The funniest hate mail ever

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Thought you all might enjoy this--I just came across it completely at random.

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The best of homophobic mail

by Kathleen DeBold and George Neighbors, Jr. (contributing writers)

Reprinted from The Lavender Network newspaper, February 1994.

One of the joys of working for a gay organization is the singular pleasure we get from reading the daily dose of hate mail. We've arranged our favorite snippets in a letter form so we could share with you the best of Beavises and Buttheads of the biblically impaired:

"Dear Faggots, Dikes, Soddomites, Lissbians, and Queer Bates:

I recently came across your address in a magazine I was reading and a plea for donations to support your perversions caught my eye. Their is no excuse for you. Your all sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick, sick. Gays are barf-inducing because you know what they do in private. Sex organs are not very sanitarilly clean. Regard- less of a man's ability as an artist, dress designer, or choreographer (three favorite professions, I'm sure) the bottom line is that he enjoys [a long, explicit and obliviously well-researched description of gay male sex]. I'm sure that lesbians engage in similar disgusting acts [no description: they still can't figure out what we do in bed!].

Who is Barry Goldwater compared to God? Check the following versus of scripture: Genises, Romens, Leviticals, and Profits. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. The Bible makes it clear that Jesus preferred straight men. That is why God sent you Aides. In our day Aids were helpers in the principals office.

The homophiles are nothing short of a hatred spreading group that has joined forces with the KKK, and the brown shirters and the anti- semetics. Homos have no right to teach in our public schools. You just want to pray on our children and lead them in a stray. There isn't a homosexual alive who fought and died for his country like we did.

My wife is not a lesbian and neither is my son. I've never had sex with a man and neither has my wife. I hope that your campaigning for homosexuals is due to your being unknoweable rather than you thinking the things they do are just `sexual preferance.' Keep your sexual perversions to yourself and I'll keep my sexual perversions to myself.

I also challenge the word "homophobic" as fear of hobosexuals. I'm not homophobic -- I have no fear of your type, only contempt. And now you have homophobia to wave around just like the jews have anti-semenic. So lets get rid of the word homophobia: How about "Homo-Blyiccch" (gag, choke, vomit)? Sure, you can call me homophonic if you like but I know what's right and what's wrong. When all you perverts are in hell it will be a much better place.

I am curious about how you got our name. I suppose that's a secret you'll keep buried in your bosom. I do not encourage anyone likely to place me on your mailing list to get more such weird offers. I demand that you remove me from your rooster!

[Signed]

Satan
Hell Fire Lane
Hell, Inc."

antexit (antexit), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I demand that you remove me from your rooster!

Shouldn't he be asking that their cock be withdrawn from him?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

hobosex-tastic!

the surface noise (electricsound), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:42 (twenty-one years ago)

hobosexuals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andrew (enneff), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I also challenge the word "homophobic" as fear of hobosexuals
http://www.ghostvillage.com/legends/leatherman/leatherman_pic_large.gif

Prude (Prude), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

You just want to pray on our children

Actually, yes, I do pray on your children...

Prude (Prude), Monday, 3 November 2003 05:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Who is Barry Goldwater compared to God?

This is actually a question I've been pondering for a long while. See also "Who is John McCain compared to Mary Magdalene?"

Allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 06:02 (twenty-one years ago)

homophonic

vs.

hobosexual

allyzay, Monday, 3 November 2003 06:03 (twenty-one years ago)

vs.

homersexual

http://privatewww.essex.ac.uk/~vcook/Homersexual.GIF

Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 3 November 2003 06:20 (twenty-one years ago)

My favourite is "The Bible makes it clear that Jesus preferred straight men." Oh, he was one of THOSE?

antexit (antexit), Monday, 3 November 2003 07:17 (twenty-one years ago)

There isn't a homosexual alive who fought and died for his country like we did.

Well, no....

luna (luna.c), Monday, 3 November 2003 09:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never had sex with a man and neither has my wife.

Giggleariffic.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 3 November 2003 10:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Extraordinary.

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 3 November 2003 10:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Antexit beating me to my planned comment there...

DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Monday, 3 November 2003 11:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"The Bible makes it clear that Jesus preferred straight men."

Queer Eye for the Straight Disciple?

nate detritus (natedetritus), Monday, 3 November 2003 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a good parody but it tries too hard. Funny :)

Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 3 November 2003 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

That is why God sent you Aides. In our day Aids were helpers in the principals office.

I AM COMPLETELY BESIDE MYSELF HERE.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 3 November 2003 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

"When all of you perverts are in hell it will be a much better place."
Queer eye for the straight hell?

Sengai, Monday, 3 November 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

"My wife is not a lesbian and neither is my son.
I've never had sex with a man and neither has my wife."

these should be the first two lyrics of a song...

g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Monday, 3 November 2003 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

It should be a sad acoustic folk song.

NA (Nick A.), Monday, 3 November 2003 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Coming in a Jiffy.

Momus (Momus), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

No, I am not paying you $3000 for it you silly man.

NA (Nick A.), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

lissbians?
that sounds like the kind of people who might live on a planet the starship Enterprise might have run into in the 60s, the kind where Capt. Kirk would have said, "uh, you guys wait for me on the bridge"

Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

What does a homophonic listens to? Streisand?

Miggie (Miggie), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

it's someone who speaks the language of the hom'sexual.

Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh... someone who speaks like this? I see.

Miggie (Miggie), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"My wife is not a lesbian and neither is my son. I've never had sex with a man and neither has my wife."

awesome

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

the problem is that this letter is just an amalgamation of different lines. I woulda preferred to see one really bad letter in all its glory.

Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

OH MY GOD!!!!: "...the jews have anti-semenic"!!!!

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

People should only be allowed to type out these diatribes with fingers trembling in fear and rage.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 3 November 2003 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Coming in a Jiffy.
Momus, do you like popcorn?

Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Monday, 3 November 2003 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Too much, apparently.

NA (Nick A.), Monday, 3 November 2003 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve

What does Steve has to say about this, I wonder? Is he not God's child?

Miggie (Miggie), Monday, 3 November 2003 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)


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