what is not to love?

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Quantify the difference between liking someone as a friend and wanting to shag them. If at all possible.

― Aaron A., Monday, 1 September 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.ananova.com/images/web/37473.jpg

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 1 September 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Uh, physical attraction?

Oh and bouze.

― Texas, Biyatch! (thatgirl), Monday, 1 September 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You just made my day mark!

― oops (Oops), Monday, 1 September 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

and records (x-post)

― Aaron A., Monday, 1 September 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Chemistry and complication.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 1 September 2003 22:44 (twenty-two years ago)

everybody OTM

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 1 September 2003 22:46 (twenty-two years ago)

a boner?

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 1 September 2003 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

my friend getting a boner does not make me want to shag him

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 1 September 2003 22:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Pete Baran to thread!

(not for the reason you might think)

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 1 September 2003 22:53 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.helenmirren.com/images/costars/malcolmmcdowell.jpg

"...smile when you're making it..."

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 1 September 2003 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Looking at the subject header -- are you asking about love or wanting-to-shag-ness?

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

http://users.aol.com/macparrot/verbal.jpg

"I'm not a rat."

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Stop trying to make me be Kevin Spacey!

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't need to try.

what is not to love???

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Think about someone you like, have fun with, find interesting, and do not find particularly unattractive, physically; and yet do not want to shag. What is present that impedes desire -- or what is absent?

Something like that. I'm in a dry spell and for the first time in my life (approaching dirty 30) finding myself wanting to jump in bed with just about every girl I meet. I'm confused.

Also, why is there no category for 'twee bullshit'?

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to be Kevin Spacey as Christopher Walken as Han Solo, though.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Think about someone you like, have fun with, find interesting, and do not find particularly unattractive, physically; and yet do not want to shag. What is present that impedes desire -- or what is absent?

Okay, so we're not talking about long-term relationship potential here, which is a whole nother can of worms (cause I had all of the above, plus the wanting-to-shag, going with my most recent ex, and we broke it off after four years even though none of that changed).

Chemistry. The missing ingredient is chemistry. It's more than attraction -- Kenan didn't believe me when I said I thought Audrey Hepburn was gorgeous but not in an especially sexual way, but there you go. She was gorgeous. But I don't think I've ever looked at a photo of her and thought, "I want to have sex with someone who looks just like that."

That's maybe purely physical chemistry, or maybe it's wrapped up with my associations with her through her movies, which presumably paint a mental image of her which maps to a woman I'd have no emotional/whatever chemistry with. I don't know. Maybe it's both. Maybe it's something else.

I've been very attracted to women I wouldn't have thought would be ideally "my type," had I seen just a photo of them, but something clicked, something worked. I don't know what; I don't know that it's the same for each, or if it's something held in common with the women who were both "my type" and someone I wanted to sleep with.

This is not terribly helpful.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:24 (twenty-two years ago)

approaching dirty 30)

So *that's* what's wrong with me.

― Texas, Biyatch! (thatgirl), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:25 (twenty-two years ago)

"wrong"?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I was paraphrasing the Blur lyric. I'd always heard the male sexual peak was 18, but wouldn't you know it Damon Albarn knew better!

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:38 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, I guess Shaun Ryder beat Damon to the punch, cf. http://www.netcomuk.co.uk/~tewing/17.html

― Aaron A., Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:41 (twenty-two years ago)

booze. drunken di got action aplenty from rather questionable sources. sober di can count the people she wants to have sex with on one hand.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:49 (twenty-two years ago)

five people?!?!

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:50 (twenty-two years ago)

or less.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's a masturbation reference, Jim

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 02:08 (twenty-two years ago)

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 02:09 (twenty-two years ago)

yes, my faithful hand has seen me through a rather quiet year.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 02:17 (twenty-two years ago)

oh yuck that was such a drunken di thing to post.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 02:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Never mind Di, we won't hold it against you... oh wait that came out all wrong.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 04:48 (twenty-two years ago)

di u r cool

― hellbaby (hellbaby), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 06:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Tep's follow-up post makes me think this: people find different physical attributes sexy/attractive, and people find different personality attributes sexy/attractive. For many people there needs to be a combination of both of these for them to want to shag someone. Not an equal amount though--someone's incredible personality can make up for their just average looks (vice versa, obv).
That, or, yeah, alcohol.
Further than this, it seems impossible to generalize.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 08:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I have (for as long as I can remember) always had a very strong physical attraction to a certain type of man - friends used to joke that all my boyfriends were clones of each other - yet if I were to look at dozens of photographs of men with that similar appearance, there would be many I would find attractive but not want to shag. This makes me think that the deciding factor must be something to do with personality rather than just looks.

That might also explain the prevalence of people who develop online crushes on people they have never met or, in some cases, have never even seen a picture of. A cerebral connection with someone is a very powerful thing which can, I think, play as great a role in fancying someone as the purely physical attraction can.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 08:26 (twenty-two years ago)

charisma

― gareth (gareth), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 08:28 (twenty-two years ago)

heh. (xp)

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 2 September 2003 08:29 (twenty-two years ago)

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