My girlfriend's started to become really nasty to me

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What should I do?

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Finish it. But ask her why, first.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

*holding back joke*

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

A) What have you done recently that might've caused this?
B) What exactly is she doing that is nasty?
C) Have you considered that maybe you just don't like each other much?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Please tell us the joke, oh please.

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

is your girlfriend sitting next to you?

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

maybe she is trying to drive you away. is she the passive aggressive sort?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Or maybe she's an ice-queen? I like ice-queens.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

While being fully aware this is completely perception-based (i.e. my own:)

A) Absolutely nothing. I try my hardest to make her happy and give her everything she needs. Perhaps that in itself is the problem.

B) She just starts laying into me for no discernable reason - 24 hours later, after the damage is done, she apologises and says she feels dreadful, thereby turning the focus back on herself.

C) We love each other dearly, we are the best of friends. Perhaps we spend too much time together.

Sorry for bringing the tone down, but you're my last hope.

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Ice-queen is not the same as Ice-cream.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

she probably hates you and is cheating on you and maybe just maybe she's plotting your death. you could stop her and be a hero.

OR MAYBE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU MAYBE SHE IS UNHAPPY WITH SOMETHING ELSE MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO HER BECAUSE IF YOU CANNOT / WILL NOT THEN SHE IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND ANYMORE

*whew*

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

She's not sitting next to me. Why, are you watching me.

Passive aggressive. Hmmm... she's IS a psychologist.

I like ice-queens too, but more in a Narnia sense as opposed to a let's go down the pub and ignore each other sense. However, I shall give her your e-mail address. Perhaps some extra-curricular activity will wake her up to the love I have.

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:02 (twenty-two years ago)

On a serious note, find some time to spend apart, doing other things. Maybe you're taking each other for granted and that's leadign to an over-reliance on each other which causes resentment because she doesn't feel like a definied, individual person anymore. I suggest you talk about it as much as you can with her, totally honestly and openly, even if it leads to an argument.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

OK. Perhaps she is trying to put distance between you both if if you are being too "clingy" which it sounds like she might have reason to interpret that by your answer to A)? You doing everything you can to make her "happy" might not be exactly what she wants, it might be too much or too fast, right. But you are saying that you see that could be a problem. However it is hard to believe she just lays into you out of the blue--no trigger at all? Maybe it is too much "together time", that can cause problems.

Also OTM about other stress things in her life--have you actually said anything to her?

― allyzay, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey Dean! You're pretty angry about all this. Do you need to talk?

Unfortunately my partner is a deaf/mute, therefore all communication is done with her in Macaton signing and me in BSL - perhaps there lies the communication problems...

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

If she's a psychologist then maybe she's just projecting some of her dayjob shit back onto you?

X-post = + what Ally said.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

why am I watching you?

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm beginning to think this may not be real.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Allyzay, you've really got the hook of this lark.

And oh God, do we talk - our relationship is open and honest and all those other "nineties" things they're supposed to be. There's no literal "trigger" no - but a boling resentness (something which goes both ways, natch) of my apparent clingness may just do the trick.

It's not "too soon" either - we've been living together for three years and until very recently were that yucky perfect couple you see sharing fries and tongues outside the kebab shop. Yes, THAT perfect.

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh Nick, it's real alright - apart from the deaf mute bit. That's just what we psychologists use as a defence mechanism, when the pain and confusion starts to become unbearable.

Why are you watching me? You tell me.

As for the projection of the day job bit, that's eminently reasonable and very likely - it's something we've talked about endlessly, and that she's admitted, but at the time (of the insults) she won't admit to it.

Perhaps I could get her a job in a chemist or shoe shop, or something, as a nice surprise.

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

what's this 'so does RJG' thing?

so does RJG

― David. (Cozen), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks for all the wise advice people - I have to go and face the music now after another tough 24 hours. I shall tell her I've been talking to strangers over the internet about her, and I'm sure that'll make it all alright.

We truly do adore each other, by the way.

Tada!

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

make it better, cozen.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Give her a present.
Listen to her whine a bit.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Give her a present.
Listen to her whine a bit.

No one ever says stuff like this re; men.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Ignore me, I'm just single.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I listen to my Nick whine all the time! :)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you ever buy him presents?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Of course!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Like what?

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

mushy bees

― David. (Cozen), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Bees that have been squashed? How did you know?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 19:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Aren't squashed bees a delicacy in the UK?

I do not whine all the time.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

if i had no hands, i'd go for a mute.

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 21:52 (twenty-two years ago)

you have to go to those speciality english shops to find mushy bees in canada, i know that much

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

So was this question legit or no?

Anyway, if your gf is being mean to you it could mean that
1) she don't love you anymore
2) she recognizes that you're good to her
3) she feels guilty about dumping you, which is what she wants to do
4) she's treatin' you bad to get you to dump her first in order to
5) give her the moral upper hand

at any rate, she's trying to get rid of you. Word.

― Skottie, Thursday, 6 November 2003 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

So... she's trying to get rid of me then. Hmmm... hatchet job it is then! Thanks folks, see you in court!

― 39 Steps + 40 Winks (39 Steps + 40 Winks), Thursday, 6 November 2003 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Bizarro!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 6 November 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Its a cliche I know, but familiarity breeds contempt. It really does. Trust me. Its easier to be nasty to someone who loves you because you assume they won't walk.

Doesn't mean you must put up with it though.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 6 November 2003 12:27 (twenty-two years ago)

sixteen years pass...

stop winking so much, for one

― master of nuggets (Neanderthal), Sunday, 8 December 2019 14:18 (six years ago)

Otherwise you'll get winker's cramp.

― just another country (snoball), Sunday, 8 December 2019 14:23 (six years ago)

great revive

― "Big Joe Fuck and the Bogalusa Maniac" (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 8 December 2019 14:40 (six years ago)

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