Hank "Ant Man" Pym in Marvel Comix Sex Scandal SHOCKA!

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from Plastic.com & Newsarama, about how an ish of the Avengers is being delayed for a week due to racey/violent content:

The sexually suggestive scene in question relates to a scene with Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne in bed, with the strong suggestion made, as a moist Pym is miniaturized and crawling up Janet’s body from under the covers that he used his shrinking powers in a manner that was most certainly not related to crime fighting.
The issue also contains a scene where it is revealed that long-time Avengers enemy Whirlwind beats up a prostitute dressed as the Wasp (Van Dyne’s alter ego), confesses that he has always been sexually attracted to her, and then licks her face while she’s unconscious.
This is the first time a mainstream Marvel Universe title has been rated for mature readers, prompting some retailers to voice concerns that, if they are to be conscientious in the retail community, they cannot sell the issue to buyers who are under age, even if it means leaving a gap in their collection.

here are the racey images in question:
uno dos three

Still, if you had shrinking powers, how ELSE would you use them? Also, interesting that a violent scene in a violent comic book causes this much fuss, expecially with juxtaposed with the racier theme/scene. And, as is proven time & time again, American comix have NOTHING on their Japanese & European brethren...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

it's icky. i'll say that.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

this is the first "mature" Marvel? that's weird, considering how violent books like Punisher and Wolverine were twelve years ago when I last read them.
DC's been offering raciness for years and years, though I don't remember anyone ever using their superpowers for, uh, coital purposes. I reiterate, ick.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

T.S. Quint: But they're engaged.

Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen.

T.S. Quint: Why not? It's bound to come up.

Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?

T.S. Quint: Sure, why not?

Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

see: Kindom Come epilogue

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't wait for the revived, "mature" Plastic Man.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

see also Larry Niven's essay, Man Of Steel, Women of Kleenex

"...Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian. But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El's semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet..."

i think there's also a bit in there about the roof of clark kent's teenage bedroom being riddled with holes from him masturbating.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

ewwwwww!

― adaml (adaml), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Sunlight and magnifying glass to thread.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you think there's so much gratuitous sex in comics because comics people are losers?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

No, there's so much gratuitous sex in comics because comics people are people.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSS!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

god the art in super hero comics is always so bad anymore.

― gabbo giftington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously, why the hell have superpowers anyway if you're not gonna use them for super-sexing?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Jess the art in super hero comics is always already bad.

― dan I., Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

bring back Curt Swan!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex Toth!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

seriously, what turtle-pirate matchbook art school did these losers flunk out of to end up drawing "dirty" ant man?

― gabbo giftington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

actually, since dipping my toes in the comics water for the first time in about 12 years, I've noticed the biggest change is in the colours. They seem less bright. I bet technology did it. Cursed technology! (except ILX, I love ILX)

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

The funny thing is, the pre-Adultified version of Janet van Dyne divorced the pre-Adultified Hank Pym because he was a physically abusive loser.

The creepy bit is the "Okay Jan...now it's your turn"
So...she going to shink herself and go spelunking...where, exactly?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

No, there's so much gratuitous sex in comics because comics people are people.
Neil Gaiman once made this very profound quip about what makes the DC Universe run the way it does. He said:
"Nobody Mastrubates in the DC Universe. Thats why they dress up in tight costumes and beat each other up."

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

So...she going to shink herself and go spelunking...where, exactly?

Did I NEED a mental image of a tiny winged woman crawling up a man's butt? NO!

Did I NEED the accompanying mental image of a tiny winged woman crawling into a man's eurethra? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 October 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

and then when she's inside him, or he's inside her, what happens next?

Ultron shows up! OH SNAP

http://members.aol.com/thefightingfury/whoclix/ultron.gif
"A-ha! You two do-gooding Avengers, i have you now--* Oh, bloody hell. i'm sorry. I'll come back. You two...finish what you were doing. Don't mind me."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan Perry: I didn't make the suggestion vis a vis Hank Pyms Ass/Urethra. I'm aghast that thats the only possible interpretations of what Hank himself said. If you can think of a third possibility...please please please share it with us and sooth our worried minds.

Kingfish: Ultron 9000...now with Vibranium Vibrostimulator AKTION!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:15 (twenty-two years ago)

ya mean, like THIS?

http://vengador.dreamers.com/imagenes/ultron.gif
"Get ready for my BIG GUN.

...

And by BIG GUN, i, of course, mean the one attached to my arm here like Samus Aran or some shit. My robotic genitals are currently in the shop getting upgraded, so i'm in a pissy mood lately."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Is ILX "technology"?

― adaml (adaml), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Did you think Sue Richards turns herself invisible when ole stretcho comes? Or uses her invisible force field as a barrier method?

What happens when Bruce Banner has sex. Cos like it makes you all excited and stuff.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:50 (twenty-two years ago)

ILX is a result of technology. Or is it its own subset of technological systems? You could tell me it was, and I'd believe you. Cuz I'm stupid.

So, I think we should follow Pete's lead here and discuss the various ways different superpowers could come in handy during copulation.

Obv. Reed Richards/Elongated Man/Plastic Man got it made.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

That's why he calls himself "Mr. Fantastic" obv.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Submariner/Aquaman perhaps can perform cunnilingus for a very long time.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

And communicate with the crabs at the same time.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Who knew that the vagina was a ready source of oxygen?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Iron Man vs Iron Fist!

Al Ewing to thread, thread to hell.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Stan Lee: "But you know, I think you oughtta get him some help. He seems to be hung up on superheroes sex organs."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

and Wolverine would never get drained.

...

ever.

What's even funner? Go do a search for some superhero slash fiction--certain people out there have plenty idea about how the powers could aid in ruttin', and have taken to explicitly describe them all for your pleasure.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Regarding Mister Fantastic:
Here's a guy who's notorious for being a bookworm, geek and nerd, and yet he gets to get busy with Susan Storm. At first, you have to say to yourself: suuuuuurrrre. This absent minded professor doesn't pay his woman enough attention because he's always off trying to discover some left-handed prion nuetrino or something. But she still sticks by him?
Is she dense?
No. She is not.
Y'see, she might not get alot of loving, but what she loses in quantity, she gets back in quality. Let's wallow in Mister Fantastic's love life for a second and do an inventory of his advantages.
1) He can stretch and expand his member to fit any orifice
2) He actually CAN do some of the more absurd positions in the Kama Sutra
3) For him the Bouncy Bouncy is easy to do.
4) He IS his own novelty condom.
and most importantly, if you've ever seen Susan Storm in "Malice persona" you'd already know she's, like, into that whole rubber and latex fetish thing.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

regarding the Hulk: isn't he just a walking erection metaphor anyway?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, tiny vagina man is like the most disgusting thing I can possibly imagine, why did I click on this stupid thread OMG now I'll have to read it every time it's updated too and it'll just be updated with ways people can do disgusting things with superpowers and GOD I HATE YOU PEOPLE.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Surely she would just be satisfying herself with them invisible force fields. Reed smells of the inside of tennis balls.

Er - does your penis go GREEN?

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

regarding the Hulk: isn't he just a walking erection metaphor anyway?
wot, coz of his big teef?

http://www.sciencefiction.com/movies/images/hulk.jpg
"Oh Ally, we luv you too!"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

and most importantly, if you've ever seen Susan Storm in "Malice persona" you'd already know she's, like, into that whole rubber and latex fetish thing.

http://www.ffplaza.com/database/costumes/Malice.gif

Once again, Jeremy the Image Leech is here to provide you with visual aids.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

might as well post this here, too:

dood! what if Ant Man shrunk down to the size of his own spunk? if he had superspeed, could he immediately shrink down, swim all up inside there, and fight off his own spunk like Superman punching away at meteors in an old Fleischer cartoon?

Then, the Vatican wouldn't be all mad at him n' shit since his jimmy hat wasn't on.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, tiny vagina man is like the most disgusting thing I can possibly imagine

And tiny urethra woman isn't??????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Ant Man is just a terrible superhero idea anyway.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

shrinking? what's wrong with that?

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drd500/d521/d52121i92lc.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

DAN YOU ARE GOING TO HELL.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

t/s: tiny urethra woman vs big gaping urethra woman

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Hank Hill to thread

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Whatsherface from CB4 to thread.

"Small men DROWN in my shit."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

also, Psylocke had all that Kwannon ninja sexual-training shit. Who knows what THAT has in store for others?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 164 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Man, that's one happy dummy!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 31 October 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow! That manniquin is so sexually excited to be emasculated by the lover of the person he's a simalacrum for! he's wearing his Happy Briefs!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 31 October 2003 21:08 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.comicbookresources.com/news/preview.php?image=litg/pissbobby.jpg

Just when you thought this thread could go no further, someone offers to piss Iceman a new body.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 13:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Alright already, maybe a link would be better:
http://www.comicbookresources.com/news/preview.php?image=litg/pissbobby.jpg

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

See, there's a reason I stopped reading Uncanny X-Men despite the fact that most of the really cool Xers are in it.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't eat the yellow Iceman.

That said, is the speciual power of the geezer with the hood on big time pissing. Because obv you can't piss an entire bodies worth of water without getting v.v.dehydrated.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

That's Havok, aka Alex Summers, brother of Cyclops. He generates plasma blasts from his body that can reach solar temperatures. So, no direct link to pissing unless a side-effect of his mutation is a hyper-efficient internal cooling system that continually needs to void hot water.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Hot steamy piss boy more like.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 14:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I was trying to keep things clinical, but yes you're absolutely right.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

hmm, and on that note, would the magnetic powers of his greenhaired girlfriend come into play here? some sorta magnetic inner shielding system to keep her inner walls from getting scorched from hot plasma spunk?

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

If I were her I would go back and sue her hairdresser. Everyone knows that if you arse up the peroxide it goes green. Magnetic powers or no magnetic powers.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

They aren't together anymore so we don't have to contemplate the horrors of "hot plasma spunk" ever again.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that why the human torch married and Alieng with mosschops?

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

hey wow, it's like all at once, everyone in the marvel universe is discovering their wee-wee!

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude, you clearly missed the comic book last year that opened with Luke Cage doing a white woman up the pooper.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

What was Iron Fist doing at the time?

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

He was nowhere in-panel; wasn't his book (the book is about the woman).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

(Although all sorts of unpleasant things that IRON FIST could have been doing to this woman's pooper are now all in my head, thanks.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that Luke Cage : Pooer Man?

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Much like Havok's power isn't copious piss production, I don't think Luke Cage's power is copious shit production.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay, Luke Cage, Up The Pooer Man.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

BINGO

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

now THAT's a tagline for the Luke Cage flick.

"COMING SUMMER 2005: 'LUKE CAGE: He likes to put it up your pooper!'"

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Coming soon in a pooper near you

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

You're all wrong.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

This is why we should be in Hollywood.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0202406/

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Ray Park?
As in the only person who dumb enough to plagiarize Huey Lewis?

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

no, you're thinking of Ray Park's son.

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

B-b-but Ray Park is Toad! What happens if Toad meets Iron Fist?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

then the part of Ray Park will be played by Hayley Mills.

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 1 December 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm so happy this thread is back.

― Leee Majors (Leee), Monday, 1 December 2003 22:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Grant Morrison comments on the Avengers page that started this all:

MORRISON: Surely it's obvious to anyone that pirates are actually the new cowboys. And cowboys are the new spaceman, although spacemen are the old pioneers. Imagine monkey-pirates! Imagine what sort of hijinks those rollicking rascals might get up to? It'd be less F&*^ing soul-destroying than seeing Ant Man crawling out of the Wasp's urethra, that's for sure.

It's poetry, I tell you.

― Matt Maxwell (Matt M.), Tuesday, 2 December 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

The poetry line was mine, not Mr. Morrison's, just to allay any doubts.

― Matt Maxwell (Matt M.), Tuesday, 2 December 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, if Morrison said it would've sounded more like this:

Surely it's meta-obvious to anyone that hyperpirates are actually the new infra-cowboys. And infra-cowboys are the new omni-spaceman, although omni-spacemen are actually just a subset of hyperpirates. Imagine monkey-pirates! A googleplex of monkeypirates folded upward into hilbert space. Imagine what sort of hijinks those rollicking rascals might get up to? All in shiny new frocks and smelling of sex and curry powder.
It'd be less F&*^ing soul-destroying than seeing Ant Man crawling out of the Wasp's urethra, that's for sure.
And if this was still the Doom Patrol era, he would've probably wrote it all in anagrams.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 2 December 2003 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think I've ever really liked anything by him.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 2 December 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

He's an acquired taste.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 2 December 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

like sex curry powder.

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 2 December 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

as if "sex" and "curry" were two different things.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

it's much easier to order one than the other tho, especially when you're on the phone in your office.

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah but sometimes curry is worth the extra effort.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, yes, yes...but what does this all have to do with Superheroes being naughty?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 3 December 2003 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

It isn't naughty when it's your regular partner!

http://www.imagecomics.com/messageboard/viewtopic.php?t=10154

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Thursday, 4 December 2003 00:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Two-face would never have to come up for air.

― Leee Trevino (Leee), Thursday, 4 December 2003 00:22 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

this thread died too soon

― k t (matchstick), Tuesday, 6 September 2005 05:09 (twenty years ago)

wow, i have been here for two years already...

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 6 September 2005 05:14 (twenty years ago)

Tiny footprints in her vagina!

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 6 September 2005 14:47 (twenty years ago)

Tiny footprints in THE MOTHER BOX!

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 6 September 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

http://www.sean-walsh.com/newgods/granny_card.jpg

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Tuesday, 6 September 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

wow this thread

― Black Seinfeld (HI DERE), Wednesday, 19 November 2008 21:43 (seventeen years ago)

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