what do your parents think of you?

But my aunt recently asked me "what do you want to be when you grow up?" even though I'm 25, work, earn money, and have an apartment.

the nice thing abt the "if" book is that it's about a film they both adored as young grown-ups (ie when i was still small mark s) — my music writing makes their eyes glaze over w.bafflement) (haha join the queue i know)

My brother is always very keen that I acknowledge that it's MY FAULT that my mum is on antidepressants, however.

Ouch, that's cold. :-(

Aside from some deserved tut-tutting when credit card debt spiralled up a bit for me, as best as I can tell my folks think I'm doing mighty fine. They may not listen to much of the music I do, for instance, but they thoroughly enjoyed seeing my reviews in the AMG books that have come out -- my dad said that even though he knew none of the bands he got a clear sense of what they were like through my writing, which really pleased me on a personal and professional level both. They've made it clear that they don't mind my not being settled down with someone/having a mortgage/raising kids yet, and that if it never happens it's no worry (and indeed, having mentioned that in a conversation they've never addressed those subjects again directly or obliquely). When I wrote my dad a fairly emotional letter when he had his cancer scare, he was kind enough to write back and say how proud he was of me, and considering I'm generally closer to my mom in attitude and emotional state on many matters, that was quite touching. :-)

Also, tonight I left them unattended in my house and they used my computer and accessed my email so they may now know a number of things that I didn't want them to know.

And my mum says I'm a collectomanic.

My mother is no longer as concerned with what I do as I dabble around in graduate school, and is back on the bus supporting my writing. It helps that I haven't had to borrow money in a fair while, except when I had to move on short notice. She wishes I would make more of an effort to keep in touch/visit the rest of my extended family. She doesn't understand why I've never moved back to New Hampshire, much less New England. She has begun to understand why I don't visit more often (at least, the part of the reason that's "no one's ever home when I visit, so it's like me in an empty house in the middle of nowhere all day, and then dinner with you, no offense.")

I have about the most perfect parents ever. They've always respected and encouraged me, and I know that by doing things that make me proud of myself, I'll make them proud as well.

I'm an only child, and I'm wondering if I should have the "would it be a big deal to you if I never had kids" talk with them...v nervous about that and still not sure if I'll change my mind on the kids issue anyway. Also I bet that they would say that it didn't matter one way or the other, being that they're perfect.

Luna, your parents and my parents are almost carbon copies! My mom's not so much sneaky though as just plain out and out critical. She criticizes me about everything and anything, but then will tell me she's only doing it because she loves me and wants me to be better.

*huge sighs* I miss my dad now. I mean, not that he wasn't tough on me -- I do think I had very strict parents, not just a very strict mother -- but he never stopped loving me or made me feel like his love was conditional the way my mom's love is. He was definitely the more nurturing parent.

As a mother, I would either be mommie dearest or a smothering type. Neither good.

i think what really happened was that i moved back to live in the same town as them, after a 17 year adult life overseas. none of us handled it very well.

now i live away again, ( but still in the same country this time ) they love my boy and have even been sort of kind and helpful to me lately. this i take to be a good sign.

Overall though, if anyone wants to be critical to you and cut you down at the knees, you need to tell them to go fuck themselves, genetic material be damned.

What do they think of me? My Mom keeps describing me as a "liberal." "Oh, you're such a liberal!" Or, "Oh, you're such a critic!" She spits the words with as much anti-intellectual bile as she can muster. I once said something disparaging about the movie Pretty Woman and never heard the end of it. Mom loves me, because she's my Mom, but I think she hates everything I like or believe in.

Dad, on the other hand, is very cool, funny, goofy, and soooo not around anymore. I see him sometimes, and envy the kids that he DID raise, those of his second wife. I'm torn -- I know why he divorced my Mom. She's a complete nutcase. But he missed out on raising far higher quality children than the ones he got stuck with.

Of course you realize, this is a lot easier said than done.

i have long become adjusted to the fact that they are 'only human' and made / make mistakes. that doesnt seem to help me much when they are mean.

i did tell them to 'go fuck themselves' actually, not in those exact words but close enough. it didnt make me feel better or stronger. i just felt really sad. now im glad we seem to be getting along ok.

I dont think my parents at all approve of much of my lifestyle choices, so we sort of just dont talk about it ;) I still somehow feel guilty though.

No, that's what I consider the norm -- not necessarily at 15, but certainly once you're out of the house and off the payroll, your parents only have the influence over you that you give them. Almost everyone gives them some, sure, but not like when you're a kid.

Dude, I'm being way to serious and depressing for ILX ...

X Post: I've been thinking of you and your eyes off and on the last few days, Martin ... hoping for the best ...

Um, I don't think so. I feel your parents and the guidance counselors were right at least in words. Any parent whatsoever who would've loved you less for being adopted should not only feel ashamed of themselves but also has their priorities serious screwed up.

I would know this first-hand, sure.

Also, sometimes I suspect my mom thinks I'm gay, since almost all of my friends are girls, I've never talked her about my girlfriends, and I've told her I've kissed guys. However, these sort of things don't come up during our coffee table talks, so I have no way of knowing what she actually thinks of me.

I haven't checked this thread since my last post b/c this is a loaded topic for me and I am, at heart, a pussy.

Quickly scanning these responses though here is my reply directed at Kenan's questions (you know I love you sweetie):

I don't pay much attention to my parents b/c my father is serving a 25 yr sentence for sexually sentencing me and my mother is recovering IV drug user. My moms stopped shooting up about my senior year of high school but I had already ran away from home and stopped speaking to her by then. We regained contact around my sophomore yr in college and she was a mere alcoholic by then.

These days she is completely clean and sober and we have a wonderful, close relationship. However we aren't allowed to discuss her drunkeness or junkieness, so the closenesss only goes to far.

Those restrictions combined with my wish that my father be anally raped by Satan with a spiked dildo result in me not giving a fuck what these two individuals think of me.