How can you tell you're in an independant movie?

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For NA and Felicity. (See Hollywood thread)

1. You smoke even more than a maverick action hero.

2. No one in your world has a proper job, leaving you free to smoke more and talk about philosophy.

3. All you converstaions are somewhat stacato and punctuated with either you or your interlocuter looking intently into the middle distance.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

4. You have long, intense, and innane conversations about pop culture

― ryan (ryan), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

5. 1994 never really ended for you.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

6. You are Parker Posey.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

7. "hip-hop pastiche"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

8. You are incapable of maintaining a relationship with anyone.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

9. You live in a town full of pleasant eccentrics.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

10. You're Bill Murray.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 13 October 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

11. You can't even go to the toilet without hearing Elliot Smith.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, how can I be in an independent film and a Hollywood movie at the SAME TIME? OMG FOX SEARCHLIGHT

― TOMBOT, Monday, 13 October 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

You're Bill Murray??

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

No, I'm Owen Wilson.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 13 October 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Zoolander wasn't an indie film.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I was talking about Behind Enemy Lines, you know, with Gene Hackman.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 13 October 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

12. You're Gene Hackman.
13. You're that little Indian dude that is in every one of those fucking movies, he was the best thing about Bottle Rocket!!!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

14. People continually state that your life is like the "(fill in the blank adjective) version of Reservoir Dogs"

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude now I wanna go home and watch Bottle Rocket. "What do you mean, who's that? That's Applejack, man!"

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

15. Everything is black & white.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

16. you can't spell "independent" correctly.

― hstencil, Monday, 13 October 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

17. You are Catherine Keener

― the real whoo, Monday, 13 October 2003 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

13. You're that little Indian dude that is in every one of those fucking movies, he was the best thing about Bottle Rocket!!!

And the Royal Tennenbaums.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

The music that plays before the movie is like New Pornographers or something and some dweebo is singing along and I'm like "okay INDIE GUY keep it down" but then on comes "Let's Push Things Forward" and I'm singing along.

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 October 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

and: I want to hump half the audience

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 October 2003 17:52 (twenty-two years ago)

19. Vous parlez avec les sous-titres.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

20. Your girlfriend is pretty, but the lesbians are prettier.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

21. There is no 'stereo'.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

22. Everything. Is. Important.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 13 October 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

23. you are more aware than the rest of your generation.

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

There is one recurring bit character who is more entertaining than the whole rest of your life

― TOMBOT, Monday, 13 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

you made the coffee, wrote the screenplay, hired locals(extras), recorded the soundtrack on your 8track, you are also the ****STAR*******

― kephm, Monday, 13 October 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

26. If you have a job, it is as a lackey in the film industry. You get ahead by breaking all the rules.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

27. you have recently moved back to your gray, depressing hometown and must deal with a complex web of eccentric family, aimless friends, and unrequited loves (one of whom is probably parker posey).

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

27. You are Steve Buscemi
28.Robert Altman's tellng you what to do (these days).

― Charles McCain (Charles McCain), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

28. noone you know can act.

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

29. you somehow think reworked providence scripts make for compelling cinema

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

30. Conveniently, many exteriors are being shot in your own neighborhood somewhere around Chinatown.

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 October 2003 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

31. finally, a girlfriend!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

32. The film is shot in Super 8 to get that indie feel

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:36 (twenty-two years ago)

33. Birthdays are depressing. On no account do you ever sing "Happy Birthday" to anyone.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:39 (twenty-two years ago)

34. All car production ceased ten years ago.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

35.The only you can be seen inside of car is from behind.

― Charles McCain (Charles McCain), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

36. haha "plot"

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

37. Nobody watches you.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

38. You are Canadian.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

39. All the characters went shopping in Goodwill to get their boho look

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

40. The film's climax is dialog.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

41. ifc acts like you're an 'escape from hollywood'

― cinniblount (James Blount), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

42. Nietzche and Freud are big playas in the dinner scene

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 13 October 2003 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

nickalicious wins with that last one.

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 October 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

nickalicious wins with that last one.

except that it's true of most dramatic features, not merely independent ones.

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

43. if everyone is dressed like they are going to a halloween party as fbi agents or disco guys, then you know a crime will be committed. it won't matter much, tho.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:22 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't agree, gygax. most hollywood dramas seem to climax in death, or a kiss, some sort of Grand Redemption, or maybe dialogue centered around some such contrived Event. Nick's comment flashed me back to Secrets and Lies, a purely uncontrived dialoguey climax...

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 October 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

43. Despite being an indie loser with a no money and one black sweater, you own bullets and a gun. (N.B. Britain only.)

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:33 (twenty-two years ago)

43. Despite being an indie loser with a no money and one black sweater, your facial hair is remarkably tidy.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

'cept that's 45, obviously.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

111. You aren't bankable.

― Aimless, Monday, 13 October 2003 19:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Forgot about ex-indie folk like Jason Biggs? He's mucho bankable.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

46. Every time you wear a collar and tie you end up getting blood on it somehow.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

16. you can't spell "independent" correctly.

-- hstencil

Because, like, 'stence, proper speling is just so over, you know? It's like, who are we hiding our imperfections from? Hiding them under this borgeious mesh of speling and grammar, when we're all the same when we fucking die anyway. Like, what's syntax? It's total speech facism. It's time someone took a fucking stand man. I'm striking free of these conventions and, like, changing my language has really shaped my world view differently. It's like I'm in control now. You should try it. Yeah really, you should. Can I bum a smoke?

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 13 October 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

47. The cameraman who followed you into the [insert cramped space] is using a handheld camera.

― Leee (Leee), Monday, 13 October 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

48. Bill Murray tees off! Apropos of nothing!

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 October 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Anna, relax, it was an inside joke to myself. I used to work at this record archive. One day, when looking through records, I found some Big Black stuff. In one of their records, there was a letter to the guy who ran the archive, who at that point had published a discography of the "new wave." The typewritten letter, from Steve Albini, thanks the publication for recognizing and exposing "independant" music. So whenever I see that typo, I think of the letter and think about how quintessentially "independant" it is to misspell that word.

― hstencil, Monday, 13 October 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I know, don't worry. I was pretending to be in an indepant (...?) film.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 13 October 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i was in a impedant movie.

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 13 October 2003 21:42 (twenty-two years ago)

no gygax! you're just impudent!

― hstencil, Monday, 13 October 2003 21:54 (twenty-two years ago)

6,935. You like boys and you like girls. (cross-reference with "How can you tell... ILX?" thread)

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:01 (twenty-two years ago)

47. The cameraman who followed you into the [insert cramped space] is using a handheld camera.

And doesn't get arrested by an undercover cop.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

50. You're not black.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:09 (twenty-two years ago)

― hstencil, Monday, 13 October 2003 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

50a. Unless you're a black businessperson/business student, and your primary function to the plot is to make all the white characters appear all the more slackerish.

51. The soundtrack appears to have been assembled by the director blindfolding himself and reaching at random into his record collection.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:19 (twenty-two years ago)

HStencil again being a pedant NON-SHOCKAH!

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:20 (twenty-two years ago)

52. One of your friends plays guitar. (And it's his only way to communicate with the world, man!!)

― Prude (Prude), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Black Independent Cinema and the Influence of Neo-Realism

San Francisco Black Independent Film Festival

The Distribution of Black Films

― hstencil, Monday, 13 October 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes Stence, I was painting a broad generalization. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Now, give it a rest.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

53. Your name is Sebastian

54. You are arranging matches

― Nellie (nellskies), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

ten months pass...

55. You're a woman who dresses up as a circus clown for a living. You drive to and from work (naturally, stopping off to run errands on the way) IN COSTUME

Bonus points if you mend broken pianos outdoors in your spare time.

― Audrey, Monday, 16 August 2004 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

56. your love interest is parker posey

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

57. The camera keeps panning off to some symbolic object in the horizon.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 00:13 (twenty-one years ago)

58. Fucking is scored to the Shins.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 00:31 (twenty-one years ago)

As it should be.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

You're currently staying in a shithole of a roadside motel. The TV sucks and you the rustling of take-out wrappers is comforting, especially because it's so damn hot.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

agent phlegm is cast as grit noir

― kephm, Tuesday, 17 August 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

that couch right there, is so not jordans

― kephm, Tuesday, 17 August 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

55. You're a woman who dresses up as a circus clown for a living. You drive to and from work (naturally, stopping off to run errands on the way) IN COSTUME

Bonus points if you mend broken pianos outdoors in your spare time. Even though

Even though I love All the Real Girls, I will concede that Clarkson's character was a little too deliberately quirky.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 17 August 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

27. you have recently moved back to your gray, depressing hometown and must deal with a complex web of eccentric family, aimless friends, and unrequited loves

holy shit, did you see an early version script of garden state? *laff*

― js, Wednesday, 18 August 2004 03:12 (twenty-one years ago)

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