Jesus Doesn't Love You, Mel Gibson

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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/film/3209223.stm

"Actor Jim Caviezel has been struck by lightning while playing Jesus in Mel Gibson's controversial film The Passion Of Christ.

The lightning bolt hit Caviezel and the film's assistant director Jan Michelini while they were filming in a remote location a few hours from Rome."

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Friday, 24 October 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

No more!

― adaml (adaml), Friday, 24 October 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Lightnight Strikes Jesus

― adaml (adaml), Friday, 24 October 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

uh, what? I thought production wrapped on this a while ago. Gibson had been showing it to (sympathetic, friendly) audiences already.

― hstencil, Friday, 24 October 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

The next one of you motherfuckers that starts a whole new thread on this gets lightninged.

― God (nickalicious), Friday, 24 October 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

That post made me v. happy until I realized that it wasn't supposed to be pronounced "lightninja'd"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Friday, 24 October 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

sounds like a new Mega Man villain! "The LightNinja! Be wary, or he'll lightninga your blue helmeted ass!"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

uh, what? I thought production wrapped on this a while ago. Gibson had been showing it to (sympathetic, friendly) audiences already.

they're reshooting the ending after focus groups thought it was "too grim."

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

or because focus groups thought it was "anti-semitic".

― adaml (adaml), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

um, did you miss my joke?

it's the people who haven't seen it that are declaring it anti-semitic.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, in the new ending, Jesus is able to kill Martin Brando and escape with the surfer dude.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

then the pet monkey absconds with the wine and everyone has a laugh.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Is the monkey perchance Dunstan?

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

no. Dunstan was killed off before the opening credits.

instead, it is Son of Dunstan.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Trailer voice over: "THEY KILLED HIS FATHER. ONLY THE SON OF GOD CAN HELP HIM FIND REVENGE."

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 24 October 2003 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Jim Caveziel is

SON OF ~~GOD~~ KONG

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 24 October 2003 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

In the crypt He sleeps...but not for long!

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Friday, 24 October 2003 22:07 (twenty-two years ago)

EXT. NAZARINE JUNGLE, NIGHT.

MARY MAGDALENE awakens, looks around her. With a start, she realizes she is lying in Jesus's giant, pierced palm. She stifles a scream.

JESUS' dewy eyeball, about a foot in diameter, appears behind MARY. He lets out a sympathetic groan.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 24 October 2003 22:11 (twenty-two years ago)

EXT. DOWNTOWN BETHLEHEM, DAY.

JESUS is climbing up the temple tower, in fright.

PONTUS PILATE appears with assorted Romans and Jews on the street below. He cups his hand to his mouth and calls to Jesus.

PONTUS: Jesus, come down. There's nowhere for you to go now. I promise we won't hurt you.

JESUS emits a frightened but defiant growl, and shakes his fist at the onlookers.

An emergency chariot rumbles by, sirens blazing.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 24 October 2003 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

The film's climax:

JESUS, in a rage, begins climbing the Tower of Babel. SERAPHIM fly around him, attacking.

XPOST AMATEURIST YOU TOO FAST MANG

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 24 October 2003 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

BEST THREAD EVER

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 25 October 2003 01:45 (twenty-two years ago)

THE SECOND COMING

Jesus is returning ... and this time, he's gonna kick some ass!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Saturday, 25 October 2003 02:53 (twenty-two years ago)

SWEET JESUS'S BADAAAAAAAS SONG

... this time, he's really gonna raise some hell!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Saturday, 25 October 2003 02:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Jegli

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 25 October 2003 02:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my sides.

― Trayce (trayce), Saturday, 25 October 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

now that everyone's got their Lord Custos impersonations out of their systems, can someone give me the reason why they're still filming? Anything that causes ol' Mel to waste more of his money is fine, but I'm sorta interested to know what's up.

― hstencil, Saturday, 25 October 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

since when did Custos have a patent on this?

Jesus Has Returned...and this time, HE'S PISSED.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 25 October 2003 06:35 (twenty-two years ago)

wow was it that bad hstencil?

sorry...

― amateurist (amateurist), Saturday, 25 October 2003 10:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"Just when you thought it was safe to come out of the tomb . . ."

― Johnney B, Saturday, 25 October 2003 10:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus 2: Electric Jewgaloo

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Saturday, 25 October 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

OH NO

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 25 October 2003 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Christ in Africa

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Saturday, 25 October 2003 12:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh DEAR.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 25 October 2003 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Mind you, this does remind me of the time when DB and I and some friends came up with the somewhat more blasphemous version of Magic: The Gathering called Christ: The Execution. We figured it would be hard to market.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 25 October 2003 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

wow was it that bad hstencil?

well it just wasn't that funny. I'm certainly not offended in the least, of course.

Then again, I like that joke that goes "What does INRI stand for," so whatever.

― hstencil, Saturday, 25 October 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

what does it stand for?

i get carried away sometimes, there's nothing that makes me feel more like a schlump than being loudly unfunny. so i appreciate the criticism.

― amateurist (amateurist), Saturday, 25 October 2003 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

the INRI on the cross above Jesus' head stands for:

I'M NAILED RIGHT IN

(sorry)

― hstencil, Saturday, 25 October 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I am soooo going to steal that for one of my religious studies classes!

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 25 October 2003 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't know about Mel Gibson, but isn't his dad a well-acknowledged anti-Semite and Holocaust denier?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 25 October 2003 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

yep.
they may be redoing the ending, dealing with some of the anti semite stuff

― anthony easton (anthony), Sunday, 26 October 2003 02:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus Doesn't Want Mel Gibson for a Sunbeam

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 26 October 2003 08:39 (twenty-two years ago)

yep.
they may be redoing the ending, dealing with some of the anti semite stuff

jesus marries a nice jewish girl and they settle down to grow olives.

― Ed (dali), Sunday, 26 October 2003 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

If the original was too grim, is the reshot version going to be called Ascension Fun-Day?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

funny when your joke turns out not to be a joke.

― amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

The altered cut will have more narration and a "happy ending" with Jesus driving off into the sunset with Rachel.

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

starring Richard Gere as Jesus

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 26 October 2003 16:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think they're still filming, it was just a poorly written article, I think this stuff happened when they *were* filming last year.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Sunday, 26 October 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

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