Why is my Amazon Gold Box so lame?

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I mean I'm kind of tempted to purchase a Big Wheels and tool around the streets of Manhattan with it, but why do they recommend I purchase such stupid ass things? Can't they be useful?

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 21 August 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Are they based on recommendations, also, or is it just random shit they're throwing at me?

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 21 August 2003 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's whatever they're trying to get rid of. They're always shoving kitchen products in my face.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 21 August 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, me too. I was just totally taken aback by the Big WHeels.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 21 August 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

PS the presence of the words "Gold" and "lame" so close together in the thread header makes the phrase "gold lamé" pop into my head when I look at it.

I know that's not exactly a phrase, but you know.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 21 August 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Oooh we should totally make way more clothes out of gold lame.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 21 August 2003 20:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, I realized that I just read the thread title as "Why is my Amazon Gold Box so lamé?"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 21 August 2003 20:54 (twenty-two years ago)

they just offered me a cake dish. a cake dish? I guess I know what that's for - I think I've heard my Mom use the term?

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 21 August 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

wow, here I was thinking I was the only one who made the 'gold lame' connection.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 21 August 2003 21:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Mine currently:

Portable cd player
garlic press
pizza wheel
requiem for a dream dvd
kid's tool set.

wtf?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:00 (twenty-two years ago)

the amazon gold box is yeah, generally a bunch of stuff they're trying to get rid of, and I've read that it often picks things for you based on the stores you visit the least or not at all - the other thing they're going for besides impulse purchases is to let customers know that Amazon sells everything under the fucking sun except cars and narcotics.

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:13 (twenty-two years ago)

My gold box is full of treasure! Treasure, I say! It is not the gold box that is lame. You are all unworthy of it.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Mine:
Series 2 - Beast Lords: Zynda (Lynx) - [Toy]
Oregon Scientific Cable-Free Long-Range Rain Gauge - [Kitchen]
Global 3-Piece Kitchen Knife Set - [Kitchen]
Kids Frog/Prince Reversible Hat - [Toy]
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000065CNB.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg
Sequin Splendor Ballet Bag with Accessories - [Toy]
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00006783R.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:25 (twenty-two years ago)

The hat is pimp.

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:25 (twenty-two years ago)

It's like they tapped directly into my innermost desires and found the products that matched!

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

If I ever found my own religion all the males will be required to wear that hat

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:30 (twenty-two years ago)

They're always shoving kitchen products in my face.

Amazon is putting you in some sort of Dario Argento film! Run!

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

haha if only it had a Goblin soundtrack

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 21 August 2003 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish Amazon sold narcotics, they should possibly look into that.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

If only everything had a Goblin soundtrack

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Forget about Amazon, I'll sell you some left over Vicadin Ally.

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

There I go omitting commas again.

― Vicadin Leee (Leee), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

But, Amazon *does* sell cars.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/subst/home/all-stores.html =>

http://g-images.amazon.com/images/G/01/icons/small-blue-cars-icon.gif Cars

― lyra (lyra), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not so much into vicadin but I'll take it anyway.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

dear Amazon plz put a Hummer H2 in my Gold Box thx

― Millar (Millar), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:30 (twenty-two years ago)

*checks gold box*

The DVD of The Bourne Identity. Wow, they know me so well.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 21 August 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I was just totally taken aback by the Big WHeels.

Ally is dead to me.

My Gold Box: The Perfect Storm, Portable CD Player, Electric Broom, Hair Dryer, Ethernet Network Adapter, Nonstick Spatula, Big Gym, Puppy Parade Lamp Shade, Electronic Labeler, Hand Blender.

Three of those are decent choices.

... electric broom?

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 00:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Is the electric broom a Roomba? I got my robo vacuum from my goldbox - and a driving map to California, not that I've ever driven in CA. But it seemed useful for $4.

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Not sure anymore, since I have closed the box and been forever denied its glory: but probably not, cause it was a lot more than $4. I should have looked at the description, but was just flipping and typing and it didn't register until after.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Whoa, Tep, that's kind of harsh. I'm not saying I have anything against the Big Wheels. I'm saying I was confused as to why they'd recommend it to me, per se.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Bike stunts obv

― Millar (Millar), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait. That's a good point.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally might be resurrected to me.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:26 (twenty-two years ago)

This was just a ploy to get a zombie blowjob, wasn't it?

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, like I'd be the first person to use a Big Wheel to get a blowjob.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:31 (twenty-two years ago)

The logistics are hurting my brane...
</dperry>

― lyra (lyra), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd like an amazon gold box of fuck

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago)

The Big Wheel's pretty much just icing when you're talking box of fuck.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i had a high school friend who called his cock "Chief Big Wheel."

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Lube job, brake checks, garage, freeway ... dude, rule #7 of genitalia naming is avoid anything that invites puns. Puns distract from the sexing.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

my high school injun name was "chief steaming pile"

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Not if you wanna get it on with an English teacher. Oh, and it's sexULATING, pal.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Man, I always forget the 'ulat' part.

... wait, what did my therapist mean about my shitty coping skills?

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:11 (twenty-two years ago)

(That would have been funnier had I said "high school guidance counselor," so pretend I did.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:11 (twenty-two years ago)

my h/s and college english teachers were almost all PC ... no way they would have given it up for a guy who called his schlong "Chief Big Wheel"!

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll bet they would if it were a reference to some sort of ... trick ... he could perform. If you know what I mean. Like touching your nose with your tongue, except without a nose or a tongue.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

that would call for another nickname altogether -- like, "the succubus"!

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, wheel, see, like ... round. Although maybe ourobouros. If it were me in high school, that's what I would call it, but that might piss your friend off. So let's say if it were me in high school, and I had his ... you know, actually, that wouldn't make him any happier. Let's leave it at it not being me.

SuccuBUS, Big Wheel, it's all transit metaphors. Titanic? Greyhound? (Take a bath, guy.) The Orient Express? The Batmobile?

... oohh, the Batmobile ..

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:19 (twenty-two years ago)

into the bat cave!

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:20 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was a kid, I had this record that was a tie-in to the Adam West TV show, and each side had a song for each of the show's major characters: Batman, Robin, the Joker, etc., and the Batmobile itself. Yes, two songs about the Batmobile. If I had been prescient enough to name my Teparang the Batmobile, I would totally play those songs while doing the horizontal Batusi.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Ain't nothin a lady likes more than being asked if she'd like your Batmobile to enter her Batcave to dot the horizontal Batusi.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:33 (twenty-two years ago)

ally's gonna be so mad when she sees what we've done to this thread ...

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't take her rage seriously until she changes her name to something less liquory, so no worries.

(In the Tepverse, "can't be taken seriously" = "not actually dangerous," which is why the three witches claim I'm going to be killed by a platypus stampede.)

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 04:36 (twenty-two years ago)

HoMedics FAC-1 A Facial Sauna & Inhaler - [Kitchen]

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 22 August 2003 07:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish Amazon sold narcotics, they should possibly look into that.

Amazon leaves that to its joint venture with drugstore.com.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 22 August 2003 12:07 (twenty-two years ago)

My Amazon Gold Box today:

Corona Clipper BP-6240 Professional Bypass Pruner
OXO Good Grips Uplift Teakettle, Kinda Cream
Best Data WL100U Wireless Network USB Adapter
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005RL4U.01._SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg Wolverine Role Play Dress Up Set [hmmmm.....]
Hawaiice Electric Snow Maker
The Jack Ryan Special Edition Collection (The Hunt for Red October/Patriot Games/Clear and Present Danger/The Sum of All Fears) [I took a class taught by the guy who did marketing for the Naval Institute Press when they published Hunt for Red October. After hearing his stories, I feel no need to ever read a Tom Clancy novel.]
Zojirushi NSRNC-18FC Automatic Rice Cooker and Warmer with Floral Imprint
Sangean SR-25V Portable Analog Radio
Wüsthof Classic 6-Inch Cook's Knife
Villaware 5225 Crepe Maker

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 22 August 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my god I want that Wolverine thing so bad, why isn't that in my gold box?

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Friday, 22 August 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000065CQP.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 22 August 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldn't mind her trainers.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 22 August 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

you've already got her scooter ;)

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Friday, 22 August 2003 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd never bothered even looking at mine till now and this stuff is so lame, vacuum cleaner? spatula??

and what the hell is a 10th anniversary box? it says for toys & games, but wtf is the anniversary aspect?

― H (Heruy), Friday, 22 August 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

My main Gold Box offer was a CB radio. Yes. A CB radio. They have seriously overestimated the effect of VH1's I Love the 70's on the cultural zeitgeist.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 22 August 2003 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Did they do CB radios on I Love the 70s?

― rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 22 August 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Even if they didn't, I think an increased awareness of CB radios is an emergent property of the show.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Anything that would distract you from the television is made more popular by I Love the '70's.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 22 August 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

-VTech 5831 5.8 GHz DSS Expandable Cordless Phone with Caller ID (Silver/Black)
-http://g-images.amazon.com/images/G/01/goldbox/GbChoice.16.jpg

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005MEGO.01._SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg woo-hoo! and the doc said i couldn't have any more sharp things!

-Karaoke Machine with Double Cassette Recorder
-Makita 5007FK 7-1/4" 15 Amp Circular Saw with Light
-Animal Alley White Teddy Bear
-http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00006JZ6V.01._SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg
-Hamilton Beach 25285 Meal Maker Express
-Bushnell Powerview 10x25 Compact FRP Binocular
-Franklin SA-206 Spelling Ace with Thesaurus
-Stargate SG-1 Season 2 Boxed Set

man, we got more pages of continuous SUCK than my last issue of "Facials Weekly"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

It kind of looks like Kerropi is giving Tigger a blow job, wtf is that.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

GRODY!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Puppets have the magical ability to perform blowjobs with their asses.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

wtf is that.

interspecies LUV, baby. Awwww yeah.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

OK Tep fine, I didn't look at it more than a second. Now that I've examined, I've decided Tigger is breast feeding Kerropi. Is that more heart warming? No. It's actually way grosser.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

OK Tep fine, I didn't look at it more than a second. Now that I've examined, I've decided Tigger is breast feeding Kerropi. Is that more heart warming? No. It's actually way grosser.

If I were a shrink, I'd toss out free association and inkblots altogether and just open with, "So. Taking sides: interspecies breastfeeding vs. blowjob-capable asses."

It kinda does look like that, especially with the eyes.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

looks like baby tigger is getting himself some frog action, it does.

"'baby's first ass', a new line of plush animals from Fisher-Price."

just imagine what the display at FAO Shwartz would look like!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 22 August 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm more thinking what Phil would do to said display.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 22 August 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"'baby's first ass', a new line of plush animals from Fisher-Price."

Just the thing for plushies who are starting families and want to give their children toys that reflect their values.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 22 August 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

This wolverine costume is better, though I couldn't find a better pic of this online.

http://static.ifilm.com/image/stills/films/c/2474421_i_1_c_.jpg

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 22 August 2003 19:50 (twenty-two years ago)

wolverine!

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 22 August 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha, Logan rockin' the mic

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Friday, 22 August 2003 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

My gold box:

-The Mr. Bean complete DVD set

-A "Quart Anodized Aluminum Bee Kettle"

-Cowboy Bebop: The Movie (saw it in theaters and deemed it dope, but it's only like $2 off)

-See 'n Say Magic Moving Friends: Neighborhood Heroes (this is a Barney-themed product and it does not include any of the heroes of MY neighborhood like noisy-piped bikers or chirpy speedwalking 50somethings)

-Star Wars Jango Fett Costume (this is listed as "toy" rather than "apparel" or "fetish")

-Elite Operations Fire Playset (take away "playset" and you have the newest Rumsfeld brainchild)

-VXI-Voice It VT300 Personal Note Digital Voice Recorder ("in stock soon")

-Some $60 wok

-Catch Me If You Can (Widescreen Edition) (haven't seen it; heard it's '60s mod as fuck; will still pass)

-Giggle ''N Go Bouncer
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000083GI3.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg
OH FUCK YEAH, WALLET'S OUT NOW

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Friday, 22 August 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm gonna wear that around my waist and go clubbing

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Friday, 22 August 2003 23:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Deluxe Children's Chair and Rocker: Pastel Square (which is actually out of stock, they tell me - good one!)

Mark Paul 10-Ounce Hunters Leather Flask, Brown - [Kitchen]

Audiovox CE-90 AM/FM Clock Radio (also out of stock)

Sangean ATS-606AP Digital Compact AM/FM Shortwave Stereo Receiver - [Electronics]

Le Creuset 4-1/4-Quart Soup Pot with Cover, Flame - [Kitchen]

Conair LWD400CS Ladies Wet/Dry Shaver - [Kitchen] (kitchen indeed, you freaks)

Bissell 17251 Little Green ProHeat Carpet Cleaner with Turbo Brush - [Kitchen] (do you use this before or after applying the wet/dry shaver)

5PORT 10/100MBPS NWAY - [Electronics]

Shanghai Knights - [DVD]

Sony SRF-56 Walkman FM Stereo Radio (Gray) - [Electronics]

That didn't suck nearly as bad as I thought it would. Like, no toys. WTF.

― Millar (Millar), Friday, 22 August 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

1. Pooh - Baby Gift Set
2. Hoover H3000 Floor Mate Hard-Floor Cleaner
3. Rösle Garlic Press
4. Calphalon Commercial Nonstick 8-Piece Cookware Set
5. Orange-X OJex Household Juicer, Cobalt
6. Le Creuset 5-1/2-Quart Round French Oven, White
7. Rio S35S Sport 128 MB MP3 Player
8. Julia Diaper Bag in Navy Block
9. Little Entrees [ Toys & Games ] (this is cookware FOR BABIES) (not for cooking BABIES but for babies to play with)
10. Swissmar Epivac Extra Wine Stoppers, Set of 4, Clear

Apparently Amazon thinks I'm a 33 year old trophy wife living in the suburbs with a new baby.

― Ally-zay (mlescaut), Saturday, 23 August 2003 05:53 (twenty-two years ago)

today's smattering:

1. Crucial Technology 256 MB CompactFlash -- whoah, i'd actually buy this...
2. Little CHOU CHOU Gift Set -- ewww.
3. You & Me Real Sounds Baby: Pink (African American)
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005C9JN.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg
4. Motorola TalkAbout T5320 (AA) Napa Burgundy 2-Way Radio -- how to keep track of yo' kids at the mall, i guess.
5. Leatherman with Leather Sheath -- already have one.
6. 24 - Season One - [DVD] -- uhm, nope.
7. The Home Depot - Workman Tool Set - Cular Saw
-- marked as TOy, but not "fetish/dress-up"
http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00007CWIX.01.MZZZZZZZ.jpg
8. Calphalon Professional Hard-Anodized Fish Poacher with Lid
------WAHHHOOOOO! Fish Poacher! With Lid!
9. Saeco Royal Professional - [Kitchen] -- not sure what this is. A professional cook? a whore to the king? does this ho cook well?
10. Calphalon Commercial Nonstick 8-Piece Cookware Set -- naah.

still, a little better this time. it seems that the majority of amazon's patronage are rather boring people, so i guess that makes sense.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 23 August 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

gah, fucking Arcade Fire and CocoRosie cds?

― lord pooperton (ex machina), Thursday, 8 June 2006 21:32 (nineteen years ago)

They've gotten a lot better for me, but they also borrow liberally from my wishlist these days.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Friday, 9 June 2006 00:30 (nineteen years ago)

gah, fucking Arcade Fire and CocoRosie cds?

"We're Pitchfork kids!
Ten million strooooooong...
AND GROWING!"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 9 June 2006 01:36 (nineteen years ago)

Also, the Shins. SEE WHAT BUYING ONE ANIMAL COLLECTIVE CD DOES?

Also, I bought all reading for a globalization / economic history class on here and the rest of my shit is nearly always this same shit.

― lord pooperton (ex machina), Friday, 9 June 2006 13:06 (nineteen years ago)

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