ever pop a boner at work for no explainable reason?

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it sucks, just peacefully doing your job, or roaming the halls, or at your desk, and all the sudden, ya got a huge boner. why's that happen? i mean, ya ain't even thinkin anything sexual, but all the sudden, your soldier is standing at attention. this can make for a most bogusly embarrassing situation.

― ryan t hoffman, Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:04 (twenty-three years ago)

i mean, honestly. i'm not trying to be vulgar or anything. it's like a phenomon or something. i was told it can be caused by heading toward the "over the hill " syndrome, but i ain't over the hill, i'm only 24

― ryan t hoffman, Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Bill Clinton to thread (that would've been so funny exactly five years ago!)

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:09 (twenty-three years ago)

http://the-results.com/fark6.jpg

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:12 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm really sorry, i'm not trying to be gross, it's just kinda a bummer, cuz if you've ever seen our navy uniforms, ....... poppin the ole woodrow is pretty noticeable.

― ryan t hoffman, Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:17 (twenty-three years ago)

is that your real name ryan? if so, are you aware of the powers of google?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:18 (twenty-three years ago)

"Pave Them"?

― donut bitch (donut), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:23 (twenty-three years ago)

So you're gay, Ryan?

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:31 (twenty-three years ago)

marc, you mother fuckin sperm shitting rectal wort, i ain't gay, bitch. to oops, yes, my name is ryan, and i have no clue what google is

― ryan t hoffman, Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:33 (twenty-three years ago)

besides, marc, you always try to bustigate me every time i make a comment, why? what the hell have i done to you?

― ryan t hoffman, Wednesday, 27 August 2003 20:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi! I have just found this thread from the popular web search engine "Google" and am appalled at the lifestyle choices of some of the people posting here.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 21:01 (twenty-three years ago)

― thuddd (thuddd), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 21:40 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/ally_interrogates.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 27 August 2003 21:41 (twenty-three years ago)

HOFFMAN!!!! Drop and give me fifty!

― ryan's (nickn), Thursday, 28 August 2003 06:15 (twenty-three years ago)

What did I do? I asked if you were gay cos you're getting all these boners in the navy, dude.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 28 August 2003 12:08 (twenty-three years ago)

So you think being gay's a bad thing, Ryan? Tell us more.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 28 August 2003 12:11 (twenty-three years ago)

does this have anything to do with you and oops' disagreement about homophobia?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Thursday, 28 August 2003 12:12 (twenty-three years ago)

if oops comes back there could very well be a threesome.

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 28 August 2003 12:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Not at all. And Jim, we didn't disagree about homophobia, I just questioned his motives for doing that thread all those months ago.

Ryan obviously has strong views on the subject, and if he's willing to discuss them I'd be fascinated to hear them.

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 28 August 2003 12:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't ask, don't tell.

― Catty (Catty), Thursday, 28 August 2003 12:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Is this the thread where we discuss that photo of Mark C and his bone?

― caitlin (caitlin), Thursday, 28 August 2003 13:23 (twenty-three years ago)

My bone?

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 28 August 2003 13:26 (twenty-three years ago)

If I ever sprung a stinger at work I would be amazed. There is nothing erotic about my cube.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 28 August 2003 13:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Answer: every fucking day. I'm like a 15 year-old boy some days. No explainable reason? There's usually a reason: I'm thinking about naked or semi-naked girls all day, etc.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 28 August 2003 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

Shit! I guess I can kiss my chat partners good-bye! Sorry girls! :-(

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 28 August 2003 13:38 (twenty-three years ago)

mine seem totally random (no salor connection). seems to happen more often when i'm tired. or playing with myself.

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 28 August 2003 13:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I get 'em on the bus.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 28 August 2003 13:53 (twenty-three years ago)

It's the vibration, and the diesel smell. And the transient fantasies you can have about fellow riders. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING THIS WEEKEND!!!

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 28 August 2003 14:04 (twenty-three years ago)

why pay $4.99/min for phone sex when you can ride the bus for $1.75 all day.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 28 August 2003 14:06 (twenty-three years ago)

it's called diesel dick, for real.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 28 August 2003 14:16 (twenty-three years ago)

I sometimes get a stiffy if I ride a bike in a way that puts a lot of pressure on the, uh, underside. It used to happen a lot on the upright bikes in the gym. Other than that, no, not really. Mayeb I am over the hill Ryan was talking about and coasting down the other side...

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 28 August 2003 14:43 (twenty-three years ago)

It's why I stopped riding the stationary bikes and why I'm terrified to take part in a spinning class.

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 28 August 2003 14:45 (twenty-three years ago)

This never happens to me.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 28 August 2003 14:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Me neither, luna. And I have totally cute coworkers, too.

― rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe we're too old, Rosemary

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:03 (twenty-three years ago)

re 'homophobia', i am unfortunately starting to feel some ugly prejudice right now, as on the computer I am currently using in the interweb cafe, the screen keeps randomly switching back to 'WorldFisting.com' and it is very annoying. (it's stuck on the 'homepage' too so there aren't even any funny pics)

― dave q, Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:14 (twenty-three years ago)

I just did! I guess this isn't really supposed to be a play-by-play thread, huh?

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:14 (twenty-three years ago)

aahhh haa haaaah haa ha haaaawwww.
please no more making me laugh this hard - i work in a small office.

― dyson (dyson), Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Ryan, Ryan, answer me! Tell me what you think of gays!

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:52 (twenty-three years ago)

They get boners.

― ryanalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Lok Ryan, look at the crappy answers from people like Nick. Your thread needs you!

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 28 August 2003 15:55 (twenty-three years ago)

what i think of gays? i don't care, i ain't gay, but i don't hate gays, as long as they do their thing and leave me alone to do mine, i'm happy. and , bitch, what does having a boner and being in the navy have in common? do you think only males are in the navy? yer sorely mistaken. in fact, if you came to naval hospital oak harbor, you'd see were pretty well even as far as female to male employees. well, bitches, have a nice life. i was asking a sincere question, and ya all got to be perverted. so...... well, you depraved, perverted fucks aren't even worthy of me giving a decent insult to.

― ryan hoffman, Thursday, 28 August 2003 20:24 (twenty-three years ago)

whoa, this is a stimulating thread. hoffman, you got to lighten the fuck up. plus, posting a thread like this, what type of answer were you expecting to get? i've seen a thread or two of yours, you say your not welcome in the navy, and youre getting kicked out for epilepsy and this and that, well, ya ain't welcome here, either. and your fiance who died, who cares? and i bet she's thrilled shitless that she doesn't have to be around you any more. do us all a favor, do'n come back, noone wants ya here, cock-knocking sailor boy. shit, at 24, who are you to have any philosophy on anything? these words harsh to ya? get used to them, your a fuckin loser, and the world'll be a better place when you die

― red, Thursday, 28 August 2003 20:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmmmmmmmmm...

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Thursday, 28 August 2003 20:48 (twenty-three years ago)

are ryan and red the same person suffering from a split personality disagreement?

Sybil to thread?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 28 August 2003 20:51 (twenty-three years ago)

well, you depraved, perverted fucks aren't even worthy of me giving a decent insult to.

Not to put too fine a point on it, Ryan, I'd be a HELL of a lot more sympathetic towards you if you hadn't used a racial insult or two some time back in a post or two (and as it is your complaint about your Pilipina coworker's lunch made me wonder a bit more). My sympathies for your loss are tempered by the fact that unfortunately you seem like someone I would rather avoid. The difference between you and longtime board member Marcello Carlin -- someone who also lost someone far too soon and has carried around much understandable anger and grief since then, but who would never sling around such language and is clearly not afflicted by bigotry -- is clear enough on that front.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 28 August 2003 20:55 (twenty-three years ago)

what now? you gunna kwy, you fuckin brain washed shit bag? huh?

― red, Thursday, 28 August 2003 20:55 (twenty-three years ago)

red and ryan split personalities? nope, i'd never claim to be that sorry sack of shit

― red, Thursday, 28 August 2003 20:57 (twenty-three years ago)

its worth remembering that when ryan first appeared, that he claimed that some people were posting from his machine. there could be possibility of people dicking around with ryans email here, or it could just be ryan passing the time, either way i suggest its probably not worth getting too engaged with any of this

― Barry Upscale, Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:02 (twenty-three years ago)

especially when considers that by putting ryans name into google along with other information in the email, you can find his telephone number (360-279-xxxx), so i dont think its really ryan and there may be some cause for deletion here

― Barry Upscale, Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:08 (twenty-three years ago)

i have no clue what yer talkin bout, but what's it matter? according to all of you, he's a bigoted , hateful punk. i am clearly not any of that, but in the grand scheme, who cares? what good's my word anyway?

― red, Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:10 (twenty-three years ago)

but if i'm no more welcome here than he is, i am more than happy to get out.

― red, Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:14 (twenty-three years ago)

somebody say something about a threesome?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:18 (twenty-three years ago)

i think you misread-this thread has actually become TIRESOME bickering as most seem to.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:20 (twenty-three years ago)

I think i know what is happening here

― 5amuel birdsong, Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:24 (twenty-three years ago)

really now?

― red, Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:34 (twenty-three years ago)

This thread turns my face into a heart.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:36 (twenty-three years ago)

well, then, birdsong, let's hear your brilliant theory.

― red, Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:40 (twenty-three years ago)

"its worth remembering that when ryan first appeared, that he claimed that some people were posting from his machine"

Whoa, this adds a very interesting dynamic to anything I read at ilxor. Who here really are who they are?

Anyway for the original question. I think when a male is feeling very relaxed that even without any sexual thought things can rise.

― A Nairn (moretap), Thursday, 28 August 2003 21:54 (twenty-three years ago)

My personal opinion is someone is using Ryan's name on purpose to make him look like a dickhead. Because if it isn't that, then he really has no clue about the internet, because who would post their full name, email addy, occupation and specific work location, ESPECIALLY if they worked in the military? Thats some serious firin' shit right there, particularly with the rather foulmouthed 'tude this guy gots going.

As I'm not an admin I wouldnt know either way, anyone looked at the IPs? *curious*

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 28 August 2003 23:48 (twenty-three years ago)

oh come on everybody knows Ryan is C /-\ |_ |_| |\/| in disguise, innit

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 29 August 2003 01:40 (twenty-three years ago)

and C /-\ |_ |_| |\/| is |3 e ( |< '/ ?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 29 August 2003 01:46 (twenty-three years ago)

My head hurts now.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 29 August 2003 02:46 (twenty-three years ago)

In response to the question of the thread's title... only at work? I see the right cloud formation in the sky and I'm liable to be at attention.

― The Man they call Dan (The Man they call Dan), Friday, 29 August 2003 03:20 (twenty-three years ago)

rub one out in the morning, rub one out at night until it's all gone. you may have to start with higher doses.

― sc, Friday, 29 August 2003 03:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Sc is entirely correct, sir.

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 29 August 2003 08:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I think the explanation for Ryan and Red is probably Internet Connection Sharing.

Ryan is racist and homophobic, which is why I dislike him, however much he has suffered of late.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 29 August 2003 11:24 (twenty-three years ago)

Thank you, I'm not alone...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 29 August 2003 12:25 (twenty-three years ago)

Call Me I will help you guys with those boners...lol

― jayela, Friday, 29 August 2003 20:37 (twenty-three years ago)

and i have no clue what google is

That is so much harder to believe than the boner-popping ...

― Paul Ess, Friday, 29 August 2003 21:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually, the problem I have at work isn't uncontrollable boner-popping, the problem I have is with people thinking I have major digestive problems, when I really just keep taking breaks to impregnate the toilet. I get off on not washing my hands and sharing finger-foods with the girls at work. It's like my penis is in their mouth!

Ok, that was a bit distasteful. But, it's funny because it's true! (Not really. [but is it not really "funny" or not really "true?])

― Scaredy Cat, Friday, 29 August 2003 23:03 (twenty-three years ago)

three years pass...

RYAN T HOFFMAN, this is your CO.

The boner problem "pops up" for me on occasion, too. Report to the back of the bus.

http://www.kristoffer.com/friends/images/ross.jpg

― Z S, Saturday, 31 March 2007 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

This thread A++++++

i'm really sorry, i'm not trying to be gross, it's just kinda a bummer, cuz if you've ever seen our navy uniforms, ....... poppin the ole woodrow is pretty noticeable.

― Curt1s Stephens, Saturday, 31 March 2007 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

David Schwimmer just gave me a soft-on.

― Trayce, Saturday, 31 March 2007 21:59 (nineteen years ago)

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