Amazon.com's Listmania!

The Murakami one linked from that one is pretty cool, if only because it summarizes Sputnik Sweetheart as "love will tear you apart," which is great :)

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1. If you ask Ned Raggett what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Ned Raggett can kill him and take it.
3. Ned Raggett once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
4. Ned Raggett doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. Ned Raggett lost his virginity before his dad did.
6. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Ned Raggett.
7. Since 1940, the year Ned Raggett was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
8. Ned Raggett is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
9. Ned Raggett does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
10. When Ned Raggett sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Ned Raggett has not had to pay taxes ever.
11. There is no chin behind Ned Raggett' beard. There is only another fist.
12. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Ned Raggett..
13. Crop circles are Ned Raggett's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.
14. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Ned Raggett allows to live.
15. When Ned Raggett goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
16. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Ned Raggett could use to kill you, including the room itself.
17. Ned Raggett has two speeds: walk and kill.
18. Ned Raggett is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
19. When Ned Raggett was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Ned Raggett!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
20. Ned Raggett can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass, at night.
21. It takes Ned Raggett 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
22. Ned Raggett can divide by zero.
23. When Ned Raggett does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
24. Ned Raggett built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
25. Ned Raggett' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
26. Ned Raggett doesn't sleep, he waits.
27. Ned Raggett sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
28. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Ned Raggett has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
29. If you can see Ned Raggett, he can see you. If you can't see Ned Raggett you may be only seconds away from death.
30. Ned Raggett was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
31. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Ned Raggett smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.
32. Ned Raggett died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
33. Ned Raggett got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Ned Raggett for every answer.
34. Ned Raggett appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch.".
35. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Ned Raggett's fist.
36. When Ned Raggett's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Ned Raggett."
37. Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Ned Raggett roundhouse kicked in the face that day.
38. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Ned Raggett. His reasoning? It was more "humane".
39. Ned Raggett is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Indian.
40. Ned Raggett owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

What the...?

I mean, I'm all for taking Chuck's throne and all.