You know you're a character in a television ad when...

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Desiring to work away from the office atmosphere for a while, you take your laptop out on to the steps of a Bhutanese monastery.

You think chocolate is good for kids if it has milk, nuts or yoghurt in it.

You're a chef, and you're worried about the drop off in your restaurant business resulting from people buying frozen food products.

You cannot tell if soup has come from a can.

You don't want a toothpaste, you want a whole mouth paste.

You use tampons for a thousand different purposes, but never the one for which they were intended.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Saturday, 18 October 2003 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You use tampons for a thousand different purposes, but never the one for which they were intended.

Austrailian commercials are fucked up.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Saturday, 18 October 2003 02:34 (twenty-two years ago)

As is my spelling. Anyhoo...

Your crackers are dancing with your peanut butter.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Saturday, 18 October 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

You find it completely normal to have conversations with strange little creatures that would otherwise be written off as bad hallucinations.

You're an attractive female in your late 30s and you rejoice over being able to get every single surface in your house sparkling clean.

Your Sundays are always slow-paced, relaxing days spent in the countryside, where no one wakes up grumpy or with a thousand things to do that day.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 18 October 2003 02:51 (twenty-two years ago)

You're crampy, bloated, spotty and irritable (yes, it's that time of the month) so you decide it's a good time to FUCKING GO WATERSKIING IN A WHITE BIKINI!

You are the proud and handsome father of a 18month old toddler and still don't know which way round the disposable diapers go

Alcohol really does make you witty, charming, gorgeous and irresistable to the opposite sex.

You actually take your late-model offroad 4WD sports utility vehicle offroad. Preferably a riverbed, temperate rainforest, sand dunes, glacial mountain pass, or similar natural vista unspoilt by the hands of HUMAN FUCK-UPS LIKE YOU DRIVING THEIR YUPPIE TRUCKS THROUGH IT, FUCKERS.

― petra jane (petra jane), Saturday, 18 October 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

You just happen to have a nearly full bottle of shampoo in your purse and pull it out in the middle of the dancefloor.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Saturday, 18 October 2003 04:01 (twenty-two years ago)

You use walks on a beach as an opportunity to discuss your crotch with your mom.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 18 October 2003 04:53 (twenty-two years ago)

scantily-clad women swarm around you just because you've flavoured your sweat with a mediocre brand of deodorant.

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 18 October 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

You consider yourself a coffee afficionado, yet you drink instant coffee.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Saturday, 18 October 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

You do things in your car that are only considered appropriate for a "professional driver on a closed course".

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Saturday, 18 October 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

You ask people if they can hear you now. Good.

― hstencil, Saturday, 18 October 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Your local fast food restaurants contain no fat people.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 18 October 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

everyone in said fast food restaurant is of the same racial and socioeconomic background as you.

you are in a car and not stuck in traffic, or, if you are stuck, you can avoid this fact with film editing techniques!

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Saturday, 18 October 2003 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

You get hit in the head by a life-sized wiseass piece of candy, and everyone applauds.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Saturday, 18 October 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

All of your friends and co-workers are a pleasing multi-ethnic composite.

But, if only one part of your body is showing -- say, a foot (for some product that treats athlete's foot), or an underarm (for a soap commercial), then you are invariably white.

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 18 October 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

You can stand to eat Subway every day of the week.

― Aaron A., Saturday, 18 October 2003 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

you can stand to eat the same 6 tasteless low-fat sandwhiches at subway each day of the week. (if i had to eat there every day, i would cave in and get the meatball and cheeeeeese.)

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Saturday, 18 October 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

You eat greasy, salty, heart attack inducing, filth and yet for some reason are "lovin' it"

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Saturday, 18 October 2003 23:14 (twenty-two years ago)

You recommend that people ask their doctors about [x] without actually revealing what [x] does.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 18 October 2003 23:38 (twenty-two years ago)

you mudwrestle a hot chick while craving miller lite. cat fight=rrrwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Sunday, 19 October 2003 01:25 (twenty-two years ago)

On hot days, you have the uncontrollable urge to spray everybody around you with water from the nearest hose or fire hydrant - and far from getting angry, they join in the fun!

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Sunday, 19 October 2003 01:35 (twenty-two years ago)

The barman never messes up your order.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 19 October 2003 01:44 (twenty-two years ago)

You're very, very rich: that's why you eat only the finest fast food.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Sunday, 19 October 2003 02:09 (twenty-two years ago)

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