What would happen if Bez and Shaun Ryder were in Coronation Street?

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Apart from giving Ken Barlow nightmares.

Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Thursday, 21 August 2003 07:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Shaun and Deirdre would be at it like rabbits.

Bez would get Roy into Es.

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 21 August 2003 07:48 (twenty-two years ago)

followed by horrendous comedowns and guilt about the volume at which he was "rinsing the plates"

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 21 August 2003 07:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Roll those creaking credits.

Opening Scene: Camera pans slowly from two old deadbeats sitting silently and nursing flat pints in the Rovers Return, towards the bar where a slumped figure clad in a adidas trackie top is clinging onto the bar and sliding off his stool.

Ryder (for it is he): "Fookin’ ell, like where’s me fookin’ pint, giz it like now innit. Look, I ain’t got any fookin’ money like love, but lerruz trade me Patrick Cox for one more will yer (takes off shoe and waves it in barmaid's face) look it’s real fookin’ Patrick Cox, Patrick fookin’ Cox right. Come on yer fucker, chill out like. Ere, you got any Kentucky fookin’ Fried Chicken like?

Frantic cut and ITV ‘Fault’ screen descends. Cue easy listening music and technical problems spiel.

Alex K (Alex K), Thursday, 21 August 2003 08:13 (twenty-two years ago)

"Got any veras mate"


Jack Duckworth: "Aye well, one"


AND SHAUN MEANT ES!

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 21 August 2003 08:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Coronation Street ITV 7.30pm

Kevin spots a gap in the market and begins punting gear to Shaun and Bez, while Sally remains oblivious

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 21 August 2003 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Roofs in opening credits covered with dead pigeons.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 21 August 2003 08:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Coronation Street ITV 7.30pm


A horde of shapechanging mutants invade weatherfield, murdering everyone and turning the landscape into a steaming green swamp, Sally remains oblivious. Meanwhile Ken worries his remote control may be lost forever

Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 21 August 2003 09:03 (twenty-two years ago)


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