The thread for mildly off-putting compliments

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You have a sweet mouth, boy.

― colin s barrow (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 02:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Daaaaamn, girl!

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 02:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"You have definitely got a lot of booooot-tay."

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 02:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Your hair is really really black like oil.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:00 (twenty-two years ago)

You're really...different.

― Sarah Pedal (call mr. lee), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:03 (twenty-two years ago)

You're so much nicer than other guys! Are you sure you're not gay?

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I just meant you looked like a junkie

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:05 (twenty-two years ago)

That last one doesn't count and should be stricken from record immediately.

― ALlyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:06 (twenty-two years ago)

You've heard of heroin chic?

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:07 (twenty-two years ago)

That went out of style years ago, it is officially stricken. Sorry. Try again!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:08 (twenty-two years ago)

this is so much better than jacking off into raw liver

(oh you said *mildly* sorry my mistake)

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:10 (twenty-two years ago)

how do i look?

very good - i must say i'm amazed.

....

― jed (jed_e_3), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:13 (twenty-two years ago)

That went out of style years ago, it is officially stricken. Sorry. Try again

[yawns]

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:22 (twenty-two years ago)

After singing a solo at a gig in college, one of my (black) colleagues was told by a middle-aged woman "You have the most amazing voice! You sound just like Aaron Neville!"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Man, lady, your hips are great for child-breeding.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I heard something along those lines too once. "Child-rearing hips" was I believe the exact terms. Boys: do they ever come up with something intelligent to say about ass?

― allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Or possibly just breeding. I can't remember precisely the content (it may even have been "your hips are great for birthing children", but my mate told that to his girlfriend on like the second date. They're engaged now, make of it what you will.
(Xpost Ally sorry.)

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I had something intelligent to say about ass once, but fucking Mystikal went and ripped me off.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Would it be better if guys stopped trying to get fancy and just said, "Hey, I really like your ass"?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I do that all the time, but then again I never really tried to get fancy. At this point, I request that Dan Perry shows me exactly how I should go about getting fancy.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:36 (twenty-two years ago)

John Keats' hitherto unknown "Ode to an Ass," not being discovered anytime soon.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:36 (twenty-two years ago)

It just struck me that three minutes ago I was a lurker, and now I'm having a conversation about ass with Ned, Dan, and Ally. WTF, isn't there some sort of ILX middle ground here?

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"Your ass speaks to me like a shining beacon guiding a storm-toss'd fishing boat to safe harbor" = possibly the most poetic way to ask for anal sex imaginable

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

considering the type of ass i fancy i don't think any sort of comment on it is likely to go down well

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Welcome former lurker deathisahedgehog! ONE OF US. Scary, isn't it?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Dammit, Perry, let me write that shit down. You're the guiding light in the raging sea of macking properly. The Keats of liking big butts and not being able to lie.
And Ned, it would frighten me, but I have seen you photoshopped before, and thus am incapable of knowing ILX fear.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I am so sorry, this is all my fault.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, blame not yourself, blame the inherent wickedness of ass. Were it not for the diabolic properties inherent to booty, I would still be a lowly lurker, content with reading other people speaking of how much music they own and complaining about how this messageboard is inferior to the previous version of said messageboard. And kittens.
Ass is of the devil, and ILX.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I own no music, just a lot of ass.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Another realization: previous message may be interpreted as vaguely offensive. Rest assured it isn't. I love all of y'all, for real, yo. Also maybe I need to stop posting now.

Xpost Ally again oh no! And Ally: do not lie. You own at least ONE copy of...that one Jarvis Cocker collaboration I saw you talking about once. I was just reading that thread, god damn it.
(Lurking + vodka + threads about ass = OH NO CREEPY CREEPY DISASTER OH NO)

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"CREEPY CREEPY DISASTER" is also going on a t-shirt.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago)

OK fair enough, I own that Barry Adamson CD and also I own a Klaus Nomi CD but no others.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:50 (twenty-two years ago)

[snorts, starts, flutters eyelids; then back on the nod]

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Should I change my name to CREEPY CREEPY DISASTER? You may all vote now!

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, I'll accept that answer. Also plz tell me the exact name of the Adamson/Cocker collab because I can't remember it presently and I rilly wanna use SoulSeek for something useful right now.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno, I get ass compliments (asspliments?) a lot, especially when I have this tight PVC miniskirt on. And I don't really have a non-existent arse. Its not all that offputting having someone saying "nice arse" to me, as long as they know me that is. I have one friend who insists on going the grab if I'm ever in said PVC. He gets away with it... just.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Asspliment replaces compliment in my vocabulary henceforth.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Not to be confused with assplement. Trust me.

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:57 (twenty-two years ago)

It is called "Set the Controls for the Heart of the Pelvis" and is possibly the greatest song of all time. So great that you do not have to SoulSeek it since it is the only MP3 on my webserver.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Assplement? WTF that sounds like some kind of weird kitchen appliance! "Microwave it for fifteen minutes, then use your assplement to pry open the package."
Also: Should I go to bed and sleep or post my SN and invite suckahs to IM me because I'm bored and doing nothing xept reading newspapers and refreshing this ILX thread to see how many people want to talk to me about ass?
I think the previous option might be slightly less pathetic.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:00 (twenty-two years ago)

thank you Ally!

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:01 (twenty-two years ago)

No problem; you've made me want to listen to it!

― allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Exactly. Sexual harrassment = when asspliments cross over into assplements.

And thanks also, Ally; Ann made me a copy, and it'everything you say.

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:04 (twenty-two years ago)

and to think only minutes ago you were denying owning any sort of music whatsoever!
(i am listening to it right now and it does rock, i hope there's an album of this shit in the near future. it doesn't even have to have barry adamson on it, just jarvis talking about his pelvis* and I will be happy.) (*this may be every pulp album ever.)

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:05 (twenty-two years ago)

and netumsahlem you have just made the best definition of sexual harrassment ever!

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Speaking of off-putting compliments: "Save me from my own hand" might not be strictly a compliment but it's certainly an off putting come on.

haha xpost deathisahedgehog, Jarvis talking about his pelvis is like 90% of His 'n' Hers

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:07 (twenty-two years ago)

His'nHers is like the only Pulp album I don't own! Except the boring ones they made in the 80's and shit when they were like unPulpy and all about angularism and midgets. Or have I gotten them mixed up again?
But dude, I am so downloading that album now! Or maybe my housemate owns it.

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Download "Razzmatazz", "Babies", "She's a Lady" and "Pink Glove" first, they are awesome. And yeah, angularism and midgets is about right except not as good as that promises :(

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:10 (twenty-two years ago)

ally gets the lurker vote for most helpfullest ILX0r! they're all being downloaded right now except "she's a lady" which slsk won't search for alas poor hedgehog!
(i'm thinking we probably DO own this album, but I don't care and also finding it would involve waking my housemate the poor bastard and I should let him sleep.)

― deathisahedgehog (Daniel_Rf), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I think "most helpful ILXor" is kind of an off compliment, no??

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 110 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

(Ha, you said you were in Cleveland on another thread, didn't you?)

(BTW, do not bite the men in the white coats, okay?)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

"Your eyes are too pretty for a boy."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

well...I wouldn't wear it, but it looks okay on you!

People always say this to me. aarrgh. So what, they think that all my clothes are hideous and this just happens to fit with the general pattern?

― kathryn m (kathryn m), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Corollary to Nickalicious: "I love your eyes! Are they real?"

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I love your ass - is it real?

― nickalicious, speaking to J Lo possibly. (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"Everything I say bounces off you and comes back to me as fun!"

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 29 October 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"Now I know where your ass came from!"?

So long as it wasn't followed up with testimonies of direct manual comparison, I think you're okay.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

the classics are best:
'you don't sweat much, for a fat
guy/girl/popstar/Boy'

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"you're built for comfort, not speed"

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"SIR! SIR! Can you spare a quarter?"

("Sir" implies respect, see)

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 22:54 (twenty-two years ago)

"You look good. Have you been ill?"

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

you have such beautiful eyes....i could just eat them

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Liking your FlowerGal/Aunt Jemima look. (Seriously.)

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 23:17 (twenty-two years ago)

You have nice teeth - reminds me too much of little red riding hood. Also fill in the implied latter half of the sentence ...pity about the rest of you...

I could just eat you up with a teaspoon

― Menelaus Darcy (Menelaus Darcy), Thursday, 30 October 2003 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"SIR! SIR! Can you spare a quarter?"

Ahhh, and then, the corollary of the off-putting consecration: "God bless you, sir!!"

I'm not sure why it gets me so mad--OK, I've got some idea--but I always bless'em right back ...

― brian nemtusak (sanlazaro), Thursday, 30 October 2003 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, at least most of your aliases actually ARE "sirs"!!!!!!!!

― Ann Sterzinger (Ann Sterzinger), Thursday, 30 October 2003 01:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Celebrating Halloween a tad early, are we? How nice for you.

― Skottie, Thursday, 30 October 2003 07:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"Everything I say bounces off you and comes back to me as fun!"

That was actually mildly upsetting and extraordinarily confusing, not off-putting though.

RJG OTM!

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

you are better looking than carl cox was the least flattering compliment i have ever recieved

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 30 October 2003 14:37 (twenty-two years ago)

"You look a bit like Edie Brickell."

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I love the way you dress in the dark.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Thursday, 30 October 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

but you do ally

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

FUCK YOU.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

This morning I was getting dressed for work, from Sarah: "Wow, Nick, you sure do clean up nice."

― NA (Nick A.), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry!!!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

"You look a bit like Edie Brickell."

"i don't know
about too many things
but all i know
is that i pee when i sing..."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha, Nick, I get that just about every time I put on a tie!

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

(you don't - i take it all back!)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Tom, why does Sarah see you in a tie so often?

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

she is his probation officer

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok that's enough of you for one day, Stelfox. The Edie Brickell thing was bad enough.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

sory i'm just fulla mischief today, and i've always had a soft spot for edie brickell anyway

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, she's not aware of too many things but she knows what she knows if you know what I mean. Smart girl.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:35 (twenty-two years ago)

(damn i'll say anything to get myself out of trouble - tho i have a funny feeling that has only made matters worse - plus i hope to god that never finds its way onto ilm or any of my editors)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

RJG, did you ever know that you're my hero?

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 30 October 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, did someone say that Edie Brickell isn't aware of too many things? Because I'll tell you this, she knows what she knows (if ya know what I mean ;-P).

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

And she "knows" Paul Simon too, eew.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 30 October 2003 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

OH, Casuistry, such the copycat!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 30 October 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Well you were copying Kingfish!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 30 October 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, I said nada about peeing!

Ok, I guess you're right. *grumble grumble*

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 30 October 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

"Every day (sometimes on the subway) I look for a girl or an image to focus on at night while I masturbate. And tonight that girl is going to be . . . you!"

― Mary (Mary), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

ARAGAFAFAGAGH.

Sorry, that thought hurt my head.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm imagining someone saying that to Mary and Mary thinking, "Hmmm, I don't think I like that. Oh well."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

And taking an unreasonably large sword out of her handbag.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 30 October 2003 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

"(and that's a good thing)"

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:04 (twenty-two years ago)

One I've gotten more than once w/ regards to my abilities on da mic:

"Wow, you're like the micro machines guy."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Mary, that's just like every day on ILX? I don't understand why you seem bothered by it?

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha the jokes on you we men of ILX masturbate to pictures of tippets!

― sneaky sneaky like (nickalicious), Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:16 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought you all masturbated to pictures of Spencer.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole, I just wanted to let you know you are the funniest motherfucker on this entire board.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 30 October 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

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