of mockery possible. I want to find some insults that I can really be comfortable with.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i'd also like to take this opportunity to tack on a rider to tracer's thread, making it a "butt cleavage: classic or dud" thread

― jess, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Suprisingly dud when squoze up so unnatural in those horrible pants.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Butt cleavage is a slippery slope, my friend. When it is good, it's GRATE. When it's bad, it's the stuff of nightmares. There's also the problem of hip-huggers (much like capri pants) only being complimentary on one particular body type, and if you don't happen to have big hips and no stomach it's a hard look to pull off.

I suppose you could greet these ladies with statements like, "Hello, my sexy little plumber!" That may not be the appropriate level of ridicule, though. Let me think on this.

― Dan Perry, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

butt cleavage is a slippery slope

well, ideally.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Point out how fat and ugly they look and then proceed to berate them until they go somewhere and change. Clearly this is the tactful approach necessary between friends.

― Ronan, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

there's always "how many months along are you?"

if you were feeling nonsensical you could always say "i didn't know you were jewish!" (it's a circumcision related joke, everybody, and it's stupid and out of place. so don't yell at me.)

― your null fame, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Just snigger loud enough for them to hear...and if they react say "oh nothing"...childish...

― jel, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What I ackshually did: from 2nd-level balcony at Lame Club myself and an unconscionably drunk friend shouted catcalls like "go home, you weedy bitches" and "your tattoo sucks" down at a groop of three hackett ladies wearing the offending garments, the same kind of girls who 10 years ago wore knee-socks with Mary Janes and rate all life by how "cute" it is. Anyway they complained and got us thrown out. I didn't feel as victorious as I should have, cause none of my barbs touched on their pantses, which was what got us so offended in the first place.

I think all this prob. has a LOT to do with my horrible bitch ex-housemate who was the personification of an upfront sexuality so superficial as to be just utterly repulsive. If these girls would just relax for a second and do their nails only, say, twice a week they'd be about 10 times as "cute".

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"you weedy bitches" = surely one of the GRATE multi-cultural throwdowns

― mark s, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wear hip-huggers. I do not think I have ever revealed butt cleavage, though.

― Maria, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What is Tracer H going on about? And where can I go to find out, in detail?

― the pinefox, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Oh my god, Becky. Look at the size of her butt! She looks like one of those rappers' girlfriends..."

― Prude, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

why do you want to insult women wearing these pants when you are clearly attracted to them? i sense that maybe the provocativeness of the pants is a problem for you, and if so, you should think about that long and hard before you insult the pant-wearers.

ps before you start assuming things about the typer of these statements, I DO NOT WEAR HIP-HUGGERS.

― di, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think the problem is that he does think about them long and hard.

― Prude, Monday, 24 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"woah, check that - she's actually got a clump of shit caught in her ass hairs!"

― Geoff, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yeah, what exactly is the problem with these pants? They're only a problem if nasty chicks are wearing them.

― Ally, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i sense that maybe the provocativeness of the pants is a problem for you

hey, some of my BEST FRIENDS wear hiphuggers. i like women and their squirmy bodies. i certainly don't want to discourage flashes of skin in crowded bars. BUT somehow those pants are emblematic of a certain store-bought sexiness that I have come to loathe. it's just me. or it's just NYC. something.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But what if you perfectly innocently buy normal trousers then they sneakily sit in your wardrobe growing so next time you put on said trousers they keep slipping down exposing your underwear to all and sundry and making you spend the entire day hoiking them up? (NB these particular jeans don't have belt loops so cannot be held up with a belt). What then?

― Emma, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

suspenders, of course.

― jess, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"They're only a problem if nasty chicks are wearing them."
But it only seems to be nasty chicks who do, that's the problem.

― DG, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Jess means braces, British folk.

I think.

― Magnus, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i...guess. i do.

bah. to cultural differences. ;)

― jess, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

so whaddyer call silver brackets onna teeth? oh you DON'T.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pinefox:

http://www.yesterdayland.com/popopedia/shows/fashion/fa1450.php

― Ally C, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, I understand, Tracer, that there are certain girls who walk around thinking that by buying Christina Aguliera's clothes, they suddenly become sexy (which didn't work for Christina so why would it work for them?), but it doesn't delude the niceness of the pants themselves.

― Ally, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

chiXoR w. teeth braces = rowr, as i believe i have stated

― mark s, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one of *those*, eh? ;)

― jess, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That is a weird, weird fetish. What about the blow jobs?

― Ally, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

fine. (as i remember. *cough, cough.*) unless she suddenly got up the urge to rub her teeth on yer willy.

― jess, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You'd be advised to wear protection.

― Ronan, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...

a groop of three hackett ladies wearing the offending garments, the same kind of girls who 10 years ago wore knee-socks with Mary Janes and rate all life by how "cute" it is

ahem

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 19 May 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer's knee sock hatin' goes back far, it seems.

― rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 19 May 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, he's got real issues with twee. Funny for a man who I have personally seen wear an "I *HEART* NY" t-shirt.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 19 May 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Well the heart wasn't dotting an "i" or anything it was just a plain ol I Heart New York shirt. Sported by Jimmy Fallon 4 weeks later on the cover of something I might add. He stole my career.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 19 May 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Back to Jimmy Fallon are we?

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 19 May 2003 19:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Of course, this is the thread for all my twee issues!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread reminds me of those fabulous "I [Blue Dot] Chicago" t-shirts. I wish I could find a picture somewhere.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

What do you predict will be the most egregious fashion offenses this summer, Mr. Hand?

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

the perpetual shorts problem surely.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Waders!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

pink eye?

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

or maybe those tarp-seatbelt-tire backpack things.

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

DOES NOTHING MEET WITH YOUR APPROVAL MR. HAND

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

mesh.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

butt cleavage = I have apparently been fairly lucky as I have never seen any that was anything but classic. Knock on wood.

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

slavish imitation of past summer fashions in a desperate grasp for ritual and meaningfulness (aka wearing old clothes because everyone is too broke):

yes geoff, mesh AGAIN
blinding white "peasant shirts" AGAIN
magenta AGAIN
white studded belts AGAIN (of course this never quite goes out of style, especially w/turquoise t-shirt, everyone should wear this look whenever tempted to go "mesh")
super-frilly "Easter baby" shirts AGAIN

even more fucked-up blue jeans that look as if the wearer has had ammonia spilled down the inside of his or her crotch area

not nearly enough baggy and shapeless tops that almost fall off the shoulders, i love this look

not enough "friendship pins"

and nothing can stop the indomitable stomp of the mecha-female robot office warriors and their 3-inch block-heel square-toed black boots, watch out because they are clomping for YOU

i fear even more pubic cleavage, and not nearly enough full-on crotch showcasing (yeah i guess the ammonia jeans count but i hate them!)

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Crotch showcasing?!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Where tracer comes from they have special crotch museums, very civilised, lovely gift shop.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

All I knows is, men should wear red shoes more often.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

neither a jugs guy nor an ass dude be,
"crotch man" is my sobriquee

haha oh Ronan. but i am quite serious.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom Hanks might disagree with you there...

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

And HE stole Steve Gutenberg's career, do you SEE?! (all: "uh")

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

hooray -- girly sports style falls under tracer's radar

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)

He probably hates that too. You're going to hate my outfit tonight, Tracer, but too bad for you! You aren't Mr. Blackwell and I do not care about your high fashion shenanegans.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 19 May 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer's hatred is cute.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Having given the original question some thought, I think the correct answer is liberal use of the phrase "lo-rent J.Lo".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Girly sports style, what's next, hunting gear? This fashion blip should be always... "last year"!

Thank you, thank you.

― tracer blackwell (tracerhand), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:07 (twenty-two years ago)

And Dan once again comes through!

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

To go back to Tracer's original question So, dear readers, I am looking for the widest spectrum of mockery possible I think the best one I have ever heard was from my friend Nick:

"hey, I can see your clit!"

Tasteless, but badda-bing!

PS I like hipsters but I have the arse for them - if you look like a vertical surfboard you should be banned from the damn things. And white belts with those stringy things - WHAT THE HELL?

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Where is the wondrous land where women have clits in their butt cleavage?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I dress for flatrejet not Tracer Hand.

― Mary (Mary), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan - you haven't lived until you've seen some silly young thing in hipsters so low/badly fititng that the FRONT of them are um... showing the shoreline.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 19 May 2003 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I now fear that I look like a vertical surfboard.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 19 May 2003 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

cute!

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 19 May 2003 22:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I would've sworn "Totally vertical!" was a catchphrase at some point.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 00:36 (twenty-two years ago)

SOunds like some surfer thing.

I hope no one in ILX land feels like theyre a surfboard and I was having a go at them, because all ILXorZ are exempt from my scorn as y'all rock so there.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 00:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer scorns both sexy and cute aspirations. He wishes for a return to the cut up sweatshirt off-the-shoulder Flashdance look? And haven't we all learned from the woo-hoo thread that it's not polite to make unsolicited comments toward others?

― Mary (Mary), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 05:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Mary now that you have solved the secret to my ideal woman you must help me build the robot. I have several weeks of programming experience and a chemistry set.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

you're lucky, without the chemistry the robot love is just cold and emotionless

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 14:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"no one loves a computer because a computer does not dance"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

And haven't we all learned from the woo-hoo thread that it's not polite to make unsolicited comments toward others?

ice coffee spit-take narrowly averted.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

But d00d, hip-huggers usually = UBER-ROWR!!!! Why make fun of the ROWR!?!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 20 May 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

what's next, hunting gear?

inspiration

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

No, I don't like that, we should go more for the Beyonce look in the Survivor video with the camo hot pants.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, I have a raincoat like that.

― felicity (felicity), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I just have to say that hip huggers on skinny people, as personified by Japanese girls, is classic. They just look like regular pants.

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like it when they look like the have 4 buttcheeks, that's my issue with hip huggers; however they are the only type of pants I can wear without being uncomfortable in them.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Where do the other 2 come from?

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh come, you've seen this before: girls in too-tight pornopants who get this weird "indent" where the pants flatten out the backside? My friend Robert said that it made a girl look like her butt was frowning at him once.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is severely lacking in pictures.

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll draw one when I get home!

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:35 (twenty-two years ago)

YAY

― Mary (Mary), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer, you missed one of those brilliant opportunities to ask where the rest of the camel was.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 21 May 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm wearing my seven jeans today; fuck the haters.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 22 May 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Suzy that's a good one, neck-and-neck with Trayce's I think. Dan has fallen to "show" I'm afraid.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 22 May 2003 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

But Dang brought us the Camel Toe Report. Surely that counts for something?

― felicity (felicity), Thursday, 22 May 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

How do you know when you're wearing hip huggers and when you're just wearing stretch pants?

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 22 May 2003 14:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I suppose you could try using their exposed like they were slingshots, but that's more "assault" than "making fun of".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 22 May 2003 14:57 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

Call them "Nikka Costa".

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 13:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I *could* go on out and make fun of girls who wear hip-huggers, but that would just be mean of me and would point out jealousy issues re: never ever before in the past nor in the present having the body to carry off such fashions. Even as a young girl I had the kind of body that pissed Donna Karan off. So instead, every time I see hip-huggers or similar fashions carried off successfully, I berate myself one more time for having the figure I have and swearing that "tomorrow I will begin abstaining from food for many months, until I can actually get into a single-digit clothing size".

― Just Deanna (Dee the Lurker), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

But Dee, the problem is that the VAST MAJORITY of people who wear hip-huggers are not ultra-curvy women with tiny waists so they only succeed in making them look like they're wearing ill-fitting pants! I can't tell you how many women are in Boston who are all, "Oh, I'm a size 4/6/8, I can wear these" and they JUST CAN'T.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

that's the worst; hip huggers without the hips
i booooo the misuse of the huggers

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

this thread is some kinda gift

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

No? Hm. Somehow I can't really picture those types. Maybe it's because in this area, EVERYONE has a butt, and EVERYONE has curves. (Well, not really, but MOST do, and pretty much everyone who wears hip-huggers does.) Still, which is preferable, "low waters" (where it looks like the waist is placed too low) or "high waters" (where it looks like the waist is placed too high)?

― Just Deanna (Dee the Lurker), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I always thought low-waters/high-waters referred to the length of the inseam! I love low-waisted jeans on all girls because it emphasizes that sexy sway. From a personal standpoint, they rock because you can let your belly hang over the waist.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 5 August 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

yes. that is so very sexy aswell.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 04:33 (twenty-two years ago)

i think i'm all turned around on the butt cleavage issue btw

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 04:37 (twenty-two years ago)

when i was working at the bookstore - when this thread was birthed no less - there was this employee of mine who always used to squat down to go through the boxes in front of my desk who never wore any underwear and always wore hip-huggers. it was like one continual "why is the lord testing me?" moment and i was the sweaty southern preacher up to no good.

― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

oh all of my waitresses to thread

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 04:40 (twenty-two years ago)

the Mall of America to thread

― M Matos (M Matos), Wednesday, 6 August 2003 06:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Perhaps go up and hug them about the hips?

― Kitten With A Whip, Wednesday, 6 August 2003 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.bloomers4u.com/images/gfx/low_rider_blomers1.jpg

― ben welsh (benwelsh), Thursday, 7 August 2003 00:11 (twenty-two years ago)

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