I got a bad review!

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I got described as "brittle and laboured over"! Obviously this isn't a great thing. But nevertheless, I got a review! Somebody has taken the time to read my stuff and take a dislike to it! I am absurdly pleased (I am also going to dedicate the rest of my life to tracking down St3v3 Sp3nc3 and making him EAT HIS WORDS, possibly with UNPLEASANT SAUCE but that's a given)

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 16 October 2003 01:47 (twenty-one years ago)

matt I feel yr pain
one of my kids' books got FUCT
in the new yorker

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 16 October 2003 02:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously? What book was it, if I may ask?

― Prude (Prude), Thursday, 16 October 2003 02:58 (twenty-one years ago)

And yeah, Matt, that's really rough. What was it that got reviewed?

― Prude (Prude), Thursday, 16 October 2003 02:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, but did Constellation Records pay to take out a full quarter page ad in the new issue of Your Flesh making fun of you for giving their shitty Silver Mt Zion record a bad review, in effect elevating you to legendary status well before your time?

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Thursday, 16 October 2003 03:00 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha ha roger
you are legion and legend!
keep rollin' pimp-style!

here's a link for the book: http://www.zinopress.com/Fu.html
j*an ac*cella, their dance writer, totally flipped out over my nice little book, making fun of it for trying to teach a lesson that I guess she didn't want it to teach; she ended up saying something like "by the end of the book, you just want to tell her to change her name to Jennifer and shut up." which, y'know, screw her.

matt: good attitude!
don't let bad press get you down,
wear it like a scar!

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 16 October 2003 03:07 (twenty-one years ago)

A skaddabinglehuznahaznahu, huh? Sounds all right to me. But they had a dance writer review it? What the hell?

― Prude (Prude), Thursday, 16 October 2003 03:12 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah Prude I don't know.
my friend s*r*h knows her, said
"what a fuckin' bitch!"

(although that was probably more about the review instead of her personality, although I'm willing to believe it was about both at least subliminally. s*r*h got my back--we once drove from brooklyn to akron and back, that shit forms a TIGHT LIFETIME BOND FOREVER)

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 16 October 2003 03:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd love to write kids books - and have my partner illustrate them - I just wish I knew where to start though.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 16 October 2003 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, so that's who Haikunym is. Now it all starts to make sense.

― adaml (adaml), Thursday, 16 October 2003 03:46 (twenty-one years ago)

haha - I used to date j*an ac*cella's niece! I used to bug her about it all the time too!

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 16 October 2003 06:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks Prude and Haikunym (it was a section in somebody elses small press thing that got slated), I actually find it fairly funny, the rest of the review praised some people I really don't rate.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 16 October 2003 08:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Good grief, the contributors' list for Southside Callbox reads like an ILX rollcall!

Matt Cibulla
Nate Patrin
Jody Beth Rosen
Michaelangelo Matos
Anthony Easton

Jody Beth started the ILX Vice wars with a thread on how awful Vice was. I read SSCB and... now it all starts to make sense.

― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 16 October 2003 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Your first bad review, you either find it really funny, or else you find it really upsetting. Seems like you're handling it well!

It's much easier to find bad reviews funny if you totally disagree with what the reviewer is saying about you, and/or you totally disagree with their tastes.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 16 October 2003 08:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not sure if this is the place to put this, since it's actually a positive review, I think, but check out the horrible, horrible writing on this review of my band. It's so embarassing that I haven't even linked to it from our website. OK, this is a student newspaper, but come on. Anyone older than 10 should be able to write better than this.

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 16 October 2003 10:56 (twenty-one years ago)

No, that review could ONLY have been written by a first year student who thinks they're really clever cause they've just aced Psychology 101. Sigh. College students should just be banned. ;-)

― kate (kate), Thursday, 16 October 2003 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)

That review is really terrible. The best bad review i ever got said one of our cds should have come in a coffin shaped box! it compared us unfavourablt to ten (aor band) when our music is instrumental soundscapish prog rock. I'll have to try and dig it out & type it in. It pissed me off for a little bit, but i cheered up pretty quickly.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 16 October 2003 11:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd type out some of our bad reviews, but I weighed them and then burned them. Heh.

― kate (kate), Thursday, 16 October 2003 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn right. Interesting side note to the bad review just discovered, his editor has seen me read and is a fan, and there is in fact a batch of my stuff on the way to their magazine as we speak. Ha!

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 16 October 2003 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

this is a great thread.
read more awful reviews of
me on amazon

oh and momus dear,
I was SSCB way
before I came here

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 16 October 2003 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

BJ*RK: W*W AND FL*TT*R
----------------------------------------------------------
by M*rk P*tl*k
----------------------------------------------------------
µµ *** PRESS, $18
----------------------------------------------------------
The clue is in the foreword. Canadian
journalist M*rk P*tl*k's respect for his
uninterviewed subject is so over-
whelming, he decides that "the only
way I could write this book is if I felt it
could be honest without being
exploitive." So instead, we get a
conscientous plod through the
biography of one of pop's most
compelling practitioners. How her
various boyfriends (including Tr*cky,
G*ldi* and now avant-garde artist
M*thew B*rn*y) affected her, what she
was thinking when she punched a TV
journalist in Bangkok's airport or
how she felt about her crazy fan who
sent her a bomb and then videotaped
himself blowing his brains out: All remain
a mystery. The only time the bone-dry
narrative catches fire is on set of L*rs
V*n Tri*r's D*nc*r in the D*rk:
The tantrums between the auteur and
the headstrong rockstar cause a
producers to call the film "the worst
experience of my life." A track-by-track
breakdown of Bj*rk's every song
at the back does littleto enliven
this snoozy cut-and-paste job.
ANDY P*MB*RTON

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 16 October 2003 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

(that's two stars by the way! this ran in bl*nder of all places!! all the other reviews have been good tho)

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 16 October 2003 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt, perhaps you failed to understand the importance of a spit-polish on your boots or a snappy, automatonical salute (eyes right!) as you smartly goosestepped your way past the reviewing stand. A failure in any one of these categories can result in demerits and time in barracks. Some people think a review is something they can dog their way past. Not in this army, sonny boy!

― Aimless, Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

It was the gum I was chewing at the time, Aimless old bean, next thing you know there I was, baseball and mitt in hand. K-dunk tch, k-dunk tch...

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 17 October 2003 05:53 (twenty-one years ago)

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