< Earth is destroyed >
>
>
> ( Anthony's alternate ending from the DVD:
>
> < Earth is destroyed to the tune of "Some Like It Hot" by Robert Palmer > )
>

Your departure from the military wasn't as elaborate as my dad's but I have just as much happiness that yer out. You were getting fucked over by political assholes up top and then some.

> from Chapter 4:
>
> If you ever crash land on an unknown planet and they don't send out search
> parties, a good name for your tribe would be "The Forgotten."
>
> Jettison all your food and water before you crash land so that none of the
> other survivors are strong enough to challenge your dominance over the
> group.
>
> Also you must, must must must, quell any hopes for rescue amongst the
> surviving crew members.
>
> On the subject of space vehicles, two words: Chick magnet.
>
> from Chapter 7:
>
> Your flame-thrower is your best friend. Fire can kill a lot of stuff out
> there. And what it can't, TANG will.
>
> When journeying to the center of the universe in search of an omniscient
> being, do not be surprised that it is indeed an infant who is incapable of
> communicating on a human level. That's just sad irony.
>
> Trick all hostile alien life-forms on the ship into the airlock. Flush --
> problem solved.
>
> If an alien uses your body as a host, ask yourself what you get out of the
> deal. Don't immediately start freaking out.
>
> from Chapter 12:
>
> Be sure to keep a dictionary handy. Re-use familiar terms when
encountering
> alien fauna so as to avoid unnecessary neologisms like "Blorzock" or
> "Naigon."
>
> If you wake up first, immediately roll around in the dirt and tear up your
> space uniform. When the others regain consciousness you can act like you
> know your way around already.
>
> If you encounter a dangerous alien life form, do not attempt to kill it
with
> rocks or spears of any other form of caveman weapon. Feed it a corpse from
> the crash site and run away.
>
> If you were sent into space with any cutesy animals, eat them first.
Nobody
> is going to blame you and it's not as if monkeys were ever very helpful.
>
> If a member of your party turns out to be a traitorous backstabbing son of
a
> bitch, berbecue them immediately. Do not wait for their comeuppance to
> arrive via the machinations of nature and luck.
>
> from Chapter 14:
>
> In the unlikely event of landing on a planet filled with beautiful women
who
> have male genitals we have issued you a cyanide capsule.
>
> When marooned on an advanced planet, claim to have been exiled from Earth
> for some reason which will cause them to sympathize for you. Then milk it
> for all it's worth.
>
> When marooned on an unadvanced planet, claim to be the man from the stars
> who has come to punish the wicked (whatever that is by their standards).
> Then milk it for all it's worth.
>
> While on your new planet remember that love, justice and God still
exist --
> on Earth! The only thing you need to believe in on your new planet is
> science.
>
> from Chapter 20
>
> If your spacecraft becomes possessed by evil spirits or the central
computer
> becomes homicidal for any reason, do not attempt to survive the ordeal. A
> small nuclear device is hidden behind Toilet 7 to help you accomplish the
> "one life for many" thing. We don't want any of that shit coming back our
> way.
>
> If exposure to certain forms of cosmic radiation or a "magic" space
mineral
> imbues you with powers beyond your wildest dreams and drives you mad with
> Nietzche rage, remember that we have over a dozen idiots like you stuffed
> and hung in the downstairs laboratories. You are not special.
>
> If you are caught in some kind of warp which drops you off in a paralled
> universe, send the parallel version of yourself back if possible. Science
is
> not interested in you anymore, we can clone you anytime we want. On the
> other hand we always need new freaks with weird problems.
>
> If you travel through space and arrive at your destination only to find it
> has been blown to bits, turn around and come home. Do not follow or engage
> and fleeing spacecraft, even if they insist on buzzing you repeatedly.
Earth
> is not interested in anybody else's galactic vendettas.
>

A Treatment Of Inevitable Conclusions and the Purpose of Existence

SCENE ONE: Two robots stand in an empty outdoor amphitheater on a bright clear day. It is about 3 in the afternoon. There is no breeze, no clouds, and no sign of life beyond a number of weeds growing around the stage. The air smells like it does at a public swimming pool, like sunscreen and chlorinated water.

Guaranaman 6 Licker:
This is the future of man.

ED LEX:
This is the future of man.

Minutes pass. A crow flies overhead

Guaranaman 6 Licker:
ARRRRR. I'm a PIRATE.

ED LEX:
Do you need anything? Perhaps some gelatin?

The Ballzoid appears in the sky above

Guaranaman 6 Licker:
Oh no, The Ballzoid. ARRRRR.

ED LEX: Whoops! Time to change the bedpan.

The Ballzoid:
HGLTHPLSATBLAHDFUJESKRLPF.

Earth is destroyed to the tune of Some Like it Hot by Robert Palmer

the building I'm going to be working in:
http://bureauandthemole.com/images/main/fbi_hq.jpg

Congratulations Tombot!

What are the ratings for the Cartoon Network in southeastern Michigan?

congrats

I just realized that if you combine my posts over the past six months with Spencer's posts over the past six months, you'd have the grossest abuse of exclamation points in the history of the world!!

Also Nicole OTM about encouraging beards.

http://home.ripway.com/2003-7/13884/carpenters.jpg

Im sure if you ask Tombot how the military was, he probably wouldnt consider it very military at all. His punk ass spent years in Monterey to learn korean only to work for a bunch of slack asses here in Maryland for whatever ammount of time. Meanwhile engaging in many drunken outings along the way at various dive bars adjacent to our workplace.

Somebody put "Freebird" on the ILX Jukebox, please.

Oh No, I can't change
http://www.isil.org/resources/usdocs/american-flag.jpg http://www.isil.org/resources/usdocs/american-flag.jpg

Coloured lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else’s eyes
Now woman, get away
American woman, listen what I say-ay

American Woman, said get away
American Woman, listen what I say
Don’t come a hangin' around my door
Don’t wanna see your face no more
I don’t need your war machines
I don’t need your ghetto scenes

American woman, stay away from me
American woman, mama let me be
I gotta go, I gotta get away
Baby, I gotta go,
I am dying
I’m gonna leave you woman
Bye-bye
(American woman)
You’re no good for me
And I’m no good for you
(American woman)
I’ll look you right in the eye
And tell you what I’m gonna do
You know I’m gonna leave, you know I’m gonna go
You know I’m gonna leave,
I’m gonna leave you woman
Goodbye American Woman

Up all night with Freddie King
I got to tell you, poker's his thing
Booze and ladies, keep me right
As long as we can make it to the show tonight

We're an American Band
We're an American Band
We're comin' to your town
We'll help you party it down
We're an American Band

Four young chiquitas in Omaha
Waitin' for the band to return from the show
A feelin' good, feelin' right and it's Saturday night
The hotel detective, he was outta sight

Now these fine ladies, they had a plan
They was out to meet the boys in the band
They said, "come on dudes, let's get it on"
And we proceeded to tear that hotel down

We're an American Band
We're an American Band
We're comin' to your town
We'll help you party it down
We're an American Band

We're an American Band
We're an American Band
We're comin' to your town
We'll help you party it down
We're an American Band

--- Lead Guitar ---

We're an American Band
We're an American Band
We're comin' to your town
We'll help you party it down
We're an American Band

We're an American Band
We're an American Band
We're comin' to your town
We'll help you party it down
We're an American Band

We're an American Band, wooo
We're an American Band, wooo
We're an American Band, wooo

It is, after all, a free country.

http://www.mountaintheband.com/photogallery/friends/images/VanHalen.jpg

I'm guessing it's the pork.

Totally Mega Illin'?

No, I didnt have it in gear. I know...