When you realise you don't like a friend after all.

Isn't this an unusual situation, usually friendships deteriorate by slow and gradual phonecalls not made, or arrangements cancelled and all of a sudden a month becomes a year and you're still saying yes we must meet up sometime. But obviously if either of you wanted to you would do so.

Often there's no ill-will but other friendships take priority, personally I've cancelled a few nights out with people I've not seen in ages when other friends have had a big night or something, this is also because I am fearful of the new, even when the new is the old, like some stereotypical grandad type. But younger.

I think the thing to do is try and place yourself in a situation where you don't see them and then don't return calls.

Earlier this summer I worked with a guy who kept suggesting nights out or going for a few pints, which I did twice. He was very hard for me to get on with, as he was slightly thick but more annoyingly kept making right wing thicko comments. Not only this but all we could speak about was football and work.

I couldn't make an excuse for every time he suggested a pint though, so I was stuck in a kind of awkward situation. In the end I had to stick it out till I left that job. I've not seen him since.

This is a good question though and should be taken more seriously. What DO you do when you are forced by circumstance, be it due to employment or simply social graces, to spend time with someone. How do you cope with the misunderstanding at work here?

This is surely a fairly common thing.

I've done it before, but I don't think I handled it very well. I could have been gentler about it, but felt very trapped in that particular friendship. I thought I had given a lot of warnings, as well, but my friend nevertheless didn't realize how unhappy I was with the friendship.

I don't have too much trouble telling someone directly that I don't want to be involved with them any more (in whatever form), but I think most people would handle ending a friendship in a gradual way by just being less and less available.

RJG: thanks, that makes everything all so much easier. FAP?

NO ONE TAKES ME SERIOUS )-:

Anyway, I finally told her, gently, that I was going into a period of much needed introspection and that I'd be spending what little external energy and attention that I have on my intimate relationships. This seemed to work, as she's been a lot less 'intrusive' since I said that. But it sucks. Royally.