It has often occurred to me that I don't really remember anything in the past

I don't know if this is typical and it just seems to me otherwise, or if this really is weird, but I seem to never (to my knowledge) have had a good hold on remembrances of things past. At all, whether they happened earlier in the day or when I was two years old. I seem to have this amazing talent I honed (or carved) into my brain to memorize an insane amount of data rather quickly with little to no effort, but the past few years, I've begun to be rather critical of this. I think I somehow believe that my talent with more or less random memory of things - abstract facts - has essentially come at the cost of having much in the way of substantial personal experiential memories. Someone who knows about these things will probably tell me that that can't really happen, that the mind doesn't strictly work like that. Nonetheless, it really makes me bitter about my earlier self (as little as I can remember).

I just feel very betrayed by my mind. I recently graduated from college, and I honestly can't remember much of those four years at all. (As inviting as that is for an alcohol/drug joke.) And I really indulged in very little in the way of drinking and absolutely nothing illicit. I really can tell you almost nothing about high school. The inevitable side-effect of all this is that my own impotence to evoke the direct memories tinges my mind with resentment, which then seeps into what precious bits I have retained. Ultimately, it turns any exercise in memory into a purely emotional state, in which actual occurrances barely even play a role compared to the emotions (and makes me question whether the emotions are being evoked or provoked).

Now, bedtime.