I wish I was forty seven

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Even though I am young, lithe, windswept and interesting there is somebody who makes me wish I was forty seven. Help somebody, this is a Bad Crush and what makes it even worse is that it is not entirely unrequited, yet hugely inappropriate.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

chide me, scold me, soothe me.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

at 41 i am quite nearly 47 rainy, and am therefore mainly tempted to observe that yoof is wasted on the young

some things if you do not go through them now with [x] you will anyway go through them sometime with [y], when yr body is no longer green-stick and yr friends are no longer indulgent/insensible: ON THE OTHER HAND, walking away is probably a good skill to learn also (tho as All-Time World Champ I am tired of it and me doing it...)

― mark s, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

question the first:

how old are thou?

― jess, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm twenty three.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

question the second:

why, beyond the obvious "vast gulf o' age," is this necessarily bad? (omitting personal details as necessary or not.)

― jess, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

um, well, hes kind of in a position of power, because he's the head of Art School. And the situation is a bit messy, because I may or may not have already sort of... oh cripes...um, seduced him. and hes got designer clothes and the worlds cleanest apartment and um, I dont know what I'm saying.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ok this is walkaway think which i can sadly do w/o thinking (for wildfling think you must quiz others chiz chiz): be serious to yourself and nobody else necessarily abt what you are going to wanting (i mean real and not silly) in a week, and in a month, and in a year and in ten years... and how does this sit with any of that

adventures teach you things abt yourself you never expected to learn, or knew cd be learned: BUT you also have lifeplans here and now, maybe big maybe not, which will be derailed. How much are you going to be mad at yrself if lifeplan [B] is lost to possibility, when adventure grinds into routine (or spins into disaster)?

like i said, i am walkaway guy: and that can be regret-filled too...

― mark s, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

YES, turn and walk. I did do that, how could I do anything else really, but now I feel crush laden and suffery.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

and its true my life plans do not involve him at all. I feel plagued with What-If...? and such...

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

well i worked my way through similar by teaching myself to cook: good because the rhythm of desire->satisfaction = totally diff to that of Big Life Thoughts/Plans/Hopes, and yet actually also y'know healthy and whatnot after all... (admittedly during worst of crush-time i lost two stone which i regret i found again since but that is another matter). gardening also has a good rhythm cycle to break brooding...

― mark s, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but thats my problem in a way, I already know how to cook, and grow vegetables and flowers... and everything I touch pretty much turns to gold... and my life is pretty much the most fabulous I could ask for. And then I have this ridiclous crush and it wrecks everything, and I get all shy and ridiculous, and spanners start falling in the works of my beautiful wonderful life, and hes just fine, swanking along like an expensive cyborg.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hmmm. crush = you feel a lack, real or unreal, despite Apparent Golden Life, and project on Designer Cyborg the means of dealing? And are desolate that he walks on w/o apparent lack, and you're left dealing alone? But if he'd ACTUALLY GENUINELY EVER BEEN GOING TO BE ABLE TO HELP - which of course you always knew he never really was? - he wd have helped. Like by being NOT seduced, for a start, but redirecting things, to be better for you?

Question is, what's the lack? IS it real?

It was cookery for me, but that was just an example: something you need to focus on, that in palpable real-time you can feel "oh good" abt, and mean it. Card tricks. Pottery. Overthrowing the State. Open the dictionary with a pin (actually you DO need an adventure, if only a small one, cuz you walked away from this one...)

― mark s, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

mark s, you are so WISE. Obviously this crush is fulfilling some lack of adventure. Because if the truth be known, I am secretly enjoying the excruciating embarrassment of it all. Oh why cant I just have a nice, normal my-own-age boyfriend. Because I think they're all too boring and stupid probably.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

oh the humanity.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

pah, wise nothing: i am just nearly 47!! if you pay attention as life flies by, you pick up tips (sometimes)

rainy it is 2 in the morning and i will be even more rubbish than usual at work tomorrow if i stay on-line any longer

― mark s, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, I can spot for you, Mark. Though I fear my advice will not be as good. :-)

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but mark s, THANK YOU! (DBV). youre obviously some sort of angel of wisdom.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, hello Ned! yes please, gimme what you got, I am in a bad way still.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hey!

(jess in reveal his true age shocker!) ;)

― jess, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

are you forty seven too?

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Oh why cant I just have a nice, normal my-own-age boyfriend. Because I think they're all too boring and stupid probably."

47?...um....no... ;)

― jess, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i suppose i just objected to being bracketed in the "stupid" demographic. :)

in any event, my advice would basically be the same as mark's. i feel too tired to offer any concrete advice tonite, but i wanted to say something since you were nice enough to provide the impetus for me to work through some of my own problems the other night.

― jess, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

awwwwww, jess.

― rainy, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

because I may or may not have already sort of... oh cripes...um, seduced him. and hes got designer clothes and the worlds cleanest apartment and um, I dont know what I'm saying.

umm, the age diff doesn't worry me, the fact he might be gay copuld be an issue.

― Geoff, Thursday, 27 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

hmmm, well that sheds new light on the amusing fact that I was dressed as a French boy when the seduction occurred.

― rainy, Thursday, 27 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wish I was still 29! The years pluck my beard

― Pennysong Hanle y, Friday, 28 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ha, I love getting the last word

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

boogada, boogada, boogada.

― jess, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Thats enough of that, time to concentrate on that fancy swish cool slick new address of mine. I'd give it its own thread but its too big for that even.

― Ronan, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

so, ronan the destroyer, whyfor are you numero 6? can there be 5 other r. fitzgeralds (at yer school that is)? do they have diseases too?

― jess, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm 26

― Mike Hanle y, Saturday, 29 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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