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True Porn Clerk Stories.

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this is totally hilarious.
(sorry for the long addy)

http://www.improvisation.ws/mb/showthread.php?s=42bb5583338f6fbed3e3a31b400d5a07&threadid=4475&perpage=200

― nellskies (minna), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I've read this, it's beyond classic.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

back up and I got my financial shit in order.

Ten months.

It has been a test of patience, humility, and character.

Somehow, this makes me feel better about being penniless. Slightly. Misery kisses company, etc.;> At the 11th month, he/she'll say, "Fuck patience, humility and character, give me that job for $20/hr"

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I've also read these. They are brilliant/funny/terrifying.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

The chick doing it is such a gun as well. I seriously doubt that I'd be able to deal with all the stuff and just not curl up into a ball and cry.
Has everybody read these? have they been posted before?

― Nellie (nellskies), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

well worth a revive even if they've been posted before...it's just one of those things that floats around the internet.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I could go on for hours about my experience as a billing clerk for a porn phone company. But i won't. It always brought me great pleasure when a wife called in complaining about $1000 worth of charges on her phone bill and having her deny that they could be made from her home. Adamant these women were about it. Until I played back the 30 second voice clip we captured of each call in order to diffuse these situations. The silence at the end of the phone when wives heard their husbands describing in great detail what they wanted in their ass.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Ommigod. I had know idea those things were recorded. I have so many friends to torment now.

― Nellie (nellskies), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

ah good times. And its true, the women who worked as the "hot" women on the line, were quite possibly the most unattractive women ever.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

more stories chris! fer chrissake!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

interesting link.
i had a friend that worked as a porn clerk. she quit after a "pooping" incident with one of the customers. up untill that point she was handling the job quite well.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

And its true, the women who worked as the "hot" women on the line, were quite possibly the most unattractive women ever.

You assume, Chris. What other job could you baste the chicken while some sad git has orgasms in your ear?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I only ever called sex lines when I was about 13 and me and my friends thought it'd be funny. But we never tried one with an actual live woman at the other end. Our voices hadn't broken.

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

man, I've read all these before but I can't stop reading them again!

Several of our straight porn boxes have a cheerful little blue circle on the front. It's designed to look like a sticker and it says "Gaping Asshole Inside!" in the same sort of cheerful font one might use for "Now with more fiber!" or "New fresh scent!"

It is clearly meant to be a feature, a sort of guarantee of quality: whatever else may or may not happen in this film, you are guaranteed at least one gaping asshole. Frequently there is also a gaping asshole holding the box, but that issue is not addressed.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

http://moneybin.at.infoseek.co.jp/gladstone.jpg

― Eriik, Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't assume, I worked in the room next door to them. I saw them all.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

MORE STORIES CHRIS.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

wasn't this on This American Life? (not Chris, but the porn clerk diaries)

― flightsatdusk (flightsatdusk), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, we would get people calling us thinking they had the actual lines and trying to get us to talk to them. We'd basically laugh them off.

I guess if I still had access to the phone system I would post all the voice clips, but alas its been 6 years since I worked there so...

Just a sleezy operation and run by sleezy people. The shit people can get charged for amazed me. If you dial one number off from 1-800-Dial-ATT you'd get a porn line, which would be ours. Connection would be around $25.

We had people with $10000 phone bills. Usually we would take some money off. Or we would "put this under investigation" which meant, we'd note the account, and send out a letter that we investigated(when we did no such thing) and then demand payment. Eventually people would pay or write the FCC which is a sure way to get rid of a phone bill.

AS far as stories go, well there isn't that much I can type as you sort of had to hear the people but people would sing to each other...I remember one guy would start off all the time "Do you wanna riiiiideee, in the back seat of a Caddie...and chop it up with big daddy."

People are freaks.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Moral: Don't get caught with your trousers down.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

The security to get into the building where I worked was like the White House. Apparently they had some people try to kill the owner at some point.

I got this job from a Temp Agency too, they told me it was a great job at an "Up and Coming" phone company. No pun intended. I had no idea it was a porn joint until the day I started and they told me they run adult "party" lines. My parents loved it when I told them what I was doing with myself.

Here, they are trying to be all legit.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

"It astonishes me that someone could actually forget to clean off his sticky and/or slippery tapes, but what amazes me even more is that people actually have the balls to argue with us about it."

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I think I should do this. Seriously. Teaching is wearing me down.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, flightsatdusk, it was on TAL -- that's where I first heard it, anyway.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 05:25 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, this is brilliant!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 07:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Sam, I just have a feeling you'd be the best phone sex operator in the world. For real.

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Holy crap! That website for Pilgrim is the best thing I've ever seen. I thought only governments were capable of that level of obfuscation... "Waaaait a minute here. Are you folks talking about PORN?"

― flightsatdusk (flightsatdusk), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:24 (twenty-two years ago)

on the home page there's a guy talking on the phone and sitting in a very suggestive pose.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Woah! They *are* kosher. I was hoping in the "Partners" section to find Gaping Asshole Productions or somesuch, but no.

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahahah. I love this: individuals initiate their experience by defining their profile and releasing it to the system.

"Hey baby, wanna initiate your experience with me?".

Good lord.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh Mark I don't want to do phone sex. I wouldn't be able not to laugh. I just want to work in an adult video store.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)


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