Silly Or Amusing Things You Remember People Saying In Your Class at School

the teacher asked him what the hell he was doing: "I thought I saw something," was his reply

AM (adopts American accent): "Awdum"

"A tent is something you cut into".

"Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get away from the awful joke!"

After the usual year 8 tomfoolery (paper balls, spit balls, balls of all descriptions) he told one kid, Lloyd, to "Come and sit over here", pointing to the desk in front of him. Lloyd then proceeds to pick his chair up, put it on top of his desk, lift the desk up, and then carry it across the room, knocking about five other desks over and leaving a mild degree of carnage, before placing said desk onto desk in front of teacher, and sitting there.

Happy days.

Geography class. Graphic in our textbook is titled 'Major Earthquakes 1900-1950'. Me: "He didn't last very long!"

And no, I didn't.

People started laughing as he was just in the duct waving and the best part was when my near retirement English teacher blew a circuit when he realized what was going on.

The same guy in the shaft did some other pretty crazy pranks. During a science class, where we had lab work, he used an insulated set of plyers to insert a paperclip into a power socket, causing the lights in the entire school to blink and blowing out the socket and kicking the circuit braker for that wing of the school. I was at the front of the room and just saw a big spark light up and the black marks on the wall surrounding the circuit.

Pretty funny, but I think he got kicked out for ahwile after that one.

He had ADD and Tourettes, which provoked outrageous behavior and provided an easy excuse for said behavior.

Our math teacher, Mr. Hile, had to put up with the brunt of it. Exclamations such as:
"LET'S ALL GET NAKED!"
"I WILL RAPE YOU MR. HILE!"
"FISH ON A DISH!"
"LADLE!"

etc, etc, and throw in lots manic dry-humping of desk chairs, computer monitors, and young freshman guys.

He had a real obsession with kitchen utensils and baked goods.

We still hang out. He's calmed down quite a bit in the past couple of years.

Blobby blobby blobby!

Blobby.

Me & Jesse had Mr. Jordan's class together. Mr. Jordan once outta nowhere smacked him in the head once when he blurted out "BAGEL!", and another time we were taking down some notes on something and he just reached over and grabbed me by the shoulders and gave me a good hard shaking. I bet Mr. Hile appreciated Jesse's humor MUCH more than Mr. Jordan did (as he had no sense of humor whatsoever).

Me in biology, lesson about animal reproduction: "If i was a Bull, i'd go for something that little bit tighter, like a cat"

this has had me giggling for 5 giggling and smirking for 5 minutes now and i can't explain why. Nick and Cprek's school sounds like a goldmine for scriptwriters.

So I sez to Mable, I sez, "He pushed him into the water."

At the back of the class, a girl said, "What are these used for? Do you chew them, or what?"

Never saw Sister Whatshername turn so red!

I'm racking my branes to try and recall hilarity, I'm sure there was lots but nothing much comes to mind.

Except this one time in music classm which was more surreal than funny.

The walls were adorned with posters of various brass and wind instruments, their names beneath, one of which was a sousaphone (with the "USA" part of the lettering done up like the US flag). The teacher is in mid-ramble about something else altogether - Mozart or something probably - and he puts his hand up and very seriously asks "whats the USA in sousaphone stand for?".

Everyone just burst out in baffled laughter.

When I found out the real words I was REALLY embarrased.

Bullshit Biggs was a compulsive liar. He'd tell us all sorts and we'd never believe him. One week his brother has bought a tank and has ridden it round the town centre, next his mum's eye has fallen out but it's okay because she managed to pop it back in, etc. etc.
One day he told us that after school he had caught a rat and injected himself with rat's blood, and was slowly turning into a rat. At eight years old, we all believed him.
Quite a bit older and he explains to us that his house was raided by a police crack squad with lasers. But it was okay because his father frightened them off in the garden with a demon.
We didn't believe that one.

Also there was this kid named Andrew who would raise his hand and get the teacher's attention and when they said "Yes, what is it Andrew?" he would just bust out with "ROOOOOOXAAAAAANNE YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT ON THE RED LIGHT!". For some reason this got funnier every time he did it.

Similarly, one kid in our school would halt an entire wood work class with his "Pavarotti impression".

Anyway his finest hour came one day when he borrowed a steel ruler from someone in the class. We were sitting at the back and Kev began cooking the ruler with a lighter, it was almost dripping when he was finished.

He then whispered to someone ahead and said "hey can you pass this to Bernard/whoever owned the ruler", holding out the molten end of it.

They took the ruler and screamed and flung it across the class and hence got in trouble. He diversified later, using pound coins and putting them on the teachers desk, burnt the hell out of someone elses hand.

There is nothing like coming up with a killer joke or line during class, hoping no one else says it first, classic.

(the jesse guy made me piss myself. literally. i have wee pouring down my pants).

I don't remember any algebra at all, but I remember that.

a guy in the back raised his fist in the air and kept it there in the middle of lecture.
the teacher stopped and said "Yes Mr. So and So? Do you have a question?"

the student replied in a slow, measured voiced.
"this is the raised fist of unity.
Senor Bhota free my people!"

and then everyone went back to what they were doing.

i'm sure i've had some good ones but i've forgotten most of them. i was quiet in class, so i generally told my jokes to the person sitting next to me. i always felt lousy when that person would repeat what i just told them really loud to the whole class and everyone would laugh.

i remember HS (biggest real-life cockfarmer i know) was writing in his book when the teacher instructed him to stop writing and listen. he didn't, so she reached down to grab the pen from him. and he bit her.

do funny things the teacher says count? because i've just remembered something one of our sorry-to-say-it-but-really-not-especially-bright substitutes told us that amused me. examining her pet goldfish one day, she noticed that he seemed to have developed acne of some sort. she promptly popped the fish's zit, which turned out to be his eye.

One day it was raining, and she came into class in her prim tweed skirt, twin set and sturdy shoes. She then stood in front of the oil heater and in full view of a class of 16 year olds proceeded to lift her skirt RIGHT UP so she could dry off her legs.

Eww factor +20, that one.

She was, I've been told, the mother of a certain Mr Ferguson who is a member of a certain Melbourne comedy troupe, I'll say no more.

HAHA....! (For that, in my next life, I shall prolly be reincarnated as a goldfish)