Strange ideas you had about sex when you were young

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Not that strange, but I remember being worried in sex education lessons about a woman apparently having THREE holes - how would I find the right one?! Far stranger was my friend's idea that sperm was a kind of gas that could impregnate women without contact. I didn't believe him but he seem convinced.

― Freedom Dupont, Sunday, 26 October 2003 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember thinkign that sex had to last exactly fifteen minutes.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 October 2003 09:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought that impregnation happened when a man and a woman used the same toilet in quick succession. Someone had told me that the man actually had to put his penis *inside* a woman, but I didn't believe this because it just sounded too foul and preposterous - wouldn't it *hurt*?

― caitlin (caitlin), Sunday, 26 October 2003 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

that isn't a woman, Freedom Dupont, it's a female kangaroo!

or any marsupial come to that...how do I know these things? ahem.

when I was a small child I thought a man used his finger to pentrate a woman and deposited his seed onto that. I seem to remember my mother being appalled at my stupidity and thought that the shapes of the sexual organs made the mechanics of sex obvious.

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 26 October 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

i swear i've answered this same thread question before but searching doesnt turn anything up. oh well, my weirdest belief was probably about condoms... i imagined them to be colourful plastic penis shaped cages, like dog muzzles. quite thick, with lots of holes - how they were supposed to work i didn't know... probably like some kind of magic charm.

― minna (minna), Sunday, 26 October 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

you have not yet had enough sex.

― David. (Cozen), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

go on more first dates!

― David. (Cozen), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought that people were required to marry someone when they got to a certain age, as in required by law or something. So I decided I wanted to marry a gay man so that we wouldn't have to kiss. Although I'm not really sure I understood the concept of homosexuality at that point. Earlier than this, I thought that you could marry anyone or anything, as in your dog, your sister, your friend.

― Blood and sparkles (bloodandsparkles), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I imagined that cum looked like rice pudding.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't have ANY ideas about sex at all. I have a feeling that I just plucked knowledge about sex straight out of the collective subconscious at some point in my early teens - before that, the concept had not even crossed my mind.

― Johnney B, Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I almost convinced myself at the age of 15 that sex didn't actually happen and was a kind of malicious version of the Father Christmas myth, i.e. adults knew it wasn't real but teenage boys fervently believed it was.

― Mark C (Mark C), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

It's not the kids/adults paradigm - it's the single/not single one! Sex definitely hasn't existed at all for anyone ever in the last five weeks or so. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm going to adopt Mark C's philosophy.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Sunday, 26 October 2003 16:32 (twenty-two years ago)

This isn't directly about sex, but I used to think that the color of someone's skin was due to where geographically that person was born. I think this was due to someone telling me that black people have darker skin because they are born in Africa and it's a natural defense against the heat of the sun. Hence, I believed that two white parents could have a black baby if he were conceived near the equator and that two black people would have a white baby were he conceived in Maine.

― j c, Sunday, 26 October 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

What Tracer said.

― adaml (adaml), Sunday, 26 October 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

OMG Mark C that's completely brilliant. I'm so going to steal that.

All I remember is when I was five finding out the basics of a man putting his penis in a woman's vagina and thinking it was totally yucky.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Sunday, 26 October 2003 18:04 (twenty-two years ago)

i *still* don't get the "cross-section" shown of women's anatomy in health textbooks--i mean who can relate their own anatomy to *that*?
Where's the other leg??!!!

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 26 October 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was about 10 or 11, I stumbled across a copy of Playboy (or something similar) in my teenage brother's bedroom. I was curious, and read one of the 'erotic fiction' stories therein (despite the fact I didn't understand any of it).

It had a very vague description of a man performing oral sex on a woman, and I remember reading something about 'his tongue was writhing about between her thighs like a fish caught in a net' and I was very very alarmed. For a long time afterwards, I thought that fish were an integral part of having sex, and I wasn't too keen on that idea.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 26 October 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Probably the strangest illusion I had about sex was that oen day lots of people would want to have it with me and what's more make it very clear that this was the case. I kidn of still labour under it.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 October 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

My mate told me that to get a woman pregnant you had to jump up and down on her exactly 100 times.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Sunday, 26 October 2003 20:12 (twenty-two years ago)

i was hit with that 'miracle of life' episode of Nova pretty young, so i didn't have too many misconceptions (har) which i'm kind of disappointed about, really.

however i do remember asking my parents at about age 4, 'when do i get to do LONG kisses?' i figured that was pretty much it.

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Sunday, 26 October 2003 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"84, 85, 86, wait was that 86 or 87? Are we on 87? Sigh.... 1, 2, 3, 4...."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 26 October 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

All I remember is when I was five finding out the basics of a man putting his penis in a woman's vagina and thinking it was totally yucky.

There's one Saturday Night Live sketch from the Seventies that comes to mind here....

I remember hearing about men "getting on top" of a woman and picturing men sitting on top of women's shoulders.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Sunday, 26 October 2003 22:04 (twenty-two years ago)

The only one I can think of was thinking that gay men had sex by rubbing their bottoms against each other! :-/ No idea where that one came from.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 26 October 2003 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

I think my mom told me all about how everything works about as soon as I was old enough to understand the words she was saying. Is 2-3 years old too young to know about all that stuff?

― Dan I, Sunday, 26 October 2003 22:06 (twenty-two years ago)

nope, my parents did the same to me. It was certainly nice to always know and not be confused about it.

― teeny (teeny), Sunday, 26 October 2003 22:24 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was 11 or 12 I had no idea how on earth blokes actually ejaculated, and occasionally worried that when I finally got round to doing it for real I wouldn't know how to.

Oh, and what Tracer said, except with toothpaste. I suspect these two misconceptions were related in some way.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Sunday, 26 October 2003 22:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Here is one myth that many of you still beleive, a bigger penis is better, Not so, at all! For one thing, if a small penis cannot satisfy a woman, then how the hell does a finger satisfy her?

― But Whole, Monday, 27 October 2003 00:16 (twenty-two years ago)

i believe merleau-ponty devoted several volumes to that exact question.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 October 2003 00:18 (twenty-two years ago)

in the very early nineties there were a lot of ads on the radio about preventing AIDS. All I knew was that AIDS was a disease and, as the radio had warned me, you should "always use a condom". I assumed a condom was a machine you had in your house like a burglar alarm that disspelled AIDS germs in the air. I once remember nearly asking my mother if our family used a condom.

― dog latin, Monday, 27 October 2003 01:36 (twenty-two years ago)

A finger is more dextrous than a penis.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 October 2003 02:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Not in anime pr0n it isnt!

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 27 October 2003 02:20 (twenty-two years ago)

You are tempting the NSFW picture posting gods, Trayce!

― Dan I., Monday, 27 October 2003 03:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Oops, I was just about to post "It's a matter of dexterity" with regard to the penis/finger question. Crazy mind sync moment!

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 27 October 2003 04:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember I used to think that children were always in the mother and they knew to come out when they heard wedding bells. Obviously this logic is highly flawed but I was 3 years old people!

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 27 October 2003 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

but a finger cannot get in very deep! So basically what you are saying is that deep penetration is not neccessary,so a short stubby penis is better than a long skinny one!

― But Whole, Monday, 27 October 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember thinking that sperm would be pink, a bit like blancmange.

― darren (darren), Monday, 27 October 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

i had a primary school friend who thought that the act of cunnilingus was properly called rape. as a seven year old, i was under the impression that masturbating would make me grow up to be a bad wife.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 27 October 2003 10:02 (twenty-two years ago)

(had no idea HOW it would make one a bad wife, i'd just misheard my brother and his friends talking about it)

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Monday, 27 October 2003 10:03 (twenty-two years ago)

But Whole is obviously very good with his/her finger. Is one finger in the front bottom really as good as a penis of any size? Ladies?

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 27 October 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

When I was about 3, I was in a London cab with my family, and I apparently very loudly and confidently asked my dad "Have you got three balls, because you've had three children?"

I honestly thought I'd only be able to have two kids, one for each testicle, as if the ball itself *were*, like, half a baby or something.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 27 October 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I second Mark Cs question. This is an important point that we blokes have to know.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Monday, 27 October 2003 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Also (and I'm cringing already) the 1st time I went down on a girl I couldn't find it. I mean, I couldn't find anything, just hair. She had to push my head down another couple of inches. I'd thought that girls' bits were at the same level as boys', though obviously, the tadger is relatively much higer up the body. Gah!

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 27 October 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

There was this kids' sex ed book when I was about nine (ie old enough to find the following stupid and childish) which was fine with saying "penis" but "vagina" was RIGHT OUT - in favour of "baby-making hole". Clarse.

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Monday, 27 October 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember thinking vaginas went "in". imagine my suprise when I noticed they go out like a banana! and they have two hanging "life pods" to carry sparm.

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Monday, 27 October 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I imagined that cum looked like rice pudding.

This is the single most disgusting thing I've ever read on ILX. I don't know quite why this is revolting me so much, but I'm like ready to throw up all over myself because of this post. So I'm reposting it, obviously.

Re: Finger: Not better. Sorry, u r all SOOL.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Also: short stubby penis: Not better. Sorry, u r all etc.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, not all of us.

― haha, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

I was once convinced that the HIV virus came from a man having sex with a monkey.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

*Makes mental note to revive this thread at an inopportune moment in 12 months time*

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 61 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Combine this with still thinking about the rice pudding thing and god, I kind of wish I wsa dead right now.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

arrrrghhh enough with the rice pudding!!!

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I remember thinking that sperm would be pink, a bit like blancmange
Is that anymore acceptable Ally?

And 'front bottom' is a terrible way to describe it!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

A butt in the front describes the shape made by a particular fat distribution on the tummy.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Gah that sounds disgusting too.

"Front bottom" is a horrible term, I mean "bottom" is a bad enough term, it sounds like you should have "toot toot toot" cockney music going on and you should couple it with "guv'nor".

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah a gunt.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

*shudders*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

TS: "gunt" vs "front-butt"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Bad & badder!
The whole point about calling it a 'front bottom' is that it sounds like a child's name for it. Like I'm sure if you were in the throws of passion with a guy & he made reference to your fanny/mini/ladybits or insert any other childish names as opposed to cunt or pussy the moment would end there.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

You're all going to burn in hell for this.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"Yeah... lemme see your hoo-hoo, baby..."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Xpost btw, Pinkpanther is totally OTM, there are rules about these things, I mean imagine a girl is going down on you and calls your piece a "wee-wee" or something like that, wtf?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

what about bean? tickle your bean. stretch your onion. punch your balloon knot.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I am never having sex again because of this thread, btw.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

although I prefer honeypot.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread should be mandatory in all sex ed classes.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

PinkP is so OTM but she wrote the f word *shudders*. I fucking hate that word with a passion and any man who ever said it to me would SUFFER

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm gonna savage your whoopsie!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

x-post to ALLY
Yup! The bloke would be entitled to slap her round the face with it!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

it was indeed to prove my point smee, that word shall never be uttered again from me.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm slapping you in the face with my fireman!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

do people still say boner?

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"rub my boner". now thats sexy.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I love fanny. This works on so many levels.

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Are you single?
x-post

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Here is where I repost the "I think I've got a boner..." story.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Moderators please delete Mark C

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Smee, of all the things to have a phobia about. Have you ever met a person with that name? Did you kill her?

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I would. I fucking hate that word!

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I had a friend who's nickname was Sh@nny f@nny f@rt! It always used to make me cringe, needless to say I never called her this!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Ohmygod I feel ill!

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry smee, if it makes you feel better, punch Mark C!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:04 (twenty-two years ago)

boner
http://www.theescapist.com/Andrew_Koenig.JPG

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:10 (twenty-two years ago)

US fanny vs UK fanny

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Both are wrong!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:19 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.lostdivas.co.uk/images/mpride.gif

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

(Tracer, i thought it was more like whipped cream when i was first told... never thought of eclairs the same ever since)

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

get out, get out, i refuse to let you ruin eclairs for me aaarrrrrggghhhh!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.monica.com.br/ingles/mauricio/cronicas/images/pudding.jpg
http://www.dianasdesserts.com/assets/managed/recipes/Blancmange_2A.jpg
http://www.feuillantine.fr/images/eclair.jpg

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

"I'm slapping you in the face with my fireman!"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the worst thing anyone's ever said in regards to sex ever.

I wasn't really sure what a facial was when I was like 12 or 13.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Unless of course you read it as 'forearm'!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

That'd be really bad but in a different way.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Unless they were trying to say that their "wee-wee" was as big as a forearm, which would be totally horrifying.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

A 'baby's arm'?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

THERE IS SUCH A THING AS GOOD BIG AND BAD BIG AND THAT IS ALL I AM GOING TO SAY.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

You guys are fucked up.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

that is all you are going to shout, you mean.

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks PinkP - Mark C, I punch you *runs away*

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Tracer & all you other gross motherfuckers, take this:

cunnilingus alfredo

― TOMBOT, Friday, 31 October 2003 02:44 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

I just reread the rice pudding thing and almost died.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 4 December 2003 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

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