Alternative Big Secrets for Ned

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Come on, we all thought something else when we read that thread

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I Ned can reveal that my big secret is, I was the fifth Beatle.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that Dan and I are finally getting married, I mean, clone-merged!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

This is not my real hair.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that my big secret is that I have been a covert intelligence agent for the past 12 years in a massive Usenet/Internet sting operation. You're all fucked.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

My new business plan is farming sideburns for comedy wigs!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that I am now breeding pugs for a living.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal my guestslot on the new Ghostface Killah album.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that I have been dating Christina Aguilera on the sly. AND NOW WE'RE GETTIN' HITCHED!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Ay yi yi

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that it was I who put the bop in the bop shoo wop doo wop, but i DIDN't put the ram in the ramma lamma deputy

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal I shot JR.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that I am Superman and I know what's happening.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I Ned can reveal that my big secret is, I am the AMAZING RANDY.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I Ned, can reveal that I made Thom Yorke's eye go wonky, what I cannot reveal though is what I did to him to make it go like that.

― chris (chris), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I am the AMAZING RANDY

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

HI DERE

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, shot JFK while flying in an Jewish UFO with my Freemason friends.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned am harbouring albums of mass destruction.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

my big secret is that i not only host games shows on tv im also a cia agent.

― Chris Hungus (Chris V), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

(imagines Jewish UFO based on most obvious visual stereotypes and bursts out laughing)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Haven't you seen Mel Brooks' "History of the World: Part I"?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that I am forming a band with Tom Morello that recaptures the spirit of Rage Against the Machine.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 6 November 2003 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this game has gone TOO FAR NOW.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, secretly HATE FUN!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that I am a werewolf HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWL.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

WAH

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i ned, can now reveal that i am really toby mcguires wang.

― Chris Hungus (Chris V), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that I am going on tour with Ryan Adams and Rufus Wainwright to support my spoken-word album.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I forgot to mention Dan being Andrew WK and Avril Lavigne's roadie.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that my big secret is that I had an affair lasting six months with Princess Diana in 1995.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that my big secret is that I stuffed a potato in my pants for the album cover.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that that's my ass on the cover of _Get Lucky_. (That's still Mike Reno's hand, though.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I Ned, can reveal that I am made of Lego, and you are all made of stars.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I Ned, secretly reveal that I love Gino Vannelli.

― Chris Hungus (Chris V), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Dare to dream.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can reveal that I am your father.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 6 November 2003 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can finally reveal that I was born a man.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 6 November 2003 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, can annouce the upcoming screening of my biopic Ned Raggett: One Man Who Loves Loveless's Story, directed by George Lucas, and starring Keanu Reeves.

― N3d R4gg3tt (nickalicious), Thursday, 6 November 2003 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned, wear a latex mask when in public to disguise my *sideburns*.

― Lara (Lara), Thursday, 6 November 2003 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned can reveal that I wear a latex mask when in public to disguise my *face-cock*.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 6 November 2003 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

face-cock?

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 6 November 2003 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned can reveal that you have been caught on Candid Camera.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Thursday, 6 November 2003 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned can reveal my plans behind the assassination of Martin Rossiter and the rest of that Gene ilk.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Thursday, 6 November 2003 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Finally a post that reflects reality. Of a heightened nature.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

That would be fantastic, because then my sister would seek vengeance against you for hurting Gene and it would be like Kill Ned.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 6 November 2003 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

And then Momus would complain.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

You say that as though that's a bad thing...

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 6 November 2003 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I will take this under advisement.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I, Ned can reveal that in 1993 I pretended to be terminally ill (and 14) so that the Make-A-Wish Foundation would have Kevin Shields write me a lullaby. Unfortunately when Kevin was playing it for me next to my "sickbed" he noticed the lift in the sheets caused by my growing erection. He began to stroke my hair, but, deeply confused by my phyiscal reaction to his music, I spurned him. He was so frustrated that he has been suffering from writer's block ever since. In fact, Belinda quit the group when Kevin announced that every song title would have the word "Ned" in it. While I can not return Kevin's love for me, I have promised never to cut my hair, in hopes that my locks will someday inspire him again to greatness.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry, your Fred Durst fantasies are getting the way of reality again.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 6 November 2003 21:46 (twenty-one years ago)

sixteen years pass...

This thread just made me lose it multiple times

― healthy cocaine off perfect butts (the table is the table), Saturday, 12 September 2020 00:07 (five years ago)

Everything asserted in the thread is of course accurate.

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 12 September 2020 05:00 (five years ago)

I was searching for the word "secrets." And here we are.

― healthy cocaine off perfect butts (the table is the table), Saturday, 12 September 2020 11:29 (five years ago)

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