excelsior!! cutting and pasting!! laugh out loud!!!

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Au contraire! I am piggybacking on your activities, Matos!
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), October 21st, 2003.

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You guys are making this thread all gay.
-- bnw (rilke...), October 21st, 2003.

-- kephm (keph...), October 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

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abort! abort!

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), October 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

Big boobs are acceptable.

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), October 21st, 2003.

power was out in my 'hood this morning, and my bathroom has no windows, and i couldn't find my rav0r glowing balls to help provide guiding light, so i went to work all groggy and then told my tales and then someone told me the first floor of my work building had showers (!!!), so i took one. and now i'm not as groggy. the end.

-- donut bitch (do...), October 21st, 2003. (later) (link)

Like, oh my gawd, this is, like, totally what Momus sounds like as filtered through the Valley URL:
I've said I totally don't come to ILX to talk like, you know, about ILX Like, Here's where I contradict myself proudly, boldly, without contradiction Like, Here's where I horrify a bunch of posters whose attitudes to life are similar to mine by hand picking them to be part of a studly brand, a studly band, a studly gang which I am calling, for the purposes of marketing, THE CLUSTER GANG.
So stop forward Nerd-Face, Suzy, Ed, Enrique, Tracer Hand, Muffin Sterzinger, Nabisco... the gang like, you know, totally starts with you Like, there are differences in accent, but I feel like like we are A GANG. Did I miss anyone out? Like, I am so sure! Who else feels they should be with us? Like, I am so sure! Who knows for like, fer sure they're against us? Like, I am so sure! Can like we define what it is totally that unites us and will bind this unit through turbulent threads? Like, I am so sure! Can like we work out a system of relay or tag posting related to geography, so that when one poster tires there's always another in a different time zone ready to come in slugging for liberty, justice and THE CLUSTER GANG WAY?

-- Momus (nic...), October 16th, 2003.

Like, oh my GAWD!

*calms down*

-- Many Coloured Halo (deethe_downspamdown_lurke...), October 21st, 2003. (later)

-- mookieproof

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), October 22nd, 2003.

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they make my crotch feel like a wonderland.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Mike you are a fuckpuppet in black or out of it
-- anthony (anthonyeasto...), September 28th, 2001.

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stick your hand up me then and make me do your bidding
-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), September 29th, 2001.

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I am baby i am
-- anthony (anthonyeasto...), September 29th, 2001.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003 9:56 AM. (Chris V)

When you come to Boston, I am specifically wearing khakis just to annoy you.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Guess who is getting a kick in the nuts!
-- Allyzay (khak...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Cool, if Dans wearing khakis I'm going to wear a Red Sox sweatsuit.
-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Great! I'll show up with a blowtorch!!
-- Allyzay (fashio...), October 22nd, 2003.

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Actually I'm going to sew Red Sox patches on the crotch of my khakis and surround it with blinking Christmas tree lights.
-- Dan Perry (djperr...), October 22nd, 2003.

I'm wearing khakis right now and I would like my kick in the nuts please.

-- Bryan (twp62y...), October 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

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Check your email!

-- NA (emmaa...), October 22nd, 2003. (later) (link)

Sorry, I'm just trying to ignore that thread, and it's really hard when they keep popping up on a thread you *are* following.

I hope everybody understands by now why I personally do not own a camera
-- Millar (tmilla...), July 10th, 2003.

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Yeah, cuz you spent all your money on that shirt.
-- NA. (emmaa...), July 10th, 2003.

Seriously, NA, that joke still comes up from time to time. Because I bring it up. Every time he puts on that shirt.

-- Kingfish (jdsalmo...), October 22nd, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

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I could knit you a cock cozy.
-- teeny (teen...), October 22nd, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

And sorry Kate, but the rules are: if you laugh out loud at something, you have to paste it here. Even if it results in entire thread duplication.

you don't have to - i laugh out loud at some of my own stuff sometimes (how lame i know, but it doesn't take that much to make me laugh) but i couldn't post it myself...

-- RJG (r_gillander...), October 22nd, 2003.

...did it for me.

Good thing I'm leaving, so I don't have to follow 40 more posts from the same thread again...

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that was the entire Xanth series.
-- teeny (teen...), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

-- Mark C (boyincorduro...), October 22nd, 2003.

-- mark p (m*****...), October 22nd, 2003.

they make my crotch feel like a wonderland.

-- Chris V. (formerlypoopsmcge...), October 22nd, 2003.

Seeing the funny side of things is classic. Being expected to see the funny side of things is dud. Especially when the expector isn't actually funny.
-- Tico Tico (ticoticoil...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

David Brent to thread.
-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

-- miloauckerman (suspectdevic...), October 22nd, 2003 12:00 AM. (later)

reckon Marcello's a shoe-in. If he noms himself, which I think yer supposed to.
-- Enrique (miltonpinsk...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

Blogging is about pithy journalism, not interminable tracts about why Kraftwerk's ouvre in 1976 made ones balls drop a lil' bit further.
-- Pete (pb1...) (webmail), October 22nd, 2003. (later)

Hey!

OHMYGOD! That party was so awesome! Right before we arrived, I helped Lizzie dye her roots brown. She looked a little upset after hearing the results of her pap smear over her cell phone. I'm like, "Lizzie! Cottage cheese discharge is so not normal." and she was like, "WhatEVER!" while making the "W" sign with her thumbs and index fingers. That's Lizzie! She's sassy and I love her.
You know that Kim Cattrall movie in the 80s about the MANNEQUIN who would periodically come to life in front of Andrew McCarthy who would kiss her before she would turn back into a MANNEQUIN which would freak people out because ieewww he kissed a MANNEQUIN, that sick bastard? I think that movie was called Showroom Dummy. But anyway, few people know that it actually was a DOCUMENTARY about my friend PARIS HILTON. My favorite movie is Dirty Dancing, which is also a documentary, directed by LENI RIEFENSTAHL. I heart Leni Riefenstahl!

Oh, Catherine Saxton. That lovable childless spinster. Her escort, Marc Bouwer, was dressed that way in order to satisfy Catherine's kinky Don Johnson fetish. Later that night, they dry humped while listening to "You Belong to the City," while Cornelia watched and touched herself. Cornelia always has a halo of fire hovering over her head, which is totally creepy.

Did I tell you I got a new purse today? It is so cute! You can borrow it some time, but only if I can borrow those white shoes with the ribbons on them.

Chappy Morris seemed like a nice guy, and I think he might be one of those men who compete in those "World's Strongest Men" things. 'Cause he and Rick Hilton cornered me some time that evening, and Chappy suggested something about "pulling a train" later on.

I am so proud of Nicky for graduating from Junior High. She said she stuck it out because Vivid Video now has education requirements for its actresses. Vivid star Rena Sindi (Cum On Eileen, My Big Fat Greek Woody) was helping Nicky come up with an exciting new name for her on-screen persona. She suggested "Sandra Day O'Cummer" or "Harriet Beecher McFuckslut."

6/11 - the day that will live in infamy.

Look at my tits, damn you!

-- Jessica Meisels (jessicameisel...)

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because we're 2 real 4 U, bitch-ass nigga
-- Vic (Iodine99...), November 12th, 2003.

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Speaking like yoda, you are
-- Ed (dal...), November 12th, 2003.

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Do you think Bush runs around at G8 summits screaming "stop starting threads about me Horace!"?
-- Huckleberry Mann (handsomishbo...), November 12th, 2003 11:15 AM. (Horace Mann) (later) (link)

Although the Brits did try that once, and now we have Australians...

-- Rob Bolton (i_like_my_vesp...), November 12th, 2003. (Rob Bolton) (later)

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-- Allyzay (spiceu...), November 12th, 2003. (later)

First thing I'm doing when I get home tonight is creating a mix CD that entirely revolves around "Spice Up Your Life" though.

*gareth face*

-- TOMBOT (helpm...), November 12th, 2003. (later)

I used to have this social studies teacher who had this huge spice rack in his classroom, and like without fail every single day, he'd suddenly pull them out, along with his tuna fish sandwich, and then spice up his sandwich, yelling, "Back in the day, spices were traded. Like GOLD. Spices were like GOLD!" Like every fucking day, wtf? He also made us watch his knee surgery which was gross but he was always vaguely out of it which made it much easier for me and a rotating cast of dumb male friends to throw ourselves to the ground and crawl out of the classroom, humming the theme to Mission Impossible.
Still, the spice thing, wtf? Like GOLD? More like he just wanted to eat his fucking sandwich. It was gross, like he couldn't wait the 20 minutes til the end of class?

-- Allyzay (highschoo...), November 12th, 2003. (later)

If by "molest" you mean perform in front of, and by "children" you mean college students at frat parties, and by "you all" you mean my brother, then yes. Yes he did.

-- Sean Thomas (sean_g_thoma...), June 9th, 2003. (link)

well DUH
-- dave q

-- thomas de (triablu...), November 12th, 2003 4:15 PM. (later)

Technotronic is so awful that even Dave Matthew wins a TS duel.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 12th, 2003 4:22 PM. (GeirHong) (later)

TECHNOTRONIC WINS !!!

-- triamaste... (triamaster@yakidk.com), November 12th, 2003 4:25 PM. (later)

well?
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), November 22nd, 2001 8:00 PM. (2 trackbacks)

Answers
man i drank a lotta coffee this morn.
-- jess (dubplatestyl...), November 22nd, 2001 8:00 PM.

It's hard to argue with them there. But see, now I'm curious. Maybe it's dehumanizing but also very "emplating"?

-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), November 12th, 2003. (tracerhand) (later)

"A*****l, are you coming down to dinner?" Cue frantic pulling on of clothes in a maelstrom of activity. The door starts to open and my girlfriend, showing great presence of mind leaps to intercept her father whilst I hop around out of view trying to get my jeans on. Somehow I was dressed in the time it took him to get into the room, he eyed me with suspicion.

"Dad, this is the guy I was telling you about, Matt."

"Pleased to meet you Matt" he said, extending his hand, leaving me with no choice but to give the father of my girlfriend a manly handshake with the hand which had five mintues previously been exploring his daughter's vagina. Eep.

-- Matt (Mat...), November 12th, 2003. (later) (link)

evidence:
"one two three four!" vs. "one two three" vs "one two three four [mumble and count more] 13 MONSTERS! 13 MONSTERS!"

-- gygax! (gygax0...), November 13th, 2003. (tracklink) (later) (link)

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gygax!, you are a total clone of my balls.

thanks!

-- Dean Gulberry (drunken_bastar...), November 13th, 2003. (later) (link)

"This is the thread where I post that you're drunks and everyone else stands up and boos"
-- brian nemtusak (bnemtusa...), November 6th, 2003 11:06 PM.

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), November 13th, 2003

-- Millar (tmilla...), April 13th, 2003 2:52 PM. (Millar) (link)

piercings lady says to tongue man " You put that little pink minke whale in my sweet -hole and it will come out as eviscerated as Walter Mondale in a turbofuck blender form the year 4000"

-- Mike Hanle y (pennyson...), November 13th, 2003.

and i liked how the machines decided to get all creative with their interface with humans. (though its sorta borrowed from the mummy)

i think this is about how it went:

machines: we're going to need to communicate with this neo guy, how you wanna do it?

machine 2: text, definitely text

other machines: hell no bro, that's weak. lets make a big giant spikey head that levitates, and it's face will be dynamic formation of a fleet of centinals. and lets make its voice boom too!

machines: ok, sure. text is boring anyways.

thread title: A kick-azz mixtape

Levellers-One Way
Rotterdam Termination Source-Poing!
Garth Brooks-Friends In Low Places
Ian van Dahl-Castles In the Sky
Joe Strummer And The Mescaleros-Techno D-Day
Madonna-American Life
10cc-Dreadlock Holiday
Republica-Ready To Go
Beat Happening-Christmas
REO Speedwagon-Time For Me To Fly
Wyclef Jean-Gone Till November
Air Supply-Two Less Lonely People In The World
69 Boyz-Tootsie Roll
Shut Up And Dance-Raving I'm Raving
Dixie Chicks-Goodbye Earl
Compulsion-The Answer To Why I Hate You

-- Antmusic78 (bergenrai...), November 13th, 2003 9:08 PM. (Antmusic78)

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Not unless he got the part of the dog in Neighbours.
-- Tim (hopkinsti...), November 13th, 2003. (Tim) (later)

Emily this is the curse placed upon you by "walking Michael" and his "powers"!

-- Dale the Titled (cpre...), November 13th, 2003.

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Hi Everybody ! This Week Is Technotronic :)
-- triamaste... (triamaster@yakidk.com), November 13th, 2003 2:23 PM. (triamaster@yakidk.com)

Answers

it may be a Technotronic week but it's a 49ers year
-- stevem (bluesk...), November 13th, 2003 2:25 PM. (blueski)

"Walking Michael" is a semi-homeless, semi-intelligible Lexingtonian who, well...maybe Emily could explain Walking Michael better than I.

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Yeah, when I think Freud I think "tool" too.
-- Josh (kortbei...), August 14th, 2001.

-- Geir Hongro (geirhon...), November 13th, 2003. (later)

I don't know where that came from, thank fuck.
-- Nick Southall (auspiciousfis...), November 13th, 2003. (Nick Southall) (later)

-- Alex in NYC