Bowling; and the Names chosen therein

We pick "themes". One round, we will all take our names after deceased first ladies. There will be a big fight to see who can come up with the "best" name. Eleanor Roosevelt is choice, but Lady Bird Johnson, who can resist that? Or Dolly Madison, ooh, nice one. Martha Washington and Mary Todd Lincoln, eh, they're OK. Is Pat Nixon dead? Etc. The next round we will be Canadian provinces (three guesses which one I chose) and then maybe "things you can buy at a Pan-Asian supermarket" (I was "Udon Noodles").

In many ways, that's my favorite part about bowling.

One of our goals on this Canada trip is to go bowling in Canada (even though that bandmate is sadly not coming along). We're thinking the ideal place to do this will be the big mall in Edmonton, but then again maybe there is some bowling alley in some more obscure place that would be fun. Lloydminster Llanes awaits!

Sincerely,

JIm Channon
http://www.calgarywinterclub.com/photos/jimchannon.jpg

They weren't very good bowlers.

They saw that we were making up silly names, though, and realized they could do this too. Two of them chose cute but fairly pedestrian names, but one of them decided to name herself BEER. And there she was, giggling and ponytailed, wearing bright clothing, and calling herself Beer.

People I have bowled with who weren't expecting this out of me have said that it looks like my arm will come off with the ball.

No, I don't score all that well (when I was bowling regularly, I was hovering around a 130 average) but bowling well is not what bowling is about.

Also, some of us have scored our own bowling balls. I'm somewhat sad that I don't have my own bowling ball yet.

One is called "Scratches" (or "Scratchy"). It's a 13-pound orange ball that's covered in dents, nicks, and scratches. Because of this, it was usually available, and my fingers fit in it. Big fingers + being a wuss = not having many options.

The other one, which I prefer, is called "Big Hole 'Leven", which always sounds ridiculously naughty to say. It's green, 11 pounds, and is the lightest ball that my fingers will fit in. And therefore it's coveted; you have to arrive at the alley very early to grab Big Hole 'Leven.

Don't you see the issue is boxcutters. We outlaw the boxcutters, and our children are safe. Think of the children, Huck!

I would like to go bowling with them Minor Thirds sometime.

The other song is called "300" and it's yet another song about pisspoor revenge fantasies. It's a fun song to play but I'm not sure whether I actually like it or not. But it's really fun, and sometimes that's enough.

but I was talking about it!

We always took the number of people bowling and turned it into a band. This worked okay, but when there's five people bowling, everyone wants to AXL.

One time we were "people with fabulous hair" and I think Charlotte was Ned, and I was Cher. And this led to me improvising my one-person show, "Love Letters", starring Cher and Ned. Those of you who have heard the Ned speak can only imagine how that turned out.

No, I will not be reprising those roles.

No way Lady Bird is still alive. For reals? She must be 100 years old!

Also, when there are five people bowling, clearly everyone should want to be Big Gay Lance.

Man, I missed out.

We were somewhat wigged out but determined to have a good time. There was a food counter, and they had a sign for four root beers for $5. Awesome, there were four of us, and root beer goes well with bowling. I waited for the wrinkled hobbit-woman to come by and take my order. I said I wanted four root beers. She gave me a funny look, and started hunting around the cash register. It was as if no one had ordered food for a decade, as if they had to start the old generator running again.

I decided against getting fries.

About a year back me and a couple friends went to this old old 8 lane house where the lanes are seemingly never oiled and if you throw a hook like I do it can get pretty tricky. Anyway, we were the only ones in there so we asked the owner for a peek at what goes on with automatic pinsetters in the back. He shows us the clanking, belt driven machinery and tells us that he bought it off of Mickey Mantle when his bowling alley went bankrupt.

He then showed us a matchstick model of the alley that someone had made.

I love bowling alleys.

and on 'pin monkeys', when i lived in chicago i heard that there was one alley left that had people reset the pins, but i never went there.

I was unable to break 100 last time, though, but I was very rusty.

My bowling shoes still fit, though.

I grew up in a pretty small town overrun with bowling alleys, so me and my friends did a lot of theme dress-up bowling nights. Victorian Dandy was the best.