Turkey-Flavored Soda! God Save Us All!

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Say, kids, LOVE the great taste of turkey & gravy, but don't have the time to spend all day dressing & cooking it up? Why, it's no trouble now, what with the new "Turkey & Gravy Soda" brought to you by the fine folks at Jones Soda:

JONES SODA CO. TO LAUNCH NEW JONES SODA FLAVOR
November 12, 2003
Seattle, WA, U.S.A. – Jones Soda Co. (the “Company” or “Jones Soda”), announces today that it will introduce a new seasonal flavor in its popular Jones Soda line – Turkey & Gravy flavored beverage.
In time for the Thanksgiving holiday, Jones Soda will launch a limited production of the sugar-free and no carbohydrate Turkey & Gravy flavored beverage in the Washington and Michigan markets...

yay! I live in a test market, too! And this is actually legit, it seems. And a link from CBS News

So! Feel free to begin making horrid puns about "turkeys" and "straws", and dire predictions about the state of western civilization!

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

oh yeah, and here's a nice pic of it, too

mmmmmmm gravylicious!

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Jones has a pretty big reputation too, so this baffles me.

I can't imagine it consisting of anything but turkey cooking runoff maybe diluted a bit with water and shot through with CO2! DAMN!

― Dancing Queen, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

DUDE! I know what I'm mixing my stoli with this holiday season!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

first Pimp Juice now this

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Willy Wonka would be proud.

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Great, first meatpipes and beef pins and now turkey soda.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

FINALLY, a beverage fit to wash down a squid ink pizza. *vomits* *vomits again* *guess what? I'm vomiting*

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I totally want to try this. I might buy a case for the holidays!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sticking with this stuff:
http://www.harpoonbrewery.com/beers/images/labels/winterwarmer.gif

I had my first bottle of the season last night. Yum.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

That's not turkey-flavored!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

How is that Sarah? I should get my in-laws a case of turkey soda for x-mas.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Imagine what your burps taste like after chugging turkey soda. Hurl-fest.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

It's probably a publicity stunt, and a very effective one at that.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

sounds like a nice mixer with cran juice and vodka

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

so so so wrong

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I am feeling curmugeonly today. This is nothing but a publicity stunt. We are now justifying the creation of this soda, by talking about it. Next, soda that tastes like burning tyres.

(Props to nicole, who posted as I worte this.)

― Aimless, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

This sounds great. Just pop it in the microwave for a couple of seconds and you have instant warm fizzy turkey goodness to quench your thirst after a game of b-ball. MMmmmm.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Winter Warmer's great, Chris, or at least I think so. It's hard to read on that graphic, but it's beer with added spices. Basically, it has an after taste of pumpkin pie and cinnamon.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmm. might have to pick some up on the way home.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

soda that tastes like burning tyres.

Already exists:
http://www.bevnet.com/images/reviews/netherworld/netherworld-raven.jpg
black licorice soda.

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

We are now one step closer to the future of eating all food in pill form.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

We will welcome our soda overlords with open arms.

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

discover the wild flavors of EARWAX, DIRT, SPINACH, GRASS, BOOGER, SARDINE, and BLACK PEPPER. And, everyone's favorite, VOMIT.

― Paul Eater (eater), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

this is bullshit, it's just repackaged fried chicken soda

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll LOOOOVE to see the vegan graffiti around the headquarters this morning when my morning bus drives by it.

― donut bitch (donut), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

it's just repackaged fried chicken soda

SUCH A THING EXISTS?!

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

uh, yeah, just give me your credit card number and I'll tell you all about it...

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

oops, this is the news link i should have posted.

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Available for purchase online today only.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 21 November 2003 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

contains less calories then a
typical Thanksgiving Day meal

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 21 November 2003 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, wait -- from the Seattle Times link:

The noncarbonated drink has...

Noncarbonated? Dude, that isn't soda, that's bad gravy. I'm completely uninterested now.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 21 November 2003 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Except bevnet says it is carbonated, and provides the ingredients:

Turkey & Gravy Soda

Ingredients: carbonated water, natural and artificial flavors, salt, caramel color, acacia gum, glucono delta lactone (acidulant), sucrose acetate isobutyrate, medium chain triglyceride, sodium benzoate & potassium sorbate (as preservatives), sucralose (splenda brand)

Nutrition Facts: serving size 12 oz (355 ml); calories 0; total fat 0g; sodium 300mg; total carbs: 0g; sugars 0g

I'm interested again!

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 21 November 2003 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Turkey and Gravy soda sold out within two hours

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 27 November 2003 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

three months pass...

A friend of mine -- who had a "tasting party" where no one was able to swallow more than a sip of "the vile-tasting horror," despite all of them being really into the idea of fucked up soda -- is bringing me his last bottle of this (en route to our trip to Jungle Jim's, appropriately enough).

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:40 (twenty-one years ago)

are you going to drink it all?

― Viva La Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Boy, I doubt it. I can't decide whether to wait for Easter, since it's not on my Lent "diet," or make an exception so I've at least got witnesses that I tried it. When six people who all know it's gravy soda can't force themselves to keep drinking it, I have to wonder at my odds.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:54 (twenty-one years ago)

You drink Moxie. If you can't drink gravy soda, I'll be mightily disappointed.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Moxie's real awesome.

― Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 00:57 (twenty-one years ago)

FUCKIN A RIGHT IT IS.

And I can do it. Look up thread! I was disappointed at the idea of it not actually being soda. But if it's really, really, really terrible -- and not terrible in that interesting way, but terrible like Chek Diet Cherry Cola -- then the cats can have it.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

You can contact them to suggest further flavours, so I've come up with tandoori chicken and yoghurt.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:16 (twenty-one years ago)

yummo!

― ipsofacto (ipsofacto), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Tep what is yr lent diet?

― Viva La Sam (thatgirl), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I gave up junk food and desserts for Lent, just to make up for a) Mardi Gras madness (I spent $40 to have a chocolate king cake shipped) and b) lots of dessert-making from Christmas through Mardi Gras, so that we were having dessert like every day.

Jesus isn't gonna eat me if I lapse or anything, but you know, it's the principle of the thing.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:33 (twenty-one years ago)

That's not true. He will eat you - like a big Tep donut.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I am not a donut of any kind!

Although if I had to be a donut, I suppose a meta-communion donut would be the best kind of donut to be.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:35 (twenty-one years ago)

You might be a donut to Jesus, though.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I am frequently kind and I'm suddenly cruel
I have earned my degree and I'm nobody's fool
And I can't be convicted, I do as I pleases
I might be a cruller or bear claw to you
but I'm always ... a donut ... to Jesus!

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:47 (twenty-one years ago)

It took way too long to halfway remember how that kinda went.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 9 March 2004 01:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 16 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

First there are pineapple zombie blowjobs, and now rotten donkey pee pineapples. A banner year.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 March 2004 22:22 (twenty-one years ago)

And what do you have against the pineapple?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 March 2004 22:22 (twenty-one years ago)

actually pineapple zombie blowjobs was 2003, this is the all new pineapple meme for 2004.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 19 March 2004 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

True, but it's been within the last year, so I counted it.

Perhaps I should have said 'it's shaping up to be another banner year.'

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 March 2004 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Whereas a donkey gently urinating through a rotten pineapple and straight into your mouth is a delightful tastebud explosion?

― Poster Against Superfluous Adverbs (Dan Perry), Friday, 19 March 2004 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I love you, Dan.

And dammit, I should have thought before typing "pineapple." It wasn't an intentional parallel! Pretend I said "coconut," it makes more sense anyway.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 19 March 2004 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

And what do you have against the pineapple?

It appears the correct answer is "a dead, incontinent donkey with an oral fixation".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 19 March 2004 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)

seven months pass...

This Thanksgiving, Jones Soda Co. is offering a limited-run five-pack of novelty flavors based on the classic holiday meal: turkey and gravy, cranberry, and potato, to name a few.

(Bon Appetit, Nov 2004.)

That gives me just enough time to figure out how to carbonate the goo surrounding prepackaged corned beef, and bottle it for St Patrick's Day.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 23 October 2004 00:22 (twenty years ago)

Cabbage soda sould be easy. I'll do it for ya.

― aimurchie, Saturday, 23 October 2004 00:37 (twenty years ago)

one of my best titles...

― Sir Kingfish Beavis D'Azzmonch (Kingfish), Saturday, 23 October 2004 00:45 (twenty years ago)

Hiccup.

― aimurchie, Saturday, 23 October 2004 00:53 (twenty years ago)

I will give eleven dollars to the first person to invent, and give me a sample of, candy corn soda for Halloween.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 23 October 2004 00:58 (twenty years ago)

(TEP!! So good to see you.)

Candy corn soda actually sounds like something I would try out. Once. Out of curiosity. Unlike turkey-and-gravy flavored soda, that is. Urgh.

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 23 October 2004 02:00 (twenty years ago)

I still have a bottle of T&G in the closet, but only because it seems like such a waste to throw out an unopened bottle of soda, and far more of one to open it.

Cranberry soda, though, that'll probably be good (although I generally think Jones soda is too sweet) -- and potato soda could certainly be ... cloudy.

(What could the other two be? Pumpkin pie? French's green bean casserole? Sweet potato? Biscuit? Awkward intracousin sexual tension?)

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 23 October 2004 02:09 (twenty years ago)

Ooh, cranberry soda IS a great idea. A very "accessible" flavor. Maybe pumpkin pie and sweet potato would be a bit more exotic, but certainly not as exotic as biscuit, and certainly not as "eeugh"-ish as "French's green bean casserole" flavor.

(Awkward intracousin sexual tension?

Dude, this actually occurs IRL??)

― Many Coloured Halo (Dee the Lurker), Saturday, 23 October 2004 03:30 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

Luna has revealed to me the full five flavors!

# Turkey & Gravy Soda
# Cranberry Soda
# Mashed Potato & Butter
# Green Bean Casserole
# Fruitcake Soda.

FRUITCAKE SODA!

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:04 (twenty years ago)

Damn page keeps timing out when I try to buy it!

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:10 (twenty years ago)

can you mail me some?

Alternatively my sister in law is in Dallas, mail it to her and I'll pick it up in April.

Tep, where are you based?

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:12 (twenty years ago)

I can if I can get extra -- it's limited edition and bound to sell out quick. I do have a spare bottle of turkey and gravy soda, mind you.

I'm in Indiana, unfortunately.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:14 (twenty years ago)

It's sold out

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:16 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to Target to see if there are any there... I'll buy as many as I can.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:16 (twenty years ago)

It's sold out ALREADY?

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:17 (twenty years ago)

:o(

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:18 (twenty years ago)

Man, it's been on sale less than ninety minutes. I can't get to Target until tomorrow, I wonder if Bloomington is select.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:19 (twenty years ago)

Yup, I FINALLY got through, and it's out. You can put your name on a waiting list, though.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:23 (twenty years ago)

I will check my Target(s) today for it!

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:24 (twenty years ago)

Looking for the waiting list now. The weirdest thing about these sodas, to me, is that they're diet.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:25 (twenty years ago)

oh crap, can I put up with the aspartame throat restriction to try this glorious nectar?

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:25 (twenty years ago)

they're diet? fuck that.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:27 (twenty years ago)

cranberry soda is widely available in worcester, not jones brand though.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:28 (twenty years ago)

See? "Green bean soda? Hey, Cosmo, sign me up! Whoooa-ooaa, DIET green bean soda? Hold your horses, Babaloo!"

They still make Cranberry Schweppes, don't they? I know Polar has a cranberry flavor, I got it last time I was up there.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:30 (twenty years ago)

cranberry schweppes is lovely. i haven't had it in years.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:33 (twenty years ago)

thats right Polar. the factory is down the street from my house. they have a big blow up polar bear on its roof. everyone can see it on the highway, one year some holy cro22 students attached a giant blow up cock to it.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:35 (twenty years ago)

Man, Polar is so fucking good. I don't know why they're not available nationally, or at least as much as Faygo is. The birch beer and the raspberry lime are two things I always get when I visit my mother (although it's almost exclusively Moxie that I lug home, but that's a space issue).

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:39 (twenty years ago)

Polars Orange Dry is my fav.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:40 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, it's like Orangina, only affordable. That was the great thing about Polar when I was a kid, the 89-cent or something 1-liter bottles that would last through a pizza party.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:45 (twenty years ago)

I cry because I have no Polar soda. Or ketchup chips.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 11 November 2004 17:56 (twenty years ago)

I didn't even know ketchup chips existed until my 20s! I discovered them at the same time as Aero bars. The period before that is a dark age.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:03 (twenty years ago)

ketchup chips are hard to find in ma. last time I had them i was 13 and in canada.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago)

The cranberry soda sounds excellent! Lauren is soooo right about cranberry shweppes too, it is an AMAZING vodka mixer.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:08 (twenty years ago)

Other cool Jones news: "select Targets" also now carry twelve-packs of twelve-ounce cans of Jones. No idea how the price compares to Coke, Pepsi, etc., given how expensive Jones bottles tend to be.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:11 (twenty years ago)

Jones soda in CANS? Something seems disappointing about that.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:12 (twenty years ago)

I know, I'm kind of curious about how much it'll affect the taste, but by the same token -- TWELVE WATERMELON SODAS IN MY FRIDGE AT ONCE!

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:16 (twenty years ago)

i have been addicted to the jones' cream soda for some time now and the cans are quite handy and alot cheaper. i really want to try the fruitcake soda, it sounds yummy.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 11 November 2004 18:54 (twenty years ago)

$3.99 for the twelve-packs here, which is considerably cheaper than the bottles (which are what, $2.99 for four bottles?) Very cool. Girlfriend got the cream soda, which I hadn't had in forever and tastes like cotton candy.

We're going back to Target today specifically to see if they have these putative holiday packs, wahoo!

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 November 2004 19:41 (twenty years ago)

I love Jones's Cream Soda. And the kind at the health food store with "Real Madagascar Vanilla." God was that good.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 15 November 2004 19:53 (twenty years ago)

!! It must have cost an arm and a leg! Vanilla is through the roof right now, harvests have been for shit.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 15 November 2004 19:58 (twenty years ago)

X-Entertainment's taste test of the Jones Holiday sodas.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 November 2004 01:08 (twenty years ago)

oh man that picture on the turkey bottle is ADORABLE.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 16 November 2004 01:15 (twenty years ago)

And the mashed potato one, with those poor people passed out from the buttery beverage!

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 16 November 2004 01:21 (twenty years ago)

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