Maiden Names and Married Names

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I was booking our honeymoon flights today and for the passenger name I put Isabel in as Isabel Ewing for the first time. It didn't feel right somehow. She wants to take my name and it's obviously her decision - I don't know how much of my iffiness about it is because taking names is a symbol of the subsumption of female identity in marriage and how much of it is because I don't like my own surname very much.

What are anyone elses thoughts on the concept? (not my own specific situation, that was just the intro! And she's not going to change her mind now I'm guessing - she loves the name)

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I tend to incline to the first reason Tom noted myself as why I'm a bit leery of it all now. But then again, I've known plenty of women who are clearly intelligent and individual folks that have switched to a married name and are quite content with that decision, ranging from coworkers to local friends to ILXors and back. I figure it's none of my business (and as it is, I wonder if should I ever marry I would just go ahead and take her name instead, but then again I'm quite fond of Raggett as name!).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 13:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I cannot wait to take James' name. I am absolutely stoked that we are going to have the same name.

Just a thought, where are your flights going to, as there may be a problem with the passports if the name doesn't match the flight ticket.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes we thought of that PP so we didn't book using it in the end! I just put it in initially though and it felt odd.

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

it does feel odd because it's the woman who loses her family name, never the dude. but having 2 different names doesn't seem right either. and hyphenated names can be cool sounding or kind of snooty, but they only work for one generation

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I have an extremely uncommon last name which I love, and I also love my b/f's (only slightly less uncommon) last name. We're not planning on kids. At this point technically we're not really planning on marriage, but that's way more likely than kids. Anyway. Um. Yeah, I feel like I'd lose a bit of me if I used his name, but I would gain him and his marvelous family. But really I already have that.

It's typical, especially since I have a weird last name, to take a more catchy name when you're a radio DJ but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt like lying. I guess I'll know what to do when the time comes.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish it was the dude more often Fritz. I would like to be called Tom Smith - it's a stout-hearted no-nonsense kind of name. I suggested this but she's having none of it.

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Jack White to thread.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

That's good to hear Tom, I knew someone that had a bit of trouble with that in the past, but then I should've figured that you've have already thought of it! :-)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

In Japan the man can take the name of his (future) wife. Which I think is a GREAT idea. This is mainly done if the wife is the only child (and as a result the family would *die*).

― nathalie (nathalie), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Smith-Ewing is the only viable alternative.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

you could make up an entirely new last name, someone I know did this! They chose Grace but you could be like Bluebeard or Fluffybunny or something.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

One of my criteria for men is whether or not I like their last name, because I'm not fond of mine. This is why I had to end my relationship with Ramon, clearly, being as "Ally Elinevsky" is possibly the stupidest sounding name in the entire history of mankind. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I will have to change my name back to Alison upon marriage because really MOST names sound idiotic with "Ally", at least if you ask me.

No offense to Ally C; his last name actually works with the name (mine doesn't at all, besides being a rub last name in general it also ends with a 'y', too many 'y' sounds are terrible).

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

It would depend on the name. A friend finds it hilarious to point out that if i married Mike Leigh my name would be Leigh Leigh, oh how i laughed.

― leigh (leigh), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

There are just some people who really hate their last names, so why not change them?

― Larcole (Nicole), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I have the same surname as a famous actress & people always ask if we're related, how I chuckle each & every f@#king single time people say it!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

my name means 'onion,'
and my wife's name means 'the first'--
tell me what you'd choose

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

an amalgamation of the two, 'the first onion'

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I took my husband's name for some things when I got married (okay, it was sort of fun!), but not for others (read: I was too lazy to go down and get any of my id changed over).

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm plannning to change my last name; in fact, I only use my 'real' one at work, at the bank, and on my official documents. A lot of my friends only know the unofficial one.

(and I'm not even getting married)

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I just realized that my boyfriend is the first person I've dated in ages whose name didn't end with a "y"!!!! A winner is now me, I'm dead chuffed with this fact.

Haha actually I went on a couple dates right prior to Tom with a man whose last name, I found out later, was actually "Wonka". WTF!!! I think if my name ever actually became "Ally Wonka" I'd shoot myself in the face. Thank god there is no worry of that happening now.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

The trauma of growing up with the name Wonka is too awful to contemplate.

― Tom (Groke), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I could have had:

Knowles
Davis
Brookman
Hill
Long
Sullivan
Ritchey
Blackburn
McColm
Bradley or
Jamie.

Aimee Jamie? I'd have to jump off a bridge.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, what a great name!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG Aimee
engaged to Beyonce? Wow.
the mind boggles ;) < /ned>

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

names all suck. we should go back to the metric system.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

My last name rules, but I'm keeping it for myself.

― martin m. (mushrush), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

the mind boggles ;) < /ned>

Oi! Does that fit the format? Or are smileys silent syllables?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

the moon passing
white-yellow through august sky:
silence of a smile

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

god, I love you.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Normally this post would complain about someone stealing my joke, but Haikunym did so with such class and verve that I can only sit back and applaud.

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't even remember what I was going to post now when I clicked on the thread; fuck it, I'm changing my last name to Haikunym.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally Wonka. Ha. You could have been Ally Gloop. My wife took my name for all non-professional purposes. At work she hyphenates. I could care less.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

my wife keeps saying she's gonna change her name, but there's just so much involved (standing in lines at the DMV).

but her problem is that she's Filipino, and i'm white, and if she were to change her name to mine, she's gonna sound soooo white. so she's making her current last name into her middle name, no hyphenation

― JasonD (JasonD), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

actually we were joking that we'd both change our middle names to her current last name. my middle name represents something associated to my dad that i'm not too cool with,,,, but i'm too lazy to go wait in lines at the DMV

― JasonD (JasonD), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I changed my last name when I was a teenager, so it's all the same to me if anyone changes theirs to go with. Well, not just anyone, I guess. If Ned were to change his name to match mine, I'd be a bit weirded out.

Since my last name starts with K, though, I want to make sure there's no /S/ right before it, whether in a hyphenated last name (hmm, the girlfriend's last name is Morse, this could be bad) or in a first name. Cause then my part of it sounds like "Skiteppi," which is probably an Italian swear of some kind.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I lied, my wife does what Jason's wife does. Uses her maiden name as her middle name. Ooops.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

my wife does that when
she has to be 'official'
like on forms and stuff

plus she was deprived,
never got a middle name
poor lonely girlchild

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

ppl will inevitably refer to a married couple as "the [insert man's surname here]s", regardless of whether the woman has decided to take her husband's surname or not.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

...and if the woman decides not to take her husband's surname then you get exchanges like

"Here come the [insert man's surname here]s"

"We're not"

"Oh sorry I thought you were married"

"We are, but..."

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha not in my family. Everyone insults my uncle by referring to them as the (Insert Wife's Surname Here)s.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I have had a million exchanges like the one Mark describes - I don't really mind most of the time and then once in a while it drives me spitting mad.

― Dr. C (Dr. C), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually I found a great example of a feller taking his wife's name just now from the MST3kinfo.com site -- it's a brief report on the marriage of costumer Beth "Beez" McKeever, and it sez:

BEEZ IS A BRIDE
We're delighted to announce that Beth "Beez" McKeever, former costume designer and "prop diva" for MST3K, was married June 30, 2003, in a suitably funk-ay ceremony in Minneapolis.

"I'm super thrilled," says the glowing bride.

The groom is a Welsh artist formerly known as Rubin Eynon. The couple met on the bulletin board system of a music web site. In typically unorthodox fashion, Rubin has decided to take Beez's name, so she remains Beez McKeever and the groom is now Rubin McKeever.

Aw. :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

A girlfriend of mine in highschool (Gr3nf311) got married several years ago to this guy (L1pp3), and they hyphenated the last names - both of them use it, but his is first, then hers. It looks weird to me.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

wifey and me were actually joking about joining our last names

me - darr0w
her - guzman
us - Guzrow

― JasonD (JasonD), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

She IS my hero: keeping one's identity is an important detail.

Never really thought about it before, but I wouldn't mind hypenating my name with his (this imaginary groom o' mine)...as long as I could spell it on a sheet of paper. (If he couldn't handle the name sharing, then there are other issues we'd better discuss!)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't even want a surname. I want to be a one-name. Who can I marry to make this happen?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

well I have no middle name, so you could take that.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Sming or Ewith?

― David. (Cozen), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

If you make it nickalicious, I'll marry you, Nick.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 September 2003 19:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 50 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I will take my husbands name, no question. It is what I want to do o that we make our own little family together. I don't lose my identity at all, I am still the same person, I just have a different name.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I am in favour of thinking about decisions that affect your life, and against not thinking about them.

Ronan said "lots of people [...] just get married according to tradition", which I read as "get married traditionally because of the tradition". If I'm reading it wrong, I'm sorry.

Also, Ally, check your email.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

ALLY! NO! IT's A BOMB!

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

There's this thing called viruses. No shit. COMPUTER viruses. And you can get them in your EMAIL cause they like go over the information superhighway! And hackers do it!

My boss asked me this morning what IM is. He was really annoyed because some agent said she'd IM somebody and he had no clue what she was talking about. He was like, "I don't know about computer stuff."

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You should've told him it meant Internet Marriage and that he's married to her now.

(See how I brought it back on topic there?)

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, I definitely should have made something up. Silly me telling the truth. You know, to make him look worse.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I checked my email and now my computer has been destroyed :(

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

BAD ANDREW! NO PIE FOR YOU!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

you are dumb and dud

In order to avoid getting punched out by Ally next time I see her, I'll clarify that I've only meant to describe actions rather than people as dumb/dud.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

If I ever marry Andrew, I'm going to insist we don't take each others' names and instead have our name legally changed to "McCarthy".

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Andy and Ally Abalone!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, I always knew you had the power to telekeneticly post to ILX!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I am one with the msg board! Fear my wrath.

― Omnipotent Baby (mlescaut), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally Eldritch does sort of trip off the tongue.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

We can do something totally untraditional and change our FIRST names instead.

I recommend you change yours to "Captain".

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ronan Kearney": close enough, just close enough.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not quite sure what that means but if I was Ronan I'd be backing away from the computer quite slowly right now.

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

When I get married I'm changing my name to Captain Crunch.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.poplyrics.net/waiguo/boyzone/ronan.jpg

Nothing to do with our own pop sensation.

(like it's my fault that there are no famous Kearneys)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.pitt.edu/~mrmst55/header.jpg

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

A few years back, my dad and his brothers were talking about changing their last names to Johannsen (or something like that) to bring back our Norwegian heritage. Ha ha. I should totally go off and do that by myself. That would be so weird. And I would totally show them up! I care SO much more about our ancestors than you guys...

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 18:40 (twenty-two years ago)

(like it's my fault that there are no famous Kearneys)

But Andrew, you're forgetting the B-list Kearneys, as well as those that aren't looking for their 15 seconds

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 10 September 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't pronounce my own surname, but it's cool and it impresses chicks, yo.

P.s. Nick and Sarah, surely you'll both change your surnames on marriage to McLusky?

― Mark C (Mark C), Thursday, 11 September 2003 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes after ILXing for hours I forget that's not my real last name...

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 11 September 2003 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

when i marry we both change our names to the nearest pronounceable anagram of the letters that aren't already in our complete names pre-marriage

― mark zwxg (mark s), Thursday, 11 September 2003 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

People don't use their real names? Jeez I wish someone would've told me!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 11 September 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

you know when you forget you posted on a thread? yes. It's great. obviously anyone who marries me will want their kids to be lumbered with the "fitzy" nickname curse.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 11 September 2003 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm surprised the man-taking-a-woman's name is so unusual: two of my close friends have done just that (one because his wife wanted her surname to continue and the other because they felt his surname was a liability for him and would be even more so for her).

It doesn't feel like a very controversial decision to me.

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 11 September 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the man and woman should just trade last names.

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 11 September 2003 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I think all people should change their last name to "Sucka" when they get married.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 11 September 2003 12:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know if I can support that.

― Dan Sucka (Dan Perry), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I think if Nick and I get married, I should become Sarah Nickwife and he should be Nick Sarahusband.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I think that sounds like a great compromise!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I just want an entirely new and different last name now. Not even because of marriage, just because I do.

While I'm at it, I may as well change the first one, too.

Forevermore, I shall be... hmm.

Veronika Cabredo.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 September 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate "Mrs.". Does anyone else hate "Mrs."?

― quincie, Thursday, 11 September 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

think if Nick and I get married, I should become Sarah Nickwife and he should be Nick Sarahusband

Imagine the monogrammed towels!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 11 September 2003 22:35 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

-- teeny (teen...), September 9th, 2003 9:59 AM. (teeny) (link)

ok well I think I'm going to change my name!!

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:43 (twenty-one years ago)

My wife kept her name and she STILL gets hassled by it. Some people can be right pricks.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:48 (twenty-one years ago)

'About it,' not 'by it.'

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like to hear about a couple who both abandoned their previous surnames and picked a new one that they both liked. Rather than hyphenating they could take parts of both. like Krusty and Bette Midler's horse Krudler (it was years before I realized that the joke was that they could have named it Misty).

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

What's surprising to me now that I actually find myself in the situation is how much the answer is being determined (for me) by pure practicality. My guy was in favor of me keeping my maiden name because I was kinda famous with it and it would be useful to keep it. But I moved away from the city where I was a DJ and so that isn't as useful/annoying as it once was. Having a (his) Syrian last name may be more useful. Although I wonder if I'd get stopped in the airport every time like he does now (he doesn't really look middle eastern). Erm, anyway, the whole idea of looking at it in a matter of practicality seems a little calculating and opportunistic, but I'm fairly indifferent on the issue.

And then it also remains to be seen whether I'm too lazy to do the paperwork.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:52 (twenty-one years ago)

the couple who run tonevendor/clairecords did just that

(xpost)

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, I mentioned one of those sorts of couples, anthony--they changed their name to Grace, everything seemed to work out.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah I admit I was too lazy to look through the thread and see if that was brought up.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:54 (twenty-one years ago)

In Australia you don't need to do any paperwork, you just start calling yourself a different name. Any paperwork is the actual marriage contract anyway.

I know two people who hyphenated BOTH their surnames. Let's say her name is Cindy Smith and his is Barry Jones; she's now Cindy Smith-Jones and he's Barry Smith-Jones. I like that.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 12 September 2004 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

ten years pass...

Oh man, one of my oldest friends got married over the weekend and I just found out today she's taking her husband's last name. I honestly forgot people still do this, BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE 1950s!

― Johnny Fever, Monday, 23 February 2015 22:39 (ten years ago)

how do people deal with the last name of their children, especially when they start school? just take one parent's last name? take a hyphenated combo? make up a new one?

― Karl Malone, Monday, 23 February 2015 22:43 (ten years ago)

xp: at least you get to judge someone else's relationship, that has to count for something

― DJP, Monday, 23 February 2015 22:43 (ten years ago)

tbf I've been judging this relationship for longer than just today.

― Johnny Fever, Monday, 23 February 2015 22:45 (ten years ago)

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Maiden Names and Married Names - Classic Or Dud?