once in a lifetime phrases

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a friend of mine once commented that he loved it when he heard such a ridiculous phrase or outlandish combination of words and knew that it would be the only time he would ever hear it. for example, last night at an after hours party, someone yelled, "i don't believe in your drunken astronomy." also, from my friend marci, "wait til you see my new sea monkey wristwatch." share more please.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Sunday, 24 August 2003 23:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"You stink of piss and you're thick as shitty jam"

"I saw a naked man offering a cigarette to a bear and then falling over "

"Where in shitting crikey is my nose? Its in a jar mate!"

chris morris is the king of the once in a lifetime phrase and this

http://www.koekie.org.uk/cgi-bin/quote.cgi

proves it!

― jed_e_3 (jed_e_3), Sunday, 24 August 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i always had a soft spot for "you're wrong and you're a grotesquely ugly freak"

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Sunday, 24 August 2003 23:59 (twenty-two years ago)

my soft spot goes to

"if the printed word is to have any meaning at all it must come from the very edge of fuckybumbooboo"

― jed_e_3 (jed_e_3), Monday, 25 August 2003 00:03 (twenty-two years ago)

"I can't turn my face into a heart."

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 25 August 2003 00:05 (twenty-two years ago)

More Morris:

"Form a protective crocodile!"
"I lost my faith when God shoved the sun up his arse"

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Monday, 25 August 2003 00:06 (twenty-two years ago)

haha!

― jed_e_3 (jed_e_3), Monday, 25 August 2003 00:11 (twenty-two years ago)

this isn't verbatim, but "if you say punk doesn't exist you're wrong because you don't exist because punk does!"

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 25 August 2003 00:14 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread sould be called "Hapax Legomena" by the way.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:27 (twenty-two years ago)

"You stink of piss and you're thick as shitty jam"

Why would you only use that phrase once in your life? I think it could be quite handy to keep around.

― jewelly (jewelly), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:41 (twenty-two years ago)

"You turn hazelnuts to maggots and summon ropes of ass-hair from the deep"

(a Tep quote from the Vanilla thread)

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"You turn hazelnuts to maggots and summon ropes of ass-hair from the deep"

Isn't that a line from Shakespeare's The Tempest?

― jewelly (jewelly), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Psh, not even. Shakespeare said "filberts."

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, I just looked that word up. Impressive, Tep.

― jewelly (jewelly), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"Is my dick too big for America?"

(Said by my husband after arguing with some governmental agency over the phone.)

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, I just looked that word up. Impressive, Tep.

Nah, we had mixed nuts in the house a lot when my parents had cocktail parties, and that's when they were called back then :)

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

(Said by my husband after arguing with some governmental agency over the phone.)

Oh my, thats wonderful! I'd love to say something like that to an annoying bank or phone company or whatnot...

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 25 August 2003 01:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate to burst your bubble, but he said that to me after he hung up on them.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 25 August 2003 02:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, I see, and it wasn't even in reference to the phone call. Gotcha, Christine. ;-)

― jewelly (jewelly), Monday, 25 August 2003 02:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm so ripping off "Is my dick too big for America?" in every conceivable social and work situation ever from now on it isn't even funny.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 25 August 2003 02:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, I see, and it wasn't even in reference to the phone call. Gotcha, Christine. ;-)

It *was* in reference to the phone call, actually.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 25 August 2003 02:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh wait, you were making a funny. Never mind.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 25 August 2003 02:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I woke up one night many years ago, sat up, and asked my then-housemates "is that lentils or soup in the can?" to a chorus of drunken laughter. I still talk in my sleep but wifey says it's usually just mumbling so far

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Monday, 25 August 2003 02:45 (twenty-two years ago)

"You make one more hostile move towards me and I'm going to rip off your fingers and piss on your forehead."
(As said by one dangerously calm LSD-tripping kid to his spasmatic and overly physical friend who was also tripping... and I got to witness all)

― The Man they call Dan (The Man they call Dan), Monday, 25 August 2003 04:37 (twenty-two years ago)

"It's like we grabbed him by the back of the head and straight-up skull-fucked him in the eyesocket with music."

― as said by "prizow" in regards to trombone-player's-audition-for-a-band (nickali, Monday, 25 August 2003 04:40 (twenty-two years ago)

"I feel like a flea in a sprig of fuckin' broccoli."

-As said by a friend as a bunch of us lay on the ground in the woods whilst very stoned a few years ago.

― jewelly (jewelly), Monday, 25 August 2003 04:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"That is the stupidest thing I have heard the the entirety of the world!!!" I can't remember what was so stupid to make me say such a thing.

― danielle g. (danielle g.), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"just don't bite it"
"fuck you i gave at the office"
"get our boys out of vietnam"

― duane, Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:05 (twenty-two years ago)

oh shit i just totally ripped off someone else's jokes, i don't think he'll find out tho

― duane, Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"If it was fucking blue mud I wouldn't care!"
-a friend after getting mud all over his nice blue pants

― The Man they call Dan (The Man they call Dan), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

*southern twang* "You done stepped on your dick now, boy"

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:13 (twenty-two years ago)

hehehe... I think that's one of the best ones so far, Oops.

― The Man they call Dan (The Man they call Dan), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno, I've heard that one a lot.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:14 (twenty-two years ago)

neighbor to my mom when she yelled at my brother (age 5 at the time) for letting rip a huge gaseous eruption-"aw hell, let the boy fart!"

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah I thought this was supposed to be utterly bizarre combinations of words you'd never expect to hear, not random (tho admittedly amusing) insults and outbursts... still, carry on all.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

uber-nazilike thread demon, begone!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i knew that trayce but i was just doing a thing i thought was funny

― duane, Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a mark of my lack of respect for ILX that i use it for injokes & messages to my mates

― duane, Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

when i think about it

― duane, Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah don't get me wrong, I think everything posted thus far is funny :)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 August 2003 05:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Please excuse my drunkeness, but this conversation I had thid evening reminded me of this thred. It really does not belong in banal conversations.
Madame Rum - My thong was sticking out.
me - see I have found a way to make boxers on women sexy.
M. rum - how's that?
me - I just show them my boobs.

― danielle g. (danielle g.), Thursday, 28 August 2003 07:21 (twenty-two years ago)

One thing I will never ever say again:

"Hello, is that Hedi. Hi, this is Anna. I'm your sister."

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 28 August 2003 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

My roommate: I think I'll hang this fish off the toilet flushy thing.

― kirsten (kirsten), Thursday, 28 August 2003 09:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"that's not a piece of shite, that's a fucking ma-chine"
- said by the owner of a bicycle that someone referred to as a piece of shite.

― angela (angela), Thursday, 28 August 2003 09:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus God Fuck! The cat shit in the cigar box!

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 28 August 2003 09:42 (twenty-two years ago)

"dammit, this is only fools shit!"

-- Trayce

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 29 August 2003 03:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Ahahahah oh dear, what a way to be immortalized =)

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 29 August 2003 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

yelled at a friend while they were walking home one night:

"That's why you're walking alone, you helmet!"

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 29 August 2003 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

She's dumber than a roomful of hair
[via Mr. Maxwell]

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 29 August 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

"Dope colors; Got a paper?"

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 29 August 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

THIS IS MY THREAD!

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Friday, 29 August 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Sadly, I can't find my little book thingy I've been trying to write these down in. But, I did hear one yesterday that was pretty funny.

"It was so hot yesterday. When I woke up, I walked outside and started throwing rocks at the sun."

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Friday, 29 August 2003 12:04 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

MOM DAD FUCKIN SAY SOMETHIN I LOVE YA I'M BOUT TO BLOW YR MIND *commence beatbox*

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

GET ONE LIFE!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Emily, who was it that said the thing about "dolphins are the assholes of the sea"?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

"You're like one of those sea urchins that lulls its prey to sleep."

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

nick-sammy and i decided that one night after discussing our mutual hatred for creatures of the sea. those smug dolphins in particular. and you may be interested to know that the seahorse is the transexual of the sea.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

But did you remember that the manatee is the speedbump of the sea?

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"Now then, who's tit is this?"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm not your boyfriend, but that is my penis!"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hey, wanna sniff my hand, it smells of dog shit and human piss!"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

My friends, who were there, formed a band later on called "Hey, wanna sniff my hand, it smells of dog shit and human piss!".

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

(They never had any gigs.)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

From the mouths of the same friends:

"Wanna know how we got our festival tickets? We promised to give a blowjob to a sailor!"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"Who's Guy Smiley? Didn't he die?"

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

(And they did.)

(x-post)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"And you may ask yourself - is this my beautiful house? Is this my beautiful wife?"

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"Only hours ago you wouldn't say cunt flaps, and now you're spitting out dildos all over the place"

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

COME ON ANSWER THE QUESTION; THIS ISN'T ROCKET SURGERY!!!!!!!!

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

On his way out the door: "Dammit! I forgot that turkey egg for Aunt Pearl!"

― briania (briania), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 18:56 (twenty-one years ago)

"The tone of the film? The theme is ... fuck, pardon my profanity, sir, but it's a turkish delight. With, I think, a razor in the center."

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 07:55 (twenty-one years ago)

(note: pitch went well. I got the job I was aiming for above. directing the film during the next two weeks.)

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 07:56 (twenty-one years ago)

nine years pass...

found this by searching for "hapax legomena"

today i ran across the word burglarious

― flatizza (harbl), Tuesday, 29 July 2014 01:16 (eleven years ago)

six years pass...

Yah Mo B There

― Wet Pretzels and Other Soggy Snacks (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 23 December 2020 13:05 (five years ago)

"alpha david", which the person speaking it confused for "affidavit".

r/boneappletea

― Looking for Cape Penis house (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 23 December 2020 14:03 (five years ago)

Not in person, but I read the deposition for a case I was working on where the witness, an attorney, refused to acknowledge that documents marked as exhibits at the prior day of the deposition were the same documents, as is the usual custom:

Witness: "The lack of a chain of custody of these documents gives me a great sense of disquietude. D-I-S-Q-U-I-E-T-U-D-E."

Opposing Attorney: "You don't have to spell it for the stenographer."

Witness: "I wasn't spelling it for her, I was spelling it for you."

― Jimi Buffett (PBKR), Wednesday, 23 December 2020 15:44 (five years ago)

lol

― Looking for Cape Penis house (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 23 December 2020 15:44 (five years ago)

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