cheer me up

please, someone, anyone!

Q: What was the pirate's favorite Star Wars character?
A: AAARRRRRRRRRRR-2D2

:) Awww, sorry about your weekend.

that got a smile! its working!

what is a pirates favorite poison? ARRRRRRsenic.

(sorry if i sounded snippy in chasing amy thread. i actually really you should rent it and then post what you think, if your opinion of the plot changed or whatever. and cheer up!)

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: Molasses?

Q: Nope...

A: Chocolate?

Q: Nope...

A: Poo?!

Q: Nope!

A: Well, what, then?

Q: "A stick!"

(the answer is written in white to keep it a surprise -- cut 'n paste to see it)

i can't come up with jokes as bad as those. You coming to my potluck dinner di? Anyone else wanna come? Its at 118 Canongate, Dunedin, New Zealand at 5:30pm.

What did the king say to the ark? "Can you hold my fat ass, you big fucking boat!?"

Q: What kind of bees make milk?

A: Boobies!!! har-har-har.

Why do Elves often fuck in nuclear testing sites? Becuase they like to squirm like pathetic little bastards

oh this is great, feelin' validated.

sorry i didn't make it hamish, i live in the NEV and bus transport is crap on a sunday. (yeah, i could walk but i'm a lazy schmo).

Two Alskan Fishermen walk into a giant Mouse. "Whats that !" asks a queer mousemate. "Juerty!" They both respond, and fly on.

As told by my brother yesterday:
Did you hear about the IRA copying bin Laden? They hijacked the GoodYear blimp.

I don't have a joke, but let me share my wicked crappy night with you. It'll make you feel better! My girlfriend and I got on subway at 8pm to Grand Central to take Metro North train to New Rochelle to my girlfriend's sister's house. Her sister was going to take us to a place in Westport where we'd meet their parents and watch a friend's band play. Afterwards, we were going to spend the night at her parents and go to the pumpkin patch Sunday morning (today) and get all drunk and eat and have fun (oh yeah, and pick pumpkins). Anyway, it's a family tradition with them. The whole extended family goes on the trip and has a lot of fun.

Anyway, her sister wasn't there. We waited for 45 minutes, then went to eat a pizza and then took the trains back home. We walked in the door at 5 after midnight. Wasted the entire Sat. night. There was a message on the machine from her sister said, "Hi, it's 9:45. We didn't leave already. Like I told you, we were running late, so... we're here! Give us a call"... Her sister's full of shit! First of all, she never "told us" she was running late and second of all, we were on her steps at 9:45! We left the final message on her machine at 10:00, which she was not home to hear or pick up the phone. At 10:00, I also called home and checked my messages: there was no message left at 9:45 from her sister!

Hello!

I am sorry your days have been lousy. I am often of little consolance. But I send you my best wishes.

maria that's beautiful

If it means anything, I think I know the exact feeling. :)

You ought to have a hot cocoa or something - can anyone rub this woman's feet? I've found it's impossible to feel rotten and unworthy of attention while getting a footrub. Next best option, get a tub of hot water, some bath salts, a scrubbie, nailpolish maybe, and give yourself a pedicure. I'm not a foot fetishist or anything by the way - it's just that feet are so often neglected, if they feel better, it seems to carry over.... do I sound totally insane? heh. Hi Di.

sorry about your crappy night nude spock. thanx everyone for making me smile and laugh! i am feeling better now as my work started again today, i had something to do to keep my mind off the self-pity.