Thoughts on the American Man-Purse

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I'm seeing more and more man-purses everyday. The functionality aspect makes sense, but there is a certain American machismo which prevents widespread adoption. Maybe there is a good metrosexual term for this, but I'm unfamiliar with it. Even 'man bag' seems like tipping your hand a bit, trying to masculinize a inherently feminine accessory.

At the bar the other night some friends and I were trying to come up with a workable name. The best I could come up with was 'cock bag'. This takes man bag to its logically hilarious extreme effectively short-circuiting any kind of sex-bias judgement call. What say you?

Also: C/D

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

example picture please!

― Skottie, Monday, 27 October 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

You prob'ly already know full well that I'm on the "classic" side of the man-purse ("murse") divide, dude.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Taking sides: Man-Purses vs. the more ubiquitous (in indie boy circles) Record Bag?!??!

― kate (kate), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

And if it were wanting some kinda mainstream American-man acceptance, it would have be marketed as functionality-as-primary-objective, ie it would sell well as something like "ALL PURPOSE MASCULINE UTILITY CARRY-ALL".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, but it needs to be one or two syllables to be effective.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

please, people, it's referred to in polite circles as the "Man Sack", you know, like for carrying groceries & stuff

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

If you need to have more stuff with you than you can carry in your pockets, you are not a real man. On my person at all times: wallet, keys, cellphone. What else would I possibly need? What would necessitate a purse?

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

If you need a man-purse, why not just go all the way and carry a baby to term in your uterus?

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Rekkid bags -- Do indie boyz still do that? I usedta. Had a big 'Screamadelica' thing painted on the side. For shame.

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.cube-interactive.net/images/metal_briefcase.jpg

― TOMBOT, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

What would necessitate a purse?
tampons? oh...wait...

― Skottie, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

bagosaurus!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.notempo.com/pavement/images/marcjacbosad2.jpg

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.notempo.com/pavement/images/marcjacobsad.jpg

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Well Malkmus needs one to carry his ego around, obv.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I like that all the American murses are gigantic though, like they know that men don't carry wussy shit like chapstick and tampons and need to go wholehog carrying around like days worth of changes of clothes and whole BOXES of condoms and there's even a side cooler compartment for beer & meat.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I love my satchel.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Alternatives to the Man-Purse for the real man:
* An SUV.
* A black plastic Hefty bag.
* A bandana tied to the end of a stick hobo-style.
* Raver pants.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

FUCK.

I thought that photo of Malk was of me aged 17. it's flipping uncanny. Heart attack!

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

* Raver pants

"real man?" WTF raver pants != real man on my planet. Now if you want to bust out a pair of boot-cut carhart work denims that is of course completely acceptable and much more pragmatic.

― TOMBOT, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom's post: Steel briefcase with handcuff is another alternative.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Real Men Don't Eat Quiche But Do Wear Raver Pants

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

(xpost) Perhaps you meant cargo pants?

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Real Men need raver pants and cosby sweaters.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Real men need raver pants to contain their enormous cocks.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

True.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to meet a real man with a badanana on a stick hobo-style.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Real men need raver pants to contain their enormous cocks.

Funk that. My enormous cock fits quite well in this steel case, too.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

a pair of boot-cut carhart work denims

is this tight jeans talk i'm hearin' ?

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

The one person I dated who owned raver pants was quite obviously not using them to carry an enormous cock, unless he had a spare one he just carried around.

Why do I keep posting about dick today? Anyway Nick is totally OTM about the hobo stick.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

the one person i knew who had raver pants had a 5 " cock so again, that assertion has been disproven

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

5" WHEN ERECT i might add

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

The only person I've ever known who wore raver pants was a girl and she was hawtt.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF Vic, did you stand there with a ruler and wait for it? Maybe he was nervous, what with you standing there screaming "HURRY UP! HURRY UP! IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO!" the entire time.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

And that's supposed to be an abnormal size, Vic?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

surprisingly enough, i'm the first to mention "mangina" on this thread. but somehow, i know that i'm not alone in having "mangina" pop into me head when reading this thread's header.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:14 (twenty-two years ago)

who was the photographer of the marc jacobs malkmus pics upthread?

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the point is that 5" is not an "enormous cock", Nichole.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:15 (twenty-two years ago)

surprisingly enough, i'm the first to mention "mangina" on this thread. but somehow, i know that i'm not alone in having "mangina" pop into me head when reading this thread's header.

YES YOU ARE oh wait, I forgot about Yanc3y.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

hey! nichole i was responding to
Real men need raver pants to contain their enormous cocks.

- and 5" is not enormous if you're over puberty age, no?

And, um, I wasn't using a ruler or anything, but during this encounter I'll be the first to admit I was whispering (not screaming) "IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO"...

..the problem indeed was that he hurried up a bit too much!!!

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I knew someone who was 6'8", weighed in at a good 300, and he was packing a whopping 4".

I feel your pain, Vic.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

When does a laptop bag become a murse?

And why has laptop bags fallen behind pulling a freaking cart behind oneself in terms of business trends?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Gygax, I think it was Juergen Teller.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, you don't really need a ruler to recognize a 5" penis when you see one.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

All I am saying is I've seen far smaller.

― Allyzay, Monday, 27 October 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

and 5" is not enormous if you're over puberty age, no?

Unfortunately, it's not. Could he make up for it with inventive use of his fingers, though?

I think the point is that 5" is not an "enormous cock", Nichole.

(I guessed that, Ally; I couldn't help making a sarky point, though it obv. went flat.)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

he was very self-conscious about it too and at one point, i shit you not, even asked "is it big enough for you," and erm em argh argh erm aahhhh this is an emotionally bad thing for me to recall now and partially what i have to stop thinking about and why i started the disturbed thread!! i'm just going to go shower now and think of Casuistry's murse, and feel better

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks Nicolars!

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

How do we find sex within man-purses?;> (Hijacking back to former topic)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 27 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 146 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

well, there's always the term, "pencil dick"

i leave it to you to consider whether it'd be a #2 or a mechanical.

http://www.schev.edu/images/No2pencil.jpg http://www.cleansweepsupply.com/pictures/standard/zmis9283.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh does it matter?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

ARE YOU SAYING YOU WOULD SEX WITH ROBOT!?!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:16 (twenty-two years ago)

why not? it worked for Frank Zappa!
http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drf200/f294/f29412iffzd.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 22:17 (twenty-two years ago)

i think that was a toaster

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 01:26 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHA! That pencil dick image will be lodged in my nightmares tonight. Damn.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 01:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i thought it was a Telefunken U47?

http://www.voice-overs.net/mics/u47.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:07 (twenty-two years ago)

http://side7.gundam.com/the_gundam_box/reviews/zeta03.jpg
That looks familiar

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:10 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF do either of those pictures have to do with deepthroating microscopic penises, I wonder??? Jesus, stay on topic.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay now I'm imagining some dude coming in my mouth except these .5mm pieces of lead are shooting into my cheeks and they STING.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it's like that.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:24 (twenty-two years ago)

WTF do either of those pictures have to do with deepthroating microscopic penises, I wonder

tweren't my fault.

twas mr noodles who doubted.

altho, these are more microPHONIC penises, as it were. Instead of just gagging you as you deep-throat them, they also amplify your gagging sounds, so that they may be broadcast all 'round the nation and to the armed forces across the seas! buy war bonds!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:27 (twenty-two years ago)

What I have learned from this thread:

1) Chris has sex with porn robots that shoot lead.
2) Vic chokes on dicks.
3) Boys are so against the concept of the man purse that they would rather talk about deep throating each other.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:35 (twenty-two years ago)

not me! i like my satchel!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

well, there's always the term, "pencil dick"

i leave it to you to consider whether it'd be a #2 or a mechanical.

Or one of these?
http://www.greatbigstuff.com/prodpics/pencil-dt.jpg

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

BTW I just wanted to point out that this entire thread went to shit because of NA and his raver pants. Further proof that ravers are the work of the unholy.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Or one of these?

what, a 12 inch pianist?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 02:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry, what wouldn't I rather talk about than boys deepthroating each other?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

frogs deepthroating each other?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

http://home.pacbell.net/bettychu/2003allbreedbisris/skylar_-_4_(2).jpg

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

How big was the cat that coughed that up?

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:01 (twenty-two years ago)

so I take it tote bags, when worn/carried by men, do not count?

and are these men-purses acceptable because of their gym-bag size?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 06:23 (twenty-two years ago)

No. They are not acceptable.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 13:37 (twenty-two years ago)

well, yes. but to other people.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I do not like the man-purse. There isn't anything worse. If you can't live without it, you're bogged down with too much shit.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Right. When the shit goes down, do you really want to be standing there going, "Now where did I leave my purse?" No go, amigo.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I always make Nick carry my keys and wallet and phone when I don't feel like carrying my purse. I hardly ever have pockets. It's time for him to carry the purse!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

however, I firmly believe in the "bag"

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

i carry my satchel around, mainly b/c it has my meds & cds in it.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

If I don't carry the murse, where the hell else am I gonna put all my masculine hygene products?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you considered the ass?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

but the ass can only hold so much shit, and the Patent Office rejected my claim for the "Magical Kingfish Ass Shelf", so we're no longer going into production on those...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Yesterday, I walked past a homeless man with his affects tied up in a plastic bag slung over his shoulder on a stick; hobo stylee.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

That is SO derelict.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

It wasn't even a real stick. It looked like a salvaged table or nightstand leg. Even so, it was HIS stick!

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, keeping this thread in mind, "affects" seemed like a really odd euphemism.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

A better one would be "Afflecks."

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Hey, baby, do you wanna play with my Afflecks? That one's Ben and the other one's Casey."

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.museum.tv/archives/etv/B/htmlB/bencasey/bencaseyIMAGE/bencasey.jpg

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Man. Woman. Birth. Death. Balls.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.lickbike.com/3726.gif
This doesn't count. I really do use it to carry my clothes and other stuff on my ride to work, but my wife still calls it my man purse.

― David Beckhouse (David Beckhouse), Thursday, 30 October 2003 23:23 (twenty-two years ago)

But tis a striking man-purse!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 30 October 2003 23:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I do not like the man-purse. There isn't anything worse. If you can't live without it, you're bogged down with too much shit.

Hey, this rhymes! I imagine Dan putting out a Dr. Seuss-like book decrying the man-purse.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 30 October 2003 23:43 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

this thread made me want a blowjob

― MY FAVOURITE LIGHTER IS CHEESEBURGER (trigonalmayhem), Monday, 24 January 2005 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The answer is 'No'.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:11 (twenty-one years ago)

The question is "you wouldn't refuse me a blowjob, would you?"

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 24 January 2005 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

but but

I have a man-purse!
I'm comfortable in my sexuality!

I won't even push your head down and make you choke!

― MY FAVOURITE LIGHTER IS CHEESEBURGER (trigonalmayhem), Monday, 24 January 2005 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

is there a way of autosummarizing this? that or a good recommendation for acceptable change-receptacles.

― banriquit, Wednesday, 18 June 2008 22:19 (seventeen years ago)

a good recommendation for acceptable change-receptacles.

pockets.

― chicago kevin, Wednesday, 18 June 2008 23:40 (seventeen years ago)

Just get shoulder bags, the ones that cross over your body. They have all the style and urban cool of a what a man purse (murse) THINKS it has but are actually acceptable in sartorial sense. They are the natural progression from your backpack wearing student days or if you want to be ahead of the fashion pack and are still a student START WEARING ONE NOW, YOU WILL GET LAID MORE. PLUS you can get them in leather which lots of types of men (and woman)love. Pockets are stupid because they get holes in them or if you jiggle too much stuff falls out.

― VeronaInTheClub, Thursday, 19 June 2008 00:11 (seventeen years ago)

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