Fairy Tales: Search And Destroy

I was going to say Destroy: Disney versions of fairy tales on the basis that they twist them about and make them un-scary, but then I remembered the Queen in Snow White who frightened me half to death, so I say Destroy: 'humourous' PC versions of fairy tales.

Emma you were easily the worst fairytale authority. You got important facts about the Princess and the Pea wrong and you got Jack And The Beanstalk weirdly merged with The Golden Goose. But as you say it was the drugs talking.

We have definitely had something similar to this thread before....

Hmm, search Hansel and Gretel, Rupunzel, Rumpelstiltskin, Sondheim's Into The Woods, destroy Three Little Pigs.

Three goats, one bridge. Goats want to cross bridge, but troll says no and wants to eat. Smallest goat tries to cross first, troll says he'll eat him, but goat fools troll by saying there's a bigger troll coming who will be a better meal. So next goat comes along and pulls same stunt.

This means troll is waiting for third and final goat, who is a badass and butts him off bridge. End of fairy tale. Moral: always eat the first goat to cross your bridge.

Easy.

All I can remember is:

Rock-abye-baby in the tree tops, When the bough breaks down will come baby cradle and all

Then it kind of turns into the Skye Boat song and I sing "Onward the sailors cry, Carry the lad...".

It is rather confusing.

Rock-a-bye, baby, In the tree top. When the wind blows, The cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, The cradle will fall, And down will come baby, Cradle and all.

Always liked the original Little Mermaid too (by Hans Christian Andersen?) where the undersea witch was REALLY scary, and there was no Disney-esque ending... instead she turns into sea foam and it's... so sad.

But you forgot WHY they crossed that bridge, AND that story's ACTUAL moral! They crossed it because they could see that grass on that bridge's other side looked greener. When they arrived there they discovered its complexion, taste, colour, etc. matched their own grass's attributes. Hence where we get that godawful phrase "The grass always looks greener on the other side".

You're right though, it did strike some deep romantic chord - but I certainly wouldn't have recognized it as being a turn on at the time. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, the entire classic fairytale abduction/rescue construct that was so often used, was pretty kinky in it's appeal. I'll admit - I was oddly fascinated.

Have you ever heard that song "The Ice Maiden" by Prefab Sprout? It was directly inspired by that story and explores those themes even further.

(For the record, I found the Snow Queen's project to freeze everything the "hot" aspect.)