Your Parallel Life

Don't you mean "Who would you be doing now and what would you be doing it with?"

STEALING MY JOKE, you bastard. And Dan's too, no doubt.

No Internet, hm? Probably cooped up in a dark and lonely room surrounded by CDs and videotapes wondering why nobody loves me. Wait, that's the way I live now, never mind.

For goodness sakes you lot, I know there's a war on but can't you do better than one joke between three people?

i can see the three people...

I read a letter to a computer magazine once that moaned that Clive Sinclair added three years to his virginity. Mark Andreeson must be responsible for this and worse, but his victims are WorldWide.

B-b-but Magnus, what about all the INTERWEB ROMANCES we read about in the newspapers? Everyone on this board seems to be at it like monkeys, for a start.

they are at it like monkeys = they are virgins

Well, instead of checking up on ILE and my interweb mail, I'd be frying a couple of eggs and checking up on whatever Russell-T-Davies-esque drama was steaming up the airwaves on the telly. But I'd still ne clutching the phone number of a beautiful GURL in my sweaty hand. Har har har.

That's right Al, get to the phone boxes before they make those cards illegal!

(NB note that I am derailing my own thread through jokes because the qn itself scares me)

Ned, I live the same way, although I suspect you're joking.

As far as interweb romances, I did meet my former boyfriend there, and have been hoping lightening would strike twice for a while now... I could actually meet lots of people through chatrooms, etc, so using interweb that way isn't too bad. I mean, what's better? Bars? Meeting people through friends? Ok, conceivably this might work, but in the small handful of my experiences, it's been embarassing. What part of "young, cute, and into rock'n'roll" doesn't make sense? One danger of always being online is that it creates an unreal sense of what interpersonal relationships are, even what reality is. Even if you're in an "instant message" scenario where you get an immediate response to whatever you're saying, it still feels like its taking place on some strange realm that's not quite reality. Nothing beats human contact; why is it so hard? It would help matters immeasurably if I would ease off the requirement that all my friends/potential dates have impeccable, or at least interesting musical taste. It eliminates far too many people. I don't think I'll be backing down on that, tho.

Ok, so to answer the question, I'd either be meeting a lot more people, or I'd be crying. Actually, the real answer is right now I'd be doing work, instead of wasting company time.

Another question is why do I always feel compelled to say things that make me look like a loser or a creep?

I *do* have an amazing collection of T. Rex stuff, that's gotta make me look cool, right? Right???

I'd be single, mostly friendless, broke, without a degree, working as an ill-paid typist, and still living in hideous Tampa, Florida. My mother always said "You'll never meet a nice boy sitting home alone." I proved her wrong, and am now married, with fabulous friends, making decent money, MA'ed, working as a technical writer, and living in lovely Seattle.

Thanks, Layna, I take it all back, I love the Internet!! Hapiness is just around the corner...

i would read a lot more books than i do.

As far as the internet/romance thing, it's a double edged sword.

Without the internet, I probably wouldn't have ended up in Seattle, or befriending as many folks as I have now. Nor would I have become more politically aware. Being on a listserv is a good way to get immediate, frank feedback whenever you make a not-so-insightful comment on a turgent issue... that's one of the more underrated importances of the net, me thinks.

On the other hand, as far as romance goes, I've proven to myself over and over again that -- for me only -- the net's not the way to do it. I depend greatly on some sort of body language and interaction in order to feel the fuzzies for somebody. Someone could be amazing on ICQ or even on the phone, but if that person just has some weird complementary facial expression/body language issue that just rubs me the wrong way, then I just can't ignore that -- all issues of "attractiveness" aside.

Point being: the net's great in providing an extra form of communication; especially during more tense moments of a relationship. But it's a lousy way, I feel, to develop a relationship.

Of course the question scarews you, Tom - without the internet you'd have done nothing for six years and I WOULD RULE despite my own pathetic record of achievement. As for phone cards becoming illegal - I had an awful dream last night on the subject of ID cards, in that they were all different colours 'in case of terrorist activity' and mine was pink. I couldn't work out if that was because I was a pink-o or because the Home Office thought I should bring a 'special friend' home...

I dunno. Working in a holiday camp with my cousins: that's the nightmarish possibility. More likely I'd simply be doing very little, not doing it with anyone, and be very depressed, lonely and isolated while doing what little I was doing.

Same thing I'm doing now: drinking heavily and talking to the people I live with. Just without the distraction of also typing.

I'd be into CB.

I actually had no internet for two week s once and I found I read more. Actually I got less information and more substance in general.

I'd sleep a bit more. That's it.

I probably wouldn't be so filled with homicidal rage against people who constantly interrupt my surfing by talking to me in RL

I would be a lot less annoyed about my hard drive emitting the evil rattle of death last night and rendering my home PC unusable.

Whoa, would my life be different. Since I work on this interweb, well, I wouldn't have a job, or at least, I'd still be back doing something horribly dull like sys admining or developing database applications. I wouldn't have the band I'm in, cause I'd never have met any of my band mates without the net. I don't know if I'd be even living in London, or if I did, I'd probably live in darkest Herts or something. Though I didn't meet my BF through the internet, so hopefully that's one thing that would still be constant... even though I met him through the band and while living in London, which are two things we've established wouldn't have happened without the internet. Good god, I'm not sure I like this parallel life.

As Al said, I would have done nothing for six years. Though I'm not entirely sure. I was going out with Isabel before I discovered the Internet and I knew most of my core of friends then too, so those things wouldn't have changed. But I wouldn't be writing about music and I wouldn't be living in Oxford and I wouldn't have the job I do. I would be shyer and less sociable, less confident, working in standard market research, but if I was writing it might be the creative writing (plays and so on) that I did at University.

Right now, I'd probably be watching TV. I'd still have the same group of friends, I don't think my life would be changed that much. I guess I'd just be a little bored without it.

But in my actual parallel life, I'm rich, handsome and powerful...so I guess I'd be having fun and not realising the emptiness of my existence. I don't like the parallel I.

Much the same, but minus the giant phone bill.

You pay for this?

Since I'm at work, most people would assume I would be working; but it 's been so boring and slow lately I'd probably just be sitting around bored.

Other than that, would my life be any different? I don't know. I really don't want to get too long and philosophical, but I've met some great people and also gained a bit more confidence in my writing because of the net, so I guess that's a positive thing.

I would still be at work but probably have to start drinking in the bathroom stall.

Nick: hell yes. But I *do* make hasty with writing it off against taxes.

My music collection would be very, very diffrent.

I would be playing my mandolin, the tune "Woody's Rag." Awesome!

> Without the internet, I probably wouldn't have ended up in Seattle

Well hi Brian, we'll have to wave at each other next time we're at a show of some kind. You'll recognize us as the pair of fat geeks talking to no one!

As for the romance-needing-contact thing: that works for most people, yeah, but as my husband and I have no social skills, the net-meeting worked just fine for us, and neither was disappointed by the RL meeting a year later.

I'd still be listening to only the Goo Goo Dolls, Stan Rogers, Fiona Apple, Neil Young, and Nine Inch Nails due to complete lack of exposure to anything of interest. I would not have channelled most of the energy and excitement I used to put into reading into music and the Internet, and I would finish books much more quickly than I do now. I would not have read anything by Oscar Wilde or Charles Dickens. I would spend more time on the phone with my friends, but I wouldn't have conversations with them in the middle of the night like I do on instant messenger.

"I'd still be listening to only the Goo Goo Dolls, Stan Rogers, Fiona Apple, Neil Young, and Nine Inch Nails due to complete lack of exposure to anything of interest."

so how have your tastes changed then, maria?

(that was not a sarcastic question. i don't know how it could be taken as such, but the opening is there.)

I don't know if they've changed so much as developed; I still like those I mentioned. With Napster (and now Morpheus) I've been able to hear most of what I've tried to look up and decide what I like. I can't sum up all of my tastes in a sentence or two, though.

All i would do is eat and fuck in my little cell in the ivory tower.

dont fuck what you eat

what would i be doing? I'd be sitting in the corner of this lame cafe where I have to go to meet my friends reading Steps by Jerzy Kosinski and feeling pacified and clever instead of feeling like I'm slowly murdering myself. Fuck my lack of self discipline. I'd be sitting by myself though my friends are here. Someone would come and talk to me and I'd pretend to listen. I think it's the glare of social contact that attracts me to this forum. It's like ... I can't think of any metaphors except sniffing petrol or the taste of methadone, but I hate drugs ... oh well times up anyway!

by the way the taste of methadone is like poison so that people won't scoff it