Like a festering abscess

In that I never went through anything as traumatic as you did, Anthony, I guess I was fortunate in not having any huge nastiness to work through, though there are individual moments in my life that I've had a tendency to obsess over. Generally, though, I try not to let them dominate or change me for the worst, and if anything a little bit of obsession at one point turns into being able to shrug lots of things off later.

I have sworn to destroy my old school, and will do my best to acheive this until I succeed or die.

I have sworn to destroy my old school, and will do my best to acheive this until I succeed or die. - That goes double for me DG, (I'm sure you'd help me out with Caterham..?)

school as well - hideously painful, as was childhood for many reasons - part of my interest in going abck is trying to help change the environment that allows this.

As i said in the previous post it took me several years to undo the harm a single sex boarding school did to me coupled with the sevn year long divorce of my parents. However these along with other things in my life have made me who I am. If I changed anything i'd be a different person. I love who I am at the moment and where I am in life, so it can't have been all bad although looking back on it it feels like a painful and unhappy period of my life.

At the end of the day I consider myself lucky to be who I am and what I am, what's past is past and can no longer cause me pain. Still recon I could do with some therapy though.

In recent years, I've been thinking about nasty shit that people did to me in college. I didn't realize at the time how nasty they were being, because I was really naive and thought they knew better than I. I don't hate the people that said such ignorant things to me, but sometimes when I think about it, it just infuriates me. It wouldn't upset me if I didn't care about them and miss them sometimes. But I don't know if they have changed or if they have not changed since then. It's hard reading about them in the media while knowing what a total ignoramus they were back in the day.

Pffff! I wouldn't tarnish my good name by having anything to do with Catrerham, also I might catch diseases and shit. Ilford County High will be destroyed though.

I can forgive, but I don't actually ever forget. Anyway, there has never been a case of nastiness toward me which has not been met with some weird kind of karmic payback for the person in question. Bonus: my hands stay clean.

Forgiveness exception: a case of Abuse Of The Elderly which happened in my family, perpetrated by the sow who married my dad. The same woman who would drag us to Lutheran dipshit church every weekend we visited, so since she believes in Hell she's definitely going to pitch up there for what she did.

Painful experience? Unable to let go of? Hello me.

I've far exceeded the 'correct' or acceptable amount of time to get over things, and I have made a lot of people hate me, and yes, I feel like a fetid carcass on the side of the road that people crinkle their nose up at and go out of their way just to avoid. There is no good to consider, just wreckage to peruse.

Trying to be evil in return is useless. You end up feeling worse about yourself, and most of the time you only do it because you still care, the wound is still raw.

I have always been invisible so how can anyone be mean to me?