Microwaves: Scientific or Satanic?

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Okay, here's the deal. I take a shepherd's pie out of the freezer, bung it in the brand new microwave, let it spin on full power for about six minutes, let it stand for one.

Now I'm an old fashioned kind of guy, I like gas ovens. For cooking in. I like the fact that when you take the food out it's piping hot in the middle and cooler at the edges. But with microwaves it's piping hot at the edges and cooler in the middle.

And that really freaks me out. To me, that's like walking widdershins through a graveyard at midnight reciting the Lord's Prayer backwards. Or is it just about mollecules and stuff?

Trevor, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Bugger, you've just reminded me I forgot to take my chicken out to defrost this morning.

Madchen, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It kind of is satanic because it's totally horrible for your body to ingest microwaved food. And people will scoff at this because microwaves are so commonplace, but this isn't the rambling of a health-nut environmentally concious hippy, my friend. Microwaves spin the electrons in your food until it is the opposite polarity, so you're eating a piece of food charged the opposite of what it should be. It radiates your food. It is radiation... and no food cooked using radiation is safe. Microwaves are sure to give you cancer and the odds are greater than cell phones, actually. Here, look: radiation ovens

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Put that chicken away, missus!

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nudespock - surely any danger that exists is in the levels of leakage of microwaves from the oven during the cooking process. Can you explain why this 'eating microwaved food is dangerous cause all the polarity is reversed' isn't just specious scaremongering?

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nick - how do we know you're not in league with Auld Clootie himself? Eh??

Trevor, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Heat is radiation.

Sam, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What Nick said. Microwaves are dangerous in the same way that ovens are dangerous ie they heat things up. That's all.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, sitting too close to the back of a computer monitor is bad for you, cooking with charcoal is bad for you, sitting too close to the tv is bad for you, most of the food that has been introduced to us in the last 50 years is bad for you (but it is cheap; cheap = profit all around) and the FDA approves whatever is profitable for at least a little while if it's danger is "safe" (in other words, not immediately fatal) The chemicals and pesticides used for farming are "safe", for instance. Black Flag roach spray is "safe". Anvil was "safe" enough to spray over NY to kill mosquitos that might carry the West Nile Virus.

It depends on whether or not you trust someone's definition of "safe". If we did away with all things that weren't really safe, but aren't killing us within a short enough span of time to be afraid of it, we would be far poorer countries.

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But you're arguing from a general political point to a specific issue. I agree that radiation levels (from monitors, mobile phones, microwave ovens etc) are something to be concerned about / do research on safe levels / question government and vested interests / make informed risk assessment about. It's just all this stuff about it scrambling food into something dangerous that sounds like nonsense.

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And anyone who just decides they're as safe as cooking on a stove hasn't bothered to even think about it more than checking out their governments' official position on microwaves. Or doesn't want to deal with it. Or is afraid of it.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to mention that the plastic and glue your food is packaged in is killing you as well by osmosis of chemical leeching, not to mention the chemicals used in growing, cooking and treating your food and the sterilizers used in recyclables are extremely toxic substances which are "safe" enough to use in moderate amounts by bottlers who are poorly regulated and don't properly rinse off chemical residue or even necessarily mix cleaning solutions precisely. But, yeah, if someone tells you it's okay, it's probably best not to worry about it, because you can't live forever anyway.

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"sounds like nonsense"

rest my case!

Nude spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh shit, before someone tries to mock me, I'd like to point out the "osmosis of chemical leeching" wasn't supposed to sound scientific. Chemical leeching is what is occuring, but the word osmosis is just something I typed without thinking.

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't care, I've probably got CJD from eating faggots anyway.

Madchen, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

CJD - the 'gay plague'

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What's CJD?

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Chronic Jaw Disorder?

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

New Variant Creutzfeld Jakob Disease (or Disorder and my spelling is probably wrong), the human form of Mad Cow Disease. Anyone who ate school dinners in the early eighties, or whose mother fed them Brains Faggots, may well have it. Incubation period unknown, potential time bomb, etc.

Madchen, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Sad, and very long article about its effects and its potential timebomb status h ere

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Brains Faggots?! Okay, I'm aware that faggots means "cigarette" as well as "gay man", but I'll be damned if I know what Brains Faggots are. Sounds cool, though. But, yeah... that's why I eat my meat well done.

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nudespock - in case you ever come here and make it through immigration control, 'fags', never 'faggots' is slang for cigarettes. A request to 'bum a faggot' would result in as strange looks as you'd get over the Atlantic.

Brain's faggots

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And I'm afraid having your meat 'well done' is likely to have as much effect as boiling poisoned water. It's not like a normal food poisoning issue. These prions are tough little beasts!

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Take a grape, cut it in half the short way, but not all the way through. Leave a little skin on one side to hold it together, so you have two hemi-spheres. Flip them open and place the flat sides down in the center of the microwave. Microwave on high for about 12-15 seconds. Be amazed.

Cryosmurf, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Erm, provided we have no grapes on hand, could you tell us what happens?

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If you have no grape, use a mouse instead.

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, phew! I have a whole bushell of mice. I'll just pluck one and cut him almost in half now.

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Top Dutch tips for fun with your microwave oven. I have tried the lightbulb one and it works! Please note that the ones involving metal are likely to damage the efficiency of your oven if you overdo them.

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like the one with the litter of puppies best.

Whatever way you look at it, microwaves are the devil's work.

I guess it true what they say, the devil gets all the best kitchen utensils.

Trevor, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Thanks, Nick! I found out what the grape experiment does and it frightens and confuses me, for I am just a caveman. For those interested, here's what happens to the grape:

Grapes of wrath
Cut a grape in half. Not all the way, just leave a little skin between the two halves. Place the cut grape on a plate - round sides down, flat (cut) side up, still attached or just touching if severed. Start the microwave. You will not believe the arcs and plasma you can get out of a little grape. This trick does not always work, but one out of 10-15 gripe gives a spectacular show. We have cut them top to bottom and side to side, both ways works. We have tried large green seedless grapes and smaller purple grapes, the smaller ones tend to perform better. We also notice that there is some correlation between their angle in the microwave and the arcing. We believe the effect to be the two halves of the grape acting as resonant chambers for the microwave radiation and the arcing to perhaps be due to the difference in charge between the grape hemispheres. If this is correct the effect should be most spectacular when the grape halves are aligned with the microwave source.

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

By the way, Nick, my Mum still has official ownership of our microwave and may ask for it back at some point.

Madchen, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

AND IS THIS WHERE ALL THE LIGHTBULBS IN THE KITCHEN HAVE GONE?

Madchen, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No Madchen - they expired of their own accord. And I'm afraid the little lightbulb fairies who normally replace them appear to have gone on strike.

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not on strike, I can't find an old one so I know which type to buy as a replacement. If you email me nicely I'll pop into John Lewis after work and get some, as well as some CDs to cook.

Madchen, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

hold on a minute???? You two buy your lightbulbs from John Lewis?

Ponces

chris, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's a normal sized but screw cap lightbulb. Just like the dangly lamp in the sitting room.

The implication was not that you were the fairies.

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm going late night shopping in Oxford Street so it's handy. I am the fairies who put expensive energy saving bulbs in the hall and living room. Bicker, bicker.

Anyway, would somebody like to post about microwaves now?

Madchen, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am the fairies who put expensive energy saving bulbs in the hall and living room

What, you mean that rubbish one that takes about half an hour to light up properly? Are you sure there's one in the hall as well?

Nick, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

circus peanuts work quite well

http://bad-candy.com/circuspeanuts/images/peanutswell3.jpg

Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

When my parents finally splashed out on one it came with a handsome hardcover "recipe book", which claimed that you could cook ANYTHING in it—bacon, pot roast, cake. UUURK

Tracer Hand, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Remember the story (urban legend?) about the little old lady who put her cat in the microwave to dry it off? Cat exploded & old lady sues microwave company?

Nude Spock, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Strange thing about heating things in a microwave, the radiation given off from the food is weak and much lower then a background count from many building materials, so you can eat it and get more radiation from your floor/chair on your ass then you will from your food.

Mr Noodles, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Depends on who's ass

Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 4 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and whats beneath it. ie Vacatian City and all its marble is really radioactive (well for a background), but I guess its all right, those cardinals dont be needing their fertility.

Mr Noodles, Friday, 5 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Some of you seem to be a little bit confused about radiation, electro- magnetic radiation (EMR) that is.

Radiowaves are EMR.

Microwaves are EMR, in fact microwaves are considered to belong to the part of the EMR spectrum called Radio Frequency(RF).

Infra-red heat (that warm stuff that you feel when you are close to an element or a flame or a person or a car etc.) is EMR.

Light is EMR.

Radiowaves, microwaves, infra-red and light are all non-ionising radiation. They do not make things radioactive. X-rays, gamma rays and cosmic rays (which are also types of EMR) are called ionising radiation and they do make things radioactive.

Yes, microwaves cook using radiation. Normal ovens also cook using radiation. All that differs is the wavelength/frequency of the radiation. Microwaves have a longer wavelength (and lower frequency) than infra-red(heat), and therefore have deeper penetration.

When you cook something in a normal oven the radiation only penetrates a few millimetres. If the food is left cooking in the oven for a substantial amount of time then the heat near the surface of the food will be conducted to the middle of the food and so the food will have become hot all the way through and will be cooked.

When you cook something in a microwave oven the radiation penetrates a few centimetres. If the thing you are cooking is not very big then it will all be cooked quite quickly. If it is a larger piece of food then it will only become cooked all the way through by letting conduction do its work just like in the normal oven.

There is nothing scary or satanic about microwaves apart from some people's gross misunderstanding of them.

Tabs, Friday, 5 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay for Tabs, voice of sanity.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Friday, 5 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If I remember rightly, lightbulbs is about the only thing that Emma is responsible for in our house. Is there some secret sisterhood of lightbulb fairydom?

Pete, Friday, 5 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The secret of my fairydom is this: I was in Woolworths one day. I noticed they had a bumper pack of 10 light bulbs for about £1. I thought to myself: I'll get them. And as we like to sit around in the dark in our house so we don't have to look at each other's ugly mugs the light bulbs have lasted ever since.

I am also the toilet paper fairy. But the washing up liquid antiChrist as I make foam parties with it.

Emma, Friday, 5 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nah, what Tabs said is common knowledge, not the voice of sanity. Common knowledge + "don't worry" seems to convince people there is no danger... and that's what's dangerous, actually; the fact that people will believe someone as long as they sound scientific.

Nude Spock, Saturday, 6 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

For anyone who cares, this site (http://www.umich.edu/~radinfo/) gives a pretty good idea how dependent we all are on radiation, and it's a pretty safe bet that the scientists who "determine safety" of, say, food irradiation, microwaves, etc. have profitable interests in mind, just like the scientists who determine all other forms of radiation are safe which kill us slowly (or quickly, depending on your genetic disposition) day by day.

First of all, cooking food in any form is bad for you because our bodies depend on the live enzymes within food (meat not included) to remain clean and healthy inside and throughout every cell. Cooking kills live enzymes. Most modern foods keep the body in a constant state of cell inflammation, which, if you couldn't tell by the sounds of it is bad for you. Inflammation of cells is what leads to cancers and poor skin complexion, among other things.

Nude Spock, Saturday, 6 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Microwaves are just radiowaves and both are emitted by the sun among other things.

Although I agree that there are probably too many concentrated sources of electro-magnetic-radiation and emr interference happening all around us I don't see the point in being more worried about microwave ovens that computer monitors, electric blankets, televisions, radio stations/receivers, hair dryers, mobile phones et cetera.

Personally I'm more worried about the prospect of some crazy Americans starting WWIII than I am about whether my food was cooked in a crockpot, a gas oven or a microwave!

toraneko, Saturday, 6 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes, and not even the sun is good for you in high doses. Cooked food everyday is high doses. And microwave radiation is a higher dose and a different type of radiation than the warmth conducted through a frying pan or the sun. This is kind of similar to the other discussion I'm having about glucose levels and different types of carbohydrates.

Nude Spock, Saturday, 6 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So do you only eat food that has been cooked by conduction? Do you not toast or grill or bake or roast? Do you store your food in an area that is shielded from radiowaves?

I can see where you are coming from with you microwave & wheat/carb paranoia but I think your ideas are currently a bit askew and that with a greater understanding of both radiation and nutrition you might review the locus of your concerns.

For example, the irradiation of food and the promotion of dairy products are far more dangerous than microwave cooking and bleached flour (okay, the bleached flour is almost as bad as the dairy products but nowhere nears so insidious or ubiquitous).

I'm interested to know whether you restrict you meat intake to organically/bio-dynamically farmed meats only?

toraneko, Saturday, 6 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That's funny because the people pro-irradiation swear it's a-okay safe! Pasteurization ain't even good. No, I don't eat many grilled foods, because, really, what the hell's the source of the open flame? I've had grilled swordfish that abosutely tastes like gas or something utterly toxic. Also, I don't eat much swordfish because it's one of the fish that has extremely high mercury levels, as discovered semi-recently (however, people who eat canned tuna 1 or 2 times per week have much higher mercury levels in their bloodstream than they should, as well). Yep, the earth's pretty good and polluted, all by people who claim these levels are perfectly "safe". I buy organic vegetables. I don't drink milk. I do eat cheese, however. I don't put sugar on anything. I do occasionally eat baked food, as well. But, I also occasionally eat microwaved food, as I said. The thing is, "occasionally" for me is different than your typical meat eater, because I don't eat much meat. I drink a lot of protein shakes or have fish (fried) like flounder, haddock, salmon with lemon juice, olive oil and lemon. That's almost an entirely balanced meal in itself. Add some melon and a nice green salad and you're finished. I don't drink orange juice because the sugar levels are beyond natural in one glass of orange juice and, though it supposedly healthy, a simple glass of orange juice causes cellular inflammation and spikes your insulin level as well. Much better to have an orange. I mainly drink water, eat organic produce, chicken, fish and steak when I have red meat.

Yep, I know it's not an entirely perfect diet, but there's a difference between avoiding unhealthy things and abstaining from life altogether, because everything is so fucked up you can't avoid some level of toxic exposure. However, a body with less cellular damage has less to repair every night at sleepy time, doesn't it?

I feel you are using the same sort of argument used on people who are against meat "because meat is murder "and therefore you ask, "is that a leather belt?" It's not an issue of whether or not I'm 100% pure and natural.

Nude Spock, Saturday, 6 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ha ha, I'm familiar with that one. I'm vegan but I wear a leather jacket, which I fondly referred to as my dead cow until I realised it was a dead sheep! I couldn't care less about people killing animals so long as I don't have to eat them.

toraneko, Saturday, 6 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

four years pass...
Love reviving the 5-year-old threads.

I've inherited a microwave in my new apartment, never had one before, and am not hardly using it at all (Nude Spock would approve). What's the cheapest / most efficient use I can make of it? Do any of you consume those "pocket" meals, the very thought of which unhinges me?

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 14:40 (eighteen years ago)

warm up your leftovers in it.

Sam: Screwed and Chopped (Molly Jones), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 14:44 (eighteen years ago)

Excellent for reheating cold coffee.

Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 14:45 (eighteen years ago)

only use it in office cos there's nothing else.

at home v. occasionally to reheat leftovers, and canned soup if feeling v. v. lazy.

and defrosting meat if forgotten to take frozen meat out in time.

ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 15:05 (eighteen years ago)

I got some frozen quiches at Trader Joe's last week and nuked 'em for breakfast. They were (surprisingly) not soggy messes, probably because you cook them atop a paper towel.

Jaq (Jaq), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 15:09 (eighteen years ago)

Defrosting. Also, cooking many kind of vegetables.

Earwig oh! (Mark C), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 15:10 (eighteen years ago)

Good also for softening butter, for melting small amounts of chocolate for frosting/spreading purposes, for bringing eggs and other things to room temp (very carefully) if receipe calls for it, for heating milk to make a cup of cocoa....let's see, what else...yes, steaming some veg (broc in particular, I find one serving takes about 50 seconds just to green it up).

Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 15:11 (eighteen years ago)

Baked potatoes if lazy or short on time; some folk will disdain the un crispy skins that result, or say "technically it's not baking but steaming", but sod 'em.

ledge (ledge), Tuesday, 29 August 2006 15:14 (eighteen years ago)

three years pass...

You can cook a potato in a pressure cooker faster.

Tracer Hand, Friday, 9 April 2010 10:50 (fifteen years ago)

Real popcorn takes about the same amount of time.

Tracer Hand, Friday, 9 April 2010 10:50 (fifteen years ago)

Reheating coffee takes what, two minutes longer on the stovetop?

Tracer Hand, Friday, 9 April 2010 10:51 (fifteen years ago)

what i use it for

reheating leftovers
scrambled eggs
cocoa
yeah some veg, but usually boil

i've never done re-heated coffee- does this work?

Jesse James Woods (darraghmac), Friday, 9 April 2010 11:02 (fifteen years ago)

have lived for about a year now without a microwave. it's been okay. however I never make more than I can eat in a sitting, and usually just throw out leftovers :|

fuck in rainbows, ☔ (dyao), Friday, 9 April 2010 11:04 (fifteen years ago)

typical eastern world wastefulness ^

Jesse James Woods (darraghmac), Friday, 9 April 2010 11:07 (fifteen years ago)

hahah that is so far from the truth :|

fuck in rainbows, ☔ (dyao), Friday, 9 April 2010 11:12 (fifteen years ago)


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