God bless the goddamn Onion

I had a weird sensation reading some of the pieces, laughter and sadness at the same time. The tone is slightly different than usual Onion (the sidebar piece on the Arab 3rd grader), a bit less clever and more in-your-face (see the God clarifies position piece). You can feel the gravity in what they are doing here.

but i still find them very funny

to be honest i cant really think of many sources of comedy which dont use tired old formulas, or rather come up with totally new and hilarious joke formats every time....

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news1802.jpg

roffle

In the same edition, the TV guide spoof made me totally lose my shit (in the slightly unhinged mood of the time, obv)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38450

Especially CBS: "Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air / Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit / Medicating Dan Rather"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/95_96_prayers_finally

I was laughing at this until the very end. That last joke seems unusually mean-spirited for the Onion.

um, the christopher reeve snipe was hardly cricket.

True. I guess that somehow escaped me when I first read it.

i liked this one because is not jello a foods

[a hrarf = this is my internets link] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/conceptual_terrorists_encase_sears[/a hraf linkthing]

I have to say, for having webbed toes you are impressively skilled at typing.

a hrarf!

I don't get why everybody's blaming the puppy for not being Socialist Realism or somethink.

I don't even know what that means and I am a hu-man.

who blames a puppy
i am lerning better, promise
the psyientests are teaching me

I didn't express myself very clearly.

Anyway, if y'all thought the "95-96 Prayers Backlog" was cold, look what I stumbled across:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29919

okay that is awesome

the onion's had a hardon for superman for awhile - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30382

whose balls are you, i am lookinf for mine

http://fanaticking.com/photos/Michael_Vick_Dog.jpg

i kinda forgot abt the onion but this was posted on the quantum mechanic thread and it is funnee
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_ask_congress_to_fund_50

They've really been on a roll with the cartoons - they're probably my favorite thing in the Onion now.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Cage-Free-Eggs.jpg

One of my more flattering caricatures.

Ha.

I also really love that every so often there will be an editorial cartoon about the cartoonist's ex-wife.

lol
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Freak-Dancing.jpg

I read the last word wrong and thought this was gonna be about
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Teens-Turning-Backs.jpg

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg
who's that on the right? Jabba the Hutt?

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mel_brooks_starts_nonprofit

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyKlassicMujahideen.article.jpg

holy moly, if I ever need to borrow a cup of forehead I'm knocking on that guy's door

there was a period several years ago when i felt like the onion was less funny, but it's been feeling more classic lately

Probably because they were in various stages of private equity hell for a while, but the Ben Collins era has cleared the corporate cobwebs.

also the Jim Haggerty Show is wonderful

the Bin Laden guy just casually talking about murdering innocent people was amazing, love how they keep finding these people who look and sound like real rightwing podcasters

kinda bummed they sent Tim to hell but I was starting to get worried for his vocal chords, there was one recent Office Hours where he sounded a little raspy and I wondered if it's because he's doing that voice so much now. would be amazing if they actually let Phil Braun host the show now.

funny, i've been assuming he'll be back next week, either with a report from hell or maybe live via satellite from hell or something? only thing i was bummed about was they kinda did the same thing on On Cinema a couple years ago, Tim was administered a lethal injection and died on-air. i forget how they did it but he came back and things were back to normal pretty quick, lol

tim is very resilient

also Phil is very deadpan funny

“it’s called dumping”

the On Cinema lethal injection was supposed to be fake, its just the grain water had weakened his system to the point where even the placebo put him into a coma. you can see the doctor panicking about it at the end of the episode.

I assume this is it for Tim because there was a moment where he's saying something like "tune in next week, we got some exciting new people for you", also on Office Hours I think he mentions that his Infowars stint is only going to last a few months, that said they do seem to be doing this all by the seat of their pants so who knows. I mean they turned Jim Haggerty into a pig and look at him now!

Yeah I didn't assume Heidecker would have a long run, he has other things to do and also it's kind of a (very good) one-note joke so you don't want to overplay it.

Yeah he said when this started back that playing Alex Jones would only be funny for about two months.

I wonder if his run will end with him exploding?

reputationally, psychologically, or actually?

i’m just relieved Horace is okay

is it just me or did Douggpound do the voiceover for one of the fake ads this week

this is actually from The Hard Times:

Karoline Leavitt Says She’ll Still Defend Pedophiles on Pro Bono Basis After Exiting White House

Jim Haggerty’s reactions to the guy’s death were amazing

weird: I just got in the mail the September/October 202*5* issue, but still haven’t received the One Nation Over God special issue.

not sure if this is an old one but it killed me

https://scontent-den2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.99422-6/774461401_2277653546317436_2609616531236274461_n.png?stp=dst-jpg_tt6&cstp=mx1080x1350&ctp=s1080x1350&_nc_cat=109&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=iZpq895z-MQQ7kNvwGa8wrh&_nc_oc=AdodnHb5A_ptNEZV9aEgn9_Qw0hpX_BgyFGS-pQ_HwgSUX2r8Wvc08LURp1qiHuxL1Q&_nc_zt=14&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.xx&_nc_gid=Vs-0oreRZ5gW0Lc5m54R4Q&_nc_ss=7b2a8&oh=00_AQEFcJ3udxDO42CaUifQ5DRG0bHzcu1wvBniK2uhXhkLuw&oe=6A895C83

Something interesting and/or troubling I noticed. If you google "infowars" or "onion infowars", you get hits for real news stories about the acquisition but no get hits for their Infowars site or content. Same thing when you toggle the search to "videos." I wonder why? If you search in youtube you get the stuff, though.

https://www.avclub.com/brad-holbrook-interview-the-onion-infowars-the-jim-haggerty-show

last episode of the Jim Haggerty Show tonight, and new host for Emergency! with promised “very, very” special guests.

Phil Braun is my new hero

Of course the payoff would be a C-Span squareness/normalcy, what better way to underscore how weird these weirdos are.

Chemicals That Pushed Man's Ancestors To Hunt Down Wild Boar Flare At Sight Of White Cheddar Popcorn Bag

I don't think I've ever seen Phil Braun break on Office Hours but Edi Patterson got him to do it several times

Full circle here, since this is what inspired me to start this thread twenty-five years ago:

https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3mukrelcygs2b

Hey everybody. On the 25-year anniversary, we're reprinting the much revered 9/11 edition of The Onion and sending that free to every member this month.

It's been 25 long years. Look back in anger.

https://theonion.com/klingon-speakers-now-outnumber-navajo-speakers-1819565239/

hahahah what are they doing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_Nr1X8hif4

yeah I’m stokes

stoked

lmao on the one-year anniversary no less

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRoA4YfM128

(apparently they didn't use AI to make this, though obviously they tried to make it sound like it did)

lol My son and his friends sing that "We Are Charlie Kirk" song as a joke.

i'm trying to find the one with the guy who was maybe talking about some mission he went on and how he had to escape being detected and it was literally just the scene from Mrs Doubtfire with the cream pie in the fridge.

starts at 7:09 -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCBUYJbuz3Y

lmao

heh v good

Thanking u

this interview with Phil is killing me

that felt so much like an On Cinema thing especially the way he was writing that comedy writer and Phil Braun

the new Vic Berger vid on the Infowars account is insane

HOG WATER

missed the new Vic Berger show last night

If you're a like minded American man with a similar background, you won't just love Hog Water, you'll find YOU NEED IT

Kat Abughazaleh
@katmabu.bsky.social
· 17h
Can confirm! My bones are even bigger and hotter now!

gawd damn

https://theonion.com/hiding-in-plane-sight/

has anyone tried playing the voting simulator? very funny but tough to navigate. I always seem to get blasted into the void.

JUST A BIG FAN OF WINDOWS 95!!

which is to say if you haven't seen the latest Infowars vid, it is pretty fkin' wild, also NSFW