i have never...

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i have never eaten ants

― the Director (cherry), Monday, 22 September 2003 04:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Well good for you then. I've never eaten ants either. Nor grasshoppers or scorpions or ant eggs or worms or any little tiny critters. You keep that behavior up and we'll just have to award you with a membership to the Average Post-Industrial Human Race.

― Legendary Nothingness (Dee the Lurker), Monday, 22 September 2003 04:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never eaten aunts

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 04:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I have.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 22 September 2003 04:34 (twenty-two years ago)

your own or someone else's?

― the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 22 September 2003 04:35 (twenty-two years ago)

note the plural, does your statement still hold?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 04:38 (twenty-two years ago)

No Homers club!

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never swallowed.

― Lady Grinning Soul, Monday, 22 September 2003 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Does eating an uncle count? *grins*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

what?!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Someone else's uncle!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

i am confused but this sounds pretty well best kept off the interweb

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never eaten weetabix

― chris (chris), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never sliced my own head off with a rusted axe.

― Alex K (Alex K), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:42 (twenty-two years ago)

...understood the word "kielbasa" (and yes, I would like it explained)

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I've never eaten weetabix

signed Mr K. Hauser

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never ruthlessly slashed to death a friend in an apparently motiveless attack that left the police baffled and stored their body parts in small plastic bags in my refrigerator.

― Alex K (Alex K), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I was being funny! :-( (And i was talking about J!) :-(

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, 22 September 2003 10:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Mark - Kielbasa is a type of Polish sausage, I believe.

I have never driven through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in my hair.

― C J (C J), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I've eaten ants and grasshoppers both, covered with chocolate. There's this one big spider on my front porch that's looking mighty tasty right now.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never been stung by a bee or wasp and I have never had sex with more than one person at once.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never had a cup of coffee in the last ten years.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Monday, 22 September 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never told my annoying co-worker to go fuck herself, though I think it at least 12 times a day.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never broken a bone. I have never been off of the North American continent. I have never shot a gun at anything that was alive. I have never drank a martini. I have never "got it".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

seen The Godfather
read a great/classic novel
taken Ecstasy
hugged my brother
copped off with someone the same night i met them for the first time
been out of Europe
walked out of a movie
once seriously considered getting a piercing
been knocked out

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

i should do all those things this weekend!

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never changed by name to Jeremiah Zoog Colquastator, forged a bizarre set of ideological principals based upon the teachings of an imaginary deity I myself dreamt up named The Illustrian, then proclaimed myself the Illustrian's mouthpiece on earth, converted thousands of willing but nevertheless slightly gullible cohorts to my complex belief structure that involved never saying the word 'Cheese', spreading the word that W.R. Sickert was the real Ripper (Patricia Cornwell being one of my high profile converts) and advocated the systematic destruction of all green objects, all the while undercover of these ‘decoy’ doctrines, with my loyal inner circle of High Priests plotted The Illustrian’s supposed masterplan (a whim I dreamt up while bored one afternoon), a brilliant feat of daring and vision, involving the capture of the Pontiff, who would then be hypnotised to obey my every command and then, via a daring raid on NASA headquarters a la You Only Live Twice, fired in a Challenger shuttle to the Moon complete with enough supplies to set up another civilisation where he would then compel all Catholics to join him by relaying a series of papal bulls to earth, the resultant race to reach the Moon and the global pandemonium that would surely follow destabilising existing political and religious superstructures enough for me to unveil the existence of The Illustrian to a world desperate for some stability and in so doing, harness their need to place their faith in something

― Alex K (Alex K), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:40 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, and thus been crowned King of the World.

― Alex K (Alex K), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

... played the game 'I have never'

[stands up]

― Ed (dali), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

smoked crack
been to prison
killed anyone

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

...been to Ireland, but this will shortly change.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

i have also never bought a pornographic magazine or learnt to drive

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Monday, 22 September 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Me neither!

Mark - Kielbasa is a type of Polish sausage, I believe.

Here I was, trying to hunt down the exact origin for how the sausage got to be called that, and it turns out that Mark was actually asking where the euphemism came from? Do you not have kielbasa in the UK?

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:02 (twenty-two years ago)

...been to Egypt.
...been to a professional tennis match.
...held an accordion in my arms.
...owned a Michael Jackson album.
...wanted to own a Michael Jackson album.
...had a driver's license.
...won an Oscar.
...tried Heroin.
...watched an episode of "Will & Grace".
...enjoyed the taste of ham nor salmon.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Wot Alex, thou hast never cradled an accordion's soft supple body in your arms like a wee manchild!?!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

...tried heroin nor ecstacy nor meth nor the crack rock.
...laughed at Everyone Loves Raymond.
...jumped out of an airplane (hopefully to be rectified in the near future).
...been able to listen to "Thong Song" from beginning to end without cringing.
...skinny-dipped.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

... bungee jumped. Nor will I ever.
... smoked crack.
... seen any of the Godfather movies.
... danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight.
... killed anyone.
... given in to the desire to streak at the Oscars.
... scored a game winning touchdown.
... beaten up a girl.
... slept with anyone I work with currently.
... been to Africa.
... not been cheered up by "Into the Mystic"

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex, if you ever visit Portland, I'll let you squeeze my squeezebox, if you're so inclined.

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I just love the way he phrased that, not "...played the accordion", but "held an accordion in my arms", like, as though the accordion were a lover or a child rather than a honking loud musical instrument.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

While I can understand distinguishing between lover and child, I'm not sure how you can distinguish either of them from "honking loud musical instrument".

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

posted to this thread
fucked a fanciful pig
smoked crack, done heroin, huffed on spray paint
done a back flip
eaten Indian food
figured some people out
been out of the US
fainted
cheated on a girlfriend
swam
said 'hella'

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

... felt about someone the way I feel about my husband
... seen any of the Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or Alien films
... seen what anyone sees in the Beastie Boys or REM
... been to America
... watched a full episode of Six Feet Under
... felt so scared as I did on September 11 2001
... not had a feeling that my life wasn't as good as it could be

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

eaten Indian food

You are doing yourself a grave disservice by not trying it.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 22 September 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

It's true oops, you should

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

..cheated on a partner
..drank tequila
..learnt to drive
..been in a plane
..been abroad
..won the lottery
..hated my job as much as I do right now.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I know guys! This is what happens when you spend your whole life in the 'burbs. Plus, up until recently I was prejudiced against it because of the smells. Next time I make it into the city...
(if anyone from Chicago reads this, kindly recommend me a place)

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm still making up for all the years I never had Thai food.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm glad you've never fucked a pig, no matter how fanciful

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm still convinced that discovering Thai food in my late teens is what ended the mopeyness, not "hormones" or "growing up."

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, I never claimed that, steve.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

...stopped being dandy and showing them I'm handsome.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

There's Indian places in the burbs, too, Oops. Sher a Punjab is on...63rd and Woodward I think, in Downers Grove. They have lunch and dinner buffets so you could try all sorts of things. Viceroy of India on Roosevelt would be another similar option.

There's also this great little Indian place in DG that doesn't even have a sign. On Maple and Belmont I believe, SW corner. Or wherever that is where there's a little strip mall with a Dairy Queen. A few doors down from DQ is this little tiny Indian supermarket/video store/restaurant that has various Southern Indian dishes that vary by the day. They have really really good samosas too.

In the city, there are all sorts of great places on/around Devon street. I think there are some Chicago restaurant threads around where people talk about places there.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Monday, 22 September 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

No shit, Downers Grove! I'm in Bolingbrook so that's basically the next town over. I can picture that strip with the Dairy Queen but of course never noticed the sign-less Indian place (ate at the Mexican place there which was pretty blah).
See, I just expect there to be nothing of interest in strip malls and all the signs and buildings basically look the same, that these things can exist right under my nose. Plus, I'm always a bit skeptical of restaurants in a strip mall, ie not stand-alone. The past few that I've tried (including Thai Happiness at 75th and Lemont) have been very good though.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I swear there's a trend of really good restaurants in strip malls, and it seems to be stronger the further west you go...there are a bunch in Boulder, Colorado.

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Well it makes sense I guess. Rent has to be relatively cheap, so a little mom-n-pop place (that doesn't serve bland food and therefore probably won't be able to attract a huge 'mainstream' suburban clientele) can afford it rather than having to either take over an old Chili's or build their own place.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought you were in the western suburbs somewhere, Oops. I've spent a lot of time in the DG area in the past, so I generally know that area pretty well even if I forget the streets that snake around and change names and all that. The best thai place I've been to in the suburbs is tucked into a little strip mall on Ogden, a bit east of Cass I think. And I naturally can't remember the name of it. Same stripmall as The Great American Bagel. Really good green curry.

I have never dyed my hair blonde or been to Alaska. I have never dared to be the driver when visiting countries where they drive on the opposite side of the road. I have never driven stickshift skillfully. I have never tried rockclimbing. I have never sung kareoke without making a total ass of myself.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

That last one Jules - who has? ;-)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

See, that's another strip mall I'm aware of--The Great American Bagel sign is big and distinctive--but just never paid much attention to. It's like finding a needle in a haystack. I search for stuff on the web, but haven't been able to find a good, comprehensive site on suburban restaurants.
Thanks a bunch for the tips, and now that I have a job I'll actually have money to eat out.

(I don't think ANYONE has ever sung karaoke w/o making an ass of themselves) (haha! xp)

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:38 (twenty-two years ago)

... taken a cruise
... been on the Orient Express
... climbed Mt. Everest
... liked liver
... eaten shark
... been arrested

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I've not just eaten shark (a couple few times now actually), I've even caught a shark once. Sure, it was only like 4 feet long, but man that was cool.

...been able to get any noise whatsoever to come out of a flute.
...yelled at my mother.
...eaten tofurkey.
...seen an ocean besides the Atlantic.
...ridden a motorcycle.
...eaten/seen a boisenberry.
...had any serious medical operation of any kind.
...understood what appeal Courtenay Love has to anyone.
...slept in a cave.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Now I want to sleep in a cave!

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

...eaten tofurkey.

Ah, but have you had tofostritch?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

...Eaten a tootsie pop without crunching it

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex K I want to hear the story of you, Cornwell and Jack the Ripper.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

...sung for my father
...gotten in a fist fight
...been on a boat
...liked artsy types
...chopped down a tree
...been caught stealing (close call once in my youth)(not when I was 5 though)
...seen a man other than my father naked

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I bet you saw Momus nekkid.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I meant in person. I have seen pornos, yanno.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

... driven a car on the Autobahn
... been to Niagara Falls
... blown off work in the middle of the day to have margaritas
... had my own flag

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

You've never been to a gym, oops?

I've never
- been outside of Canada or the US
- been sexually attracted to a man
- dunked pieces of banana in salt before eating them
- waterskied

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

lunapalooza had its own flag.

No I haven't Bryan. Probably in no small part because I don't want to be around a bunch of sweaty naked jocks. I work-out in a Charles Atlas stylee.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

... blown off work in the middle of the day to have margaritas

Yeah, just keep telling yourself that, we all believe you. ;-)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Sug, you'd know if I did, 'cause I'd be picking your ass up.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, lunapalooza still DOES have it's own flag.

I have never:

... taped my boobs together
... had a pet monkey
... eaten paste

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:44 (twenty-two years ago)

...posted on this thread(OH WAIT...)
beaten any Final Fantasy game
flown a fighter at G-LOC speeds
played an actual song with a full band in front of a crowd
not tried to make someone laugh during the day
had sex with anyone other than my ex-girlfriend
understood how the subway could be a porno
visited another continent
defeated the invading zentradi forces

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Let me see here. Not that this thread has been transformed into a general "I have never..." thread, I'll have to take this more seriously.

Ok, I have never...

... dyed my hair another color.
... gotten a professional makeover.
... had a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, or a massage.
... been outside North America or the UK.
... been a fan of summer.
... had a Real Relationship.
... been on a date.
... written anything that's been published. (Ok, that's a lie. I did once write a poem that got published in a high school anthology. But that was only a publication done for two high schools and I seriously doubt it's something more than a handful of people are still hanging onto.)
... gotten to look like a conventional beauty.
... been a debutante.
... taken illegal drugs.
... gotten drunk.
... been to a club.
... gone anywhere for Spring Break.
... gone skiing.
... mastered ice skating.
... operated a computer from the Apple Computer company.
... worn anything with an animal print on it.
... worn frosted eyeshadow.
... been a fan of weepy, melodramatic love songs.
... done "it".
... had a grandmother who baked me cookies.
... driven more than two hours away from the house.
... been to that really cool new "art house" cinema theater they recently opened up in town (though I am expecting to change that soon).
... played a video game.
... played a RPG.
... purchased a comic book before in my life.

nickalicious, I broke my leg when I was 15 and that was not a pleasant experience. Even now, there are times when I feel a slight soreness in that area.

― Legendary Nothingness (Dee the Lurker), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never.....

...been abducted by aliens.
...gone on a gin'n'amphetamine frenzy.
...kissed the Blarney Stone.
...been persecuted by fez-wearing, knife-brandishing midgets.
...enjoyed the music of Celine Dion.
...burned a flag.
...attempted auto-erotic affixtiation.
...been attacked by sharks.
...ridden a Blade scooter.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

affixtiation

You mean, "asphyxiation"? </pedantic>

*laughs and winks playfully*

― Legendary Nothingness (Dee the Lurker), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

You seem to know an awful lot about it, Dee!

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

RATS! I added but didn't do it right! Sorry Dee!

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

FUCK!!! is the word cheaplaughs a tag?

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I have never...

- not been an anus!

― Bryan (Bryan), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

*laughs*

& l t ; and & g t ; (typed without spaces) can become your best friends, dear Bryan. *wink*

(And just for your information, "asphyxiation" is a general medical term as well. Er, well, that and I'm a Michael Hutchence fan, remember?)

― Legendary Nothingness (Dee the Lurker), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

...been drunk or had a hangover.

― Douglas (Douglas), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

...had a hangover. and I've gotten pretty damn hammered too. I experience the hangover DURING the binge, and therefore, don't drink much anymore.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

You're all liars! DRINK!!!

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

...gotten to work earlier than i absolutely fucking had to

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

this thread points out the u&k nature of using the word "anuts" as much as possible

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

...had a job I was happy with

― oops (Oops), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

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