nasty questions they ask you in interviews

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can we list them and come up with some good answers?

in my last interview i was asked to describe a good point about myself. I said "I'm a perfectionist". Then they asked me for a bad point. I said "I'm a perfectionist".

I got the job.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

"Who the fuck are you?"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"Why are you in my office?"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

"will you please pull up your pants?"

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

"Security?"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

"Whasssuppp?"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

"Do you like Moby?"

― Coat Hanger (c_hanger), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

"Really? Don't you think he's a cunt?"

― Coat Hanger (c_hanger), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

"Do you think Outsider Music can be Funny?"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

enough!

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

you "asked" for it!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:15 (twenty-two years ago)

"why do you want this job?", when the answer is "i don't want this job, WINZ are threatening to cut off my dole if i don't do this interview."

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:21 (twenty-two years ago)

true - but what's the not true answer?

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 15 September 2003 23:31 (twenty-two years ago)

One I really stumbled over was "so why haven't you been working for the last 2 years?". I mean I hadn't strictly speaking - but I'd been at TAFE, and I'd been working for myself freelance. I stammered through all that to cover my arse and somehow got the job anyway.

Even though they then let me go 3 months later. No big deal, the company went under not long after that anyway!

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Whats your salary expectation?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 00:43 (twenty-two years ago)

To which you should of course pop a finger to your mouth and answer "one million.. .no wait... one BILLION dollars!"

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 00:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"who are your heroes?"

― isadora (isadora), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 01:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"describe a situation in which you...."

my mind ALWAYS goes blankety blank

― the surface noise (electricsound), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 01:03 (twenty-two years ago)

'Describe your music for someone who hasn't heard it'.

Translation:

I have never heard any of your music, and probably wouldn't like it if I had, but I want to do this interview anyway as I really need the $40 cash they will pay me when I've scribbled down something that makes you look as dull-witted as I am.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 01:30 (twenty-two years ago)

That's not a nasty question though is it. And it's not a job interview question. So... OK, this is one I can't stand:

'Where do you see yourself, career-wise, in five years?'

The obvious answer is,

'Not in this shitkicking McJob, where climbing the ladder is like sticking your head deeper and deeper into a toilet'.

The one I give is,

'I would like to take the opportunity afforded by this position to expand my skills and knowledge, and use the experience I've gained to take on tasks of increasing responsibili...(falls asleep)

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 01:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"What do you think we should do to improve our service/product/whatever?" This has gotten me in trouble...don't want to say "nothing" because it sounds like you're not paying attention, don't want to say something because the chief person goes "oh that's what i'm in charge of!"

― Maria (Maria), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 02:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Maria, how about you go words to the following effect - 'keep doing that thing you do, we really like it: and actually if you could build on that thing you do, do it even more...' - of course, that thing is the one thing they are not doing, but should be, hehehe.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 02:43 (twenty-two years ago)

What is your definition of good customer service?
what have you done when a customer becomes pointy headed?

(obv answer, call dan akroyd.. worse answer changed their vegetarian mild pita into a chicken pita, extra hot)

― Nellie (nellskies), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 04:04 (twenty-two years ago)

this gal was talking about my friend in his interview for rhino records and she asked him about his favorite music and he just whined something like 'i don't want to talk about music, i just need a job'. haha. well, he got it.

― lolita corpus (lolitacorpus), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 04:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate the one 'So why do you think we should employ you?'

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 07:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I was asked

"How do you deal with people who make idiocy an artfrom?"

I really stumbled on this one. I think my inability to answer what was one of the interviewer's key questions may have cost me the job. A friend of mine was disappointed I didn't get the job coz it was in the offices of a paper mill and she would like to have had the chance to ask "Trouble at mill?" (tho I'm sure this would've grated after a while).

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 09:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Grated? Pepper mill? Hahahahahaa!

(surely "t' mill"?)

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"Do you have any questions you'd like to ask us?"

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha - I am interviewing candidates for a job at my workplace today. One of them told us the worst question she'd ever been asked was "What do you consider your biggest failure?".

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

"Where do you want to go today?"

― ken c, Tuesday, 16 September 2003 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"Daddy or Chips?"

― ken c, Tuesday, 16 September 2003 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I got asked "where do you see yourself in ten years?" and replied "in a country cottage with a dog and a goat and a cellar full of red wine and a computer writing books every so often and growing my own vegetables."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

"Daddy or Chips?"
This is hilarious!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 13:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think I would've wanted to work for a company called SAPPY anyway (well, almost - S**th *fr*c*n P*p*r & P*lp*ng *nd*str**s)

it wasn't in S**th *fr*c*, btw.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Have they been clearcutting the letters in their name for pulp?

― Chris P (Chris P), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I just did an interview with Kelly Services in Toronto, and was forced to watch a 20-minute corporate video about the history of Kelly Services. It was like being in Being John Malkovich. There were b&w shots of Mr Kelly in the 1940s, accompanied by speakeasy jaz z music played on synthesizers. And then a butch actor playing a blue-collar construction guy came on screen to tell me how to fill in a timesheet.

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Why did you leave your last job"

Truth: They figured out that I had all the managers' codes and was skimming $50-100 a night, but couldn't prove anything legally, so I just didn't show back up rather than have a meeting with the GM.

Answer: "Because I was working 50 hours a week and flunking out of school, so I took a semester and just concentrated on school."

And the last two interviews I went on, they asked me who my favorite band was, for no apparent reason. I decided that Radiohead is the perfect safe answer there. Inoffensive, someone the middle-aged white guy has heard of, respectable.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"why were you terminated from that position?"

well, they were halfwits who didn't train me for shit, and then wondered why i couldn't get things done as fast as they wanted me to.

oh yeah, and they also put the loudest guy in the company(me) in a small office with the psychotically quietest guy(my mentor/supervisor/whatever). He thought i complained too much, and didn't like it when i pointed out the holes in the company's shit-ass internet usage policy.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 16 September 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I decided that Radiohead is the perfect safe answer there. Inoffensive, someone the middle-aged white guy has heard of, respectable.

But Radiohead are slackers who'd rather gas themselves than having to go to work!!!

No Surprises

― ken c, Tuesday, 16 September 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...

An interview can't really be worse than this:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4774429.stm

― Teh HoBBercraft (the pirate king), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

hurrah! He's now got THREE threads on ILE! Fame!

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

oh my god. that is horrifying.

― i've dreamt of rubies! (Mandee), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

once i had an hour long phone interview which ended with "ok, tell us a joke".

― scnnr drkly (scnnr drkly), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

So harsh!

I think I could field most of these but "tell me a joke" would sink me.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:37 (nineteen years ago)

I think the interrupting cow knock-knock is the only joke I know.

― sgs (sgs), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:46 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, I got that "tell me a joke" one once. The guy was a total David Brentian laddish nightmare, so I cracked some joke about football and he thought that was good, a girl who knew about football. I got the job. The tales of woe that ensued are well-documented elsewhere.

I was interviewed for what was effectively my own job, but with another company, last week. I was asked why I thought I could do the job. I think I might actually have said "because I'm doing it at the moment".

I didn't get it. Fuck not being good at ass-licking in interviews, I'm good at my job.

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

All the jokes I know involve anal sex, peadophiles, or necrophiliacs.

― chap who would dare to be a nerd, not a geek (chap), Monday, 15 May 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

a guy walked into a job interview, and they asked him to tell them a joke

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 15 May 2006 21:20 (nineteen years ago)

so he said to them "a guy walked into a job interview, and they asked him to tell them a joke

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 15 May 2006 21:20 (nineteen years ago)

He told one about a peadophile having anal sex with a necrophiliac. He didn't get the job.

― chap who would dare to be a nerd, not a geek (chap), Monday, 15 May 2006 21:21 (nineteen years ago)

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