Single Parenthood?

Keep in mind this is not something I say that I would do. . .I'm just gathering opinions and ideas.

The person you bring in has no voice in the matter--it is all yours.

That person will rely on you for everything.

It takes two people to create life. I really don't understand why anyone would want to be the only participant or caregiver.

I think you are very naive but it doesn't make you a bad person at all. If you are so intent on being a parent then adopt.

I feel like defending the single parent side here. I guess I have more exposure to the worst side of couples than most - my ex-wife worked in and then ran a refuge for victims of domestic violence for years, and as well as being a genuine expert in this area, she sat on the child protection committee, overseeing the actions of social services, in our local area - but I'd be surprised if a majority of children have two good parents who don't abuse them, one way or another. I'm sure that one good, loving parent (and I certainly don't think Sam is naive!) is far better than growing up with a bad one. I think Sam's child would be better off than most.

I worry a bit about whether you could cope happily though, Sam. I'd be worried about money, for instance, as your career position sounds to be less than completely secure right now.

sam you're not up on any 'do or die' position yet. make the decision based on where you are right now in life. raising a kid takes a lot of resources, the LEAST important of which is finances. emotional support is key, and other trustable people around to give you a break sometimes. if these factors are in place, and you truly feel like you are ready, then hey, who are any of us to say you nay? but don't do it just because you think there's some kind of biological clock ticking. laur13's last checkup indicated that she's got a nice healthy little girl in there. you could wait another decade and still be fine, no?

if you really want a kid, adopt once you're in your 30s and have your own shit sorted out. it's better for almost everyone.

It's fucking unbearably tiring, and that's even with two people involved in the parenting. To say your life is over when kids come is in some ways an understatement.

anyway i'm not planning anything, just thinking. wanted to get the ilx take on the subject.

Orbit, but aren't these children precisely the ones who need loving parents? Emotionally distrubed children have the right to a family as well and nobody said raising kids was easy.

I'll be in 30 in 3 weeks and part of me would want to still be relatively young when my child graduated and moved out. Would hate to be the oldest paretn at pta, etc.

I have no qualms about it, though I tend to think of it as something an older woman does in an attempt to bring meaning to her life (see Murphy Brown). I think it's only well-informed if you have the financial stabiltiy to pull it off (let alone emotional stability).

A parenting partner does not ever equate itself into my projections of this. Am I naive? How should I proceed?

I would definitely suggest adoption, or some sort of set-up where the likely lad knows that he is to impegnate you -- I think that only works in the movies though -- so I would suggest adoption.

Oh yes, and would you consider me a complete waste or a fuckup? People give up children for adoption because of economic reasons too, fyi. There could be, for example, a 20-year-old waitress who just barely graduated from high school, who found school very difficult and finds life highly difficult, who got orphaned at a very young age and who has lived on her own since she was 18, who works very hard for a very small amount of money, who gives birth to a healthy baby and decides she can't handle the fiscal responsibilities behind becoming a mother, and so she gives up this baby for adoption, hoping that the baby will land with a couple who will give said baby a stable, comfortable home life and a lot more than this very young waitress could EVER give. Doesn't this baby deserve a home?

Sam - if you feel 30 is a do or die age then so be it, but imho i dont see it as that. Although that said, if I was due to turn 30 & was not in the position to have kids with a partner, then it is soemthing i would give serious consideration to. I would hope i would have the strength of character to cope with a child on my own, but I really dont know if i would.

Also, my boyf’s situation, where his ex wants him to disappear out of his kids lives forever to make it easier for her to get on with her life - I’ve seen what it’s doing to him and his children (I know it’s different coz he got to know his children and vice versa) and it’s not pretty.

I’m not a parent, so I’m not really qualified to give an opinion but recent experiences make me think, if you can have a father for your children, do so.

What if it comes to the point where the pregnant woman, were she to choose to keep the baby, ended up finding herself having to choose between feeding herself and feeding her baby, both of which would be disastrous choices? Or what if the woman is barely making ends meet at that moment, and would end up being pushed past the breaking point by the presence of another individual whom she'd have to care for?

It wouldn't be an issue if she would be a "good" parent; she'd actually be better off giving the child up for adoption so she could send the child off to a better and more stable home life than the one she could provide.