God bless the goddamn Onion

I had a weird sensation reading some of the pieces, laughter and sadness at the same time. The tone is slightly different than usual Onion (the sidebar piece on the Arab 3rd grader), a bit less clever and more in-your-face (see the God clarifies position piece). You can feel the gravity in what they are doing here.

but i still find them very funny

to be honest i cant really think of many sources of comedy which dont use tired old formulas, or rather come up with totally new and hilarious joke formats every time....

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news1802.jpg

roffle

In the same edition, the TV guide spoof made me totally lose my shit (in the slightly unhinged mood of the time, obv)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38450

Especially CBS: "Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air / Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit / Medicating Dan Rather"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/95_96_prayers_finally

I was laughing at this until the very end. That last joke seems unusually mean-spirited for the Onion.

um, the christopher reeve snipe was hardly cricket.

True. I guess that somehow escaped me when I first read it.

i liked this one because is not jello a foods

[a hrarf = this is my internets link] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/conceptual_terrorists_encase_sears[/a hraf linkthing]

I have to say, for having webbed toes you are impressively skilled at typing.

a hrarf!

I don't get why everybody's blaming the puppy for not being Socialist Realism or somethink.

I don't even know what that means and I am a hu-man.

who blames a puppy
i am lerning better, promise
the psyientests are teaching me

I didn't express myself very clearly.

Anyway, if y'all thought the "95-96 Prayers Backlog" was cold, look what I stumbled across:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29919

okay that is awesome

the onion's had a hardon for superman for awhile - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30382

whose balls are you, i am lookinf for mine

http://fanaticking.com/photos/Michael_Vick_Dog.jpg

i kinda forgot abt the onion but this was posted on the quantum mechanic thread and it is funnee
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_ask_congress_to_fund_50

They've really been on a roll with the cartoons - they're probably my favorite thing in the Onion now.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Cage-Free-Eggs.jpg

One of my more flattering caricatures.

Ha.

I also really love that every so often there will be an editorial cartoon about the cartoonist's ex-wife.

lol
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Freak-Dancing.jpg

I read the last word wrong and thought this was gonna be about
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Teens-Turning-Backs.jpg

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg
who's that on the right? Jabba the Hutt?

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mel_brooks_starts_nonprofit

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyKlassicMujahideen.article.jpg

judging from some Facebook and YouTube comments there are some watchers of the old Infowars who stuck around lmao

hahaha

on the other timeline, the boat crash plot line is gonna be good. Tim knows enough now that when he abandons a critically injured person to state publicly that he can’t remember anything

woops wrong thread

Phil Braun playing a 17 year old Whataburger employee was amazing

I lost it at when he said “it’s called dumping”

Yak Hopes They Never Stop Making Grass

lost it @ the "fish milk" guy immediately appearing in the ad for the penis flattener

Holy shit, the bit starting around 55 minutes when they start discussing demons and especially a bit after the hour mark when Tim's wife calls in ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgjA-JM-1B4

Starts at 1:05 or so. Everyone involved can barely keep a straight face.

tim was breaking during both callers

i was also obsessed with the cut of the demon-hunter woman’s hair/wig

His ex wife is Judy Gemstone??

Was it her? I'd believe it based on the word "butthole" alone.

it was her yes

I bet knowing it's her made it even harder to keep a straight face.

you used to BEG for my dick and butt uhhh....dick and balls

love how EMERGENCY is just becoming an extension of Office Hours along with certain On Cinema bits (particularly Xposed with "Roy Larue"). this week one of the callers was John C. Reilly!

jfc the Jim Haggerty segment this week was dark

this show is so great

"it's clear from your story you're a pretty good shot" had me dying

So dark, lol.

Reminded me of some of the great old Today Now bits with kids, like interviewing the toddler who writes the Fast & Furious movies. There's something about him that's really funny with little kids.

I thought the Haggerty interview with the trad-wife that self-crated was hilarious.

"well I think Jesus had a bigger hog than that" really an all-timer of a line delivery too

Small Town's Make-Out Point Purchased by Multinational Make-Out Conglomerate

https://scontent-den2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.99422-6/766799388_1048398184223537_5922917584922330737_n.png?stp=dst-jpg_tt6&cstp=mx1080x1350&ctp=s1080x1350&_nc_cat=103&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=BCKfxHenzQEQ7kNvwHpjz-a&_nc_oc=AdoiJDCcq3SC5r-dkeo1UNl_0c0RoX-EWMt6f8JI5cz6rOHSKXsk15fMfrnCTa1HATHDOB-rjxi3Gr_pe37IDTQz&_nc_zt=14&_nc_ht=scontent-den2-1.xx&_nc_gid=-PoYDYt6pzmdTG7Ht9kHUQ&_nc_ss=7a2a8&oh=00_AQGHhwoY2EYIuvlsp1AQMqe61ikb03mdLGgWv448ROyHCg&oe=6A7AA232

yeah the Onion is going through another Golden Age (of turning your piss into gold and vice versa)

i want to say the onion has quietly become a great work of american comedy art a la charlie chaplin or peanuts. it's widely known, has a high batting average and a long run, and everyone likes it. except humorless magas i guess?

feels like reality now mirrors Onion headlines from 25 years ago so they've had to up their game to keep up and they've really risen to the occasion

i subscribe to a Substack that takes a weekly look at an issue from 20 years ago and kind of analyzes it. While liberal for the time, there are a lot of jokes about how Africa is a hellhole and muslims are always mad about something that they wouldn’t do today for obvious reasons.

A lot of that can be slotted under the era-prevalent category of post-modern hipster racism, along with, I dunno, Steve Albini and shows like Arrested Development and 30 Rock. A sort of smug confidence that you're so not racist etc. that you can get away with making jokes that ironically flirt with racism. What I really like about the current version is how well they've been able to recalibrate edgy humor for the much more considerate/conscientious modern era.

old favorite headline: Local Company Introduces New Take Your Daughter’s Friend To Work Day

Ok, that one got me snort-laughing

the picture is awesome

https://theonion.com/local-company-introduces-new-take-your-daughter-s-frien-1819576107/

holy moly, if I ever need to borrow a cup of forehead I'm knocking on that guy's door

there was a period several years ago when i felt like the onion was less funny, but it's been feeling more classic lately

Probably because they were in various stages of private equity hell for a while, but the Ben Collins era has cleared the corporate cobwebs.

also the Jim Haggerty Show is wonderful

the Bin Laden guy just casually talking about murdering innocent people was amazing, love how they keep finding these people who look and sound like real rightwing podcasters

kinda bummed they sent Tim to hell but I was starting to get worried for his vocal chords, there was one recent Office Hours where he sounded a little raspy and I wondered if it's because he's doing that voice so much now. would be amazing if they actually let Phil Braun host the show now.

funny, i've been assuming he'll be back next week, either with a report from hell or maybe live via satellite from hell or something? only thing i was bummed about was they kinda did the same thing on On Cinema a couple years ago, Tim was administered a lethal injection and died on-air. i forget how they did it but he came back and things were back to normal pretty quick, lol

tim is very resilient

also Phil is very deadpan funny

“it’s called dumping”

the On Cinema lethal injection was supposed to be fake, its just the grain water had weakened his system to the point where even the placebo put him into a coma. you can see the doctor panicking about it at the end of the episode.

I assume this is it for Tim because there was a moment where he's saying something like "tune in next week, we got some exciting new people for you", also on Office Hours I think he mentions that his Infowars stint is only going to last a few months, that said they do seem to be doing this all by the seat of their pants so who knows. I mean they turned Jim Haggerty into a pig and look at him now!

Yeah I didn't assume Heidecker would have a long run, he has other things to do and also it's kind of a (very good) one-note joke so you don't want to overplay it.

Yeah he said when this started back that playing Alex Jones would only be funny for about two months.

I wonder if his run will end with him exploding?

reputationally, psychologically, or actually?

i’m just relieved Horace is okay

is it just me or did Douggpound do the voiceover for one of the fake ads this week