You Are So Glad You Are Not This Guy

When they called his cell number, they just heard some sewer sounds.

I would at least break the glasses.

This is why corporate entities have professional media handlers/spokespeople.

The Worst Place to Drop a Cellphone? Here's One
By MICHELLE O'DONNELL

Published: October 31, 2003

It was a natural reaction to a simple problem: a cellphone falls into a toilet, and the phone's owner seeks to retrieve it with some exploratory handiwork.

But the bathroom happened to be on a Metro-North Railroad train. And in a twist worthy of a screwball comedy, the man's fishing expedition left his arm all too intimately attached to the stainless steel commode. Before too long, the ill-fated expedition on Wednesday and its rippling effects had left thousands of commuters inconvenienced as trains were rerouted while workers feverishly tried to free the man's arm.

"It cost our customers a long, convoluted commute, and it cost this railroad many thousands of dollars," said Dan Brucker, a spokesman for Metro-North.

Edwin Gallart, 41, of the Edenwald section of the Bronx, was aboard car 8371 of the 6:19 p.m. Harlem Line local train out of Grand Central Terminal when his cellphone fell into the toilet, officials said. When he reached into the bowl to retrieve it, his arm became trapped from hand to elbow. Minutes later, a passenger alerted a conductor, who arranged for the train to pick up a supervisor at its first stop, 125th Street.

Alas, the supervisor could not release Mr. Gallart's arm. Train operators arranged for rescue crews to meet the train a few stops later at the Fordham station, where firefighters used no less than three sets of power tools, including the jaws of life, to cut through the toilet, which was ripped from the lavatory before being sliced open.

While the train was stopped at Fordham Road, northbound local trains were rerouted, Mr. Brucker said, which left them unable to stop at the five Bronx stations after and including Fordham. Passengers wanting to get off at those stops had to go to the Mount Vernon West station in Westchester and board southbound trains.

As for the toilet, it will take about three days to repair it, said Al Cecere, the Harlem Line facilities director. The phone was not found, he added, but "you wouldn't want to put that on your face afterwards anyway."

Right now, Chuck Berry is reading the paper, thinking to himself, "Wouldn't I?"

CALLER: Hello, Edwin?
CHUD: PLEASE WHEN COME BACK BRING PIE.

I hope to god this guy doesn't keep his job after making that quote to the media.

"dude...uh...where am i?"
"where does it look like you are?"
"....i think i'm in a toilet."
"you're probably in the bathroom, then."

how he got both his head AND his cell phone into the toilet bowl, we didn't wanna find out.

also, he was in the bathroom at our house. he eventually passed out face down on the couch, his pants around his ankles. My other roommate thoughtfully taped a note to him reading "Molest me, please."

"It cost our customers a long, convoluted commute, and it cost this railroad many thousands of dollars," said Dan Brucker, a spokesman for Metro-North.

hmmm....