Does your vulnerability/sensitivity piss you off?

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I'm angry with myself for allowing someone I don't know provoke feelings of self-doubt, negativity and hurt. I'm so pissed off that my ego is THAT fragile. Even though I know others like me, I've allowed one person, who is hiding behind an alias, get to me. Christ, what is that about? I'm aware those feelings must have been there to begin with and that person just tapped into them but how does one become more resilient? I know it's not possible to be liked by everyone, but fuck's sake, why am I so deeply affected by the negative pop by an anonymous poster despite knowing that lots of others wouldn't feel this way about me? Does this happen to anyone else?

Oh yeah, and fuck this internet malarkey, it's driving me crazy in many ways.

― fragile_shame, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 22:18 (twenty-two years ago)

That's just rude that someone would hide behind an alias and smear you.

The weird thing is that this person who lives five blocks from me has been doing the same thing to me on another board, so I share your pain.

I don't think you're being too sensitive - it's a little unnerving, because it's so malicious and cowardly.

― Kerry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I wish I knew! I let myself be hurt by too many silly and ultimately inconsequential things like that.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 22:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, is covering up your vulnerability or hurt a good thing? I've used another name to post this message because I don't want others to know I've been affected. This is probably silly too but I like to give the impression that I'm strong, self-contained and fairly together and I feel I would be in some way, admitting weakness if I let others know how deeply affected I am.

Bugger (also, this pertains to another messageboard)

― fragile_shame, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 22:33 (twenty-two years ago)

There's no shame in being vulnerable and strong. at the same time. Balancing it is an art

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 00:06 (twenty-two years ago)

This is probably silly too but I like to give the impression that I'm strong, self-contained and fairly together and I feel I would be in some way, admitting weakness if I let others know how deeply affected I am.

Honey, if only you knew how close to home this statement hit....

What I would suggest you do is gather your closest friends around (whether IRL or virtually), spill and vent, get those all-important wise words and general advice, and try as hard as you can to implement them or to use the words as your personal mantras.

And yes, it's very hard to admit weakness if you're like, well, we are. I know I would like to be thought of as a super-strong human being who can handle just about anything that comes my way, but the truth is that I can't, and sometimes I need that assistance to help me make it through something. Lord knows what I'd do without the two or three people whom I turn to on a regular basis for assistance in re: various issues that pop up in my life.

But I would still never even dream of taking any of the truly serious problems I have and posting on about them in a public forum. I would consider that too personal, not to mention too much of a sign of weakness.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 00:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I have found many a time, more so in the past than now, where comments from people online I don't even know have hurt to the point I've been in tears. I've had girls from other states who never met me start rumours about me on IRC because they decided for some reason I was a bitch and didn't like me. I never did find out why, but a lot of damage was done. Why'd they DO that? I didn't even know them! It was so frustrating and made me very paranoid and hurt.

Here too, silly things have stung me, I won't say what because I semi-asked for the comment in question and the person-who-said-it's ego will proabbly get puffed by hearing he hit home so sod that; but yeah.

It sucks. I found just thinking "well they DONT know me, so HOW can it really affect me?" the only way to let it matter less. If that's any help at all...

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 01:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Here too, silly things have stung me

Me too, but I just have to go with 'fuck it'.

(Also, no, it wasn't me who posted this, despite what 7 of you apparently think).

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 01:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, Luna, you weren't who I thought posted this thread (although I think my guess is wrong).

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

It's easy to let this happen. The problem is when you are stuck to being strong, self-contained, with it person all the time, like proverbial (ha ha) rock I suppose. You end up stuck in this resentment trap, even with people you care about, where your sensitivity makes you think they aren't really caring about your problems or thoughts that much, that they are self-centered, but your stalewort nature allows them to "ignore" your problems--ie you don't make your issues an issue for anyone else because you don't want to inconvenience them.

It sucks because you end up feeling very alone. You'd be better off just publicly blowing up, I think, because you'd feel a bit better.

― anon poster, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:00 (twenty-two years ago)

John Anderson, "I Wish I Could Have Been There"

When our baby Kate was born, it was the biggest day of my life
Lyin' there, little bows in her hair, in the lovin' arms of my wife
I was the proudest papa in the U.S.A.,
Makin' a living on the road somewhere a thousand miles away
It was a happy day, but kinda sad
I wish I could've been there,
I wish I could've been there
I wish I could've been there for that

Little Bobby hit his first homerun, he was the hero of the hometown crowd
Two to one, it was the winning run, everybody was cheerin' loud
Mama, she was smilin' and sayin' he's a chip off of the old block But I was on the road somewhere between Memphis and Little Rock
It was a happy day, but kinda sad
I wish I could've been there
I wish I could've been there for that

Now Bobby and Kate are all grown up and moved away;
They stay in touch, we're proud of the good kids that we raised
It's hard to believe we're celebratin' our 25th year today;
This party's nice, but the kids aren't here; at least they called to say:
"Congratulations, Mom and Dad"
Wish we could've been there;
wish we could've been there
I wish we could've been there for that
It was a happy day, but kinda sad,
I wish they could've been there
I wish they could've been there
I wish they could've been there for that.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate it that I seem to be incapable of having an emotionally intense conversation (positive or negative) without weeping. The tears don't mean that I'm upset. Or that I am happy. Or anything. They just start coursing down my cheeks and whom ever I am talking with ends-up thinking that they've upset me. It's even happened at work. Yuck.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i worry about this too but less and less often online. It has happened, though, that someone has casually slighted a point of mine or made an off the cuff remark or even corrected my spelling (!) and it has affected me - it's madness!

― jed (jed_e_3), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 10:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I support West Ham. It's hard sometimes in the post Di Canio era and on occasions I feel it all building up and I want to scream. The defeats at Gillingham and Rotherham left me feeling numb and the lack of a creative midfielder brings tears to my eyes. Kevin Horlock? I don't think so, sonny.

Is this what you mean?

― Mikey G (Mikey G), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 10:37 (twenty-two years ago)

why am I so deeply affected by the negative pop by an anonymous poster despite knowing that lots of others wouldn't feel this way about me?

Because you're human. You're hurt and you can't help feeling like crap when someone's being unfair to you.

Even when most of us feel the need to be in total control of our emotions and feelings and try to get away with it, there's always a chance that when we're less expecting it, something happens to bite back at us. I think at one point or another each one of us has felt affected by the anon post in which our ego is badly hit. Engaging in an epic online battle or kicking a punching bag is your call. But by all means, let it out.

Me, for example, I've always been quite Victorian in my hiding feelings technique, but that's not always the healthiest choice, because then I let out the steam bursting into tears for the silliest things in the most awful and embarrassing way. ::shudder!::

― Miggie (Miggie), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm Passing Open Windows -- I feel your pain. I'm the same way. And damn, do I hate that awful, girly side of me. Ugh.

― Miggie (Miggie), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I kinda know what needs to be done - stop concentrating on the negative and focus on all the positive stuff, but I'm finding it desperately difficult to do this. I've spent the last 24 hours being consumed by it and the irritation with myself over giving so much head space to it, is doing my nut in. I know the theory but I'm not applying it. It's all well and good for counsellors/psychotherpists to give the "don't wear your buttons on the outside or don't allow others to dictate your self-view" but jesus, the reality is that we do, sorry, 'I' do. How do you learn not to be affected? What do you need to do to safeguard against this kind of thing? What do those of you here who don't get affected by negative shit thrown at you do to stop the crap from sticking?

― fragile_shame, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Definitely pisses me off. I'm too willing to expose it, and I think most people find it unpleasant and disconcerting.

― ChrissieH (chrissie1068), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:31 (twenty-two years ago)

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