The delivery guy is always stoned.

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The guy who takes your order usually is too.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Add my brother to this.

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

and nickalicious.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

;)

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

And oops

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

and my friend Sleep-o.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I was never stoned while working as a pizza delivery driver. I also never made any deliveries that turned into porn movies. Somehow I felt cheated.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

and this guy who lived in the house with my friends for a few years, Fucko. (a.k.a. Fuck-up, Fuck-Off)

― Jeremy the Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey!
I delivered for Jimmy John's for 3 years and was never stoned once. Okay, one time took a couple hits from a bong cause the customers asked me to---what, was I just supposed to refuse a customer's request?. And wouldn't you know it a cop was waiting at my car when I came out. He gave me a ticket for double-parking! Hello motherfucker, see my hat that says Jimmy John's? I don't wear it to make a fashion statement. What a bitch. I had my hazard lights on and everything.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

and me back in 1992-1997.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

There was that one Onion blurb went s'um like "Everyone Involved In Pizza Preperation, Delivery, and Consumption: Totally High". That was awesome.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

/high

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I delivered for a sammich place for awhile and I honestly couldn't go an entire month without a customer offering me bongrips.

ha ha Mr. B. Sure, not yet. The day is young though!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a friend who delivered pizzas for quite some time and he said it's amazing how often people will come to the door scantily clad ready for that ol' after sexin' pizza.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i haven't had a hit of the squeef in years....it makes me sad. oh wait I lie. A few months ago...

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

The pizza place a few stores down from us in the strip was owned, managed, and, um, worked by stoners. Somehow they had enough money to put a TV commercial on the local stations, featuring a friendly delivery driver with red, droopy eyes. I worked with him at JJs. He was a career stoner: 35 with no ambition more than delivering food and telling me about his white-trash orgies.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I was going to say there is no way you could be stoned doing it when I was thinking back to the hell that was Friday and Saturday rushes. But I just remeber how freaking boring Monday through Wednesdays were.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

DON'T FEAR THE REAPER

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

At one delivery, two guys came to the door grinning ear to ear. "Dude, instead of a tip, how bout we show you two girls in their underwear kissing each other?" I looked in and saw that there were in fact two purdy girls sitting there in their underwear, but was too creeped out by the situation and had them give me my 75cent tip instead.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

you should have said "heres a tip" and threw them a rubber.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Bad choice.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread title reads like a lost fun boy three song title.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

what's there to be creeped out by from two girls kissing? does not compute

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh man.
There was this guy I'd work a weekend night shift for the first few months I was there. THE MOST white trash guy I've ever known. Had less teeth than I have fingers, mangy long hair, and didn't own a phone. Sold me some pretty good mushrooms though. But I digress...
There were two Jimmy John's on campus--one in Champaign where I worked, and one in Urbana. The edge of our delivery area was the quad, ie we were NOT supposed to deliver to any building in it.
I hear Rob on the phone, taking a huge order---like 50 sandwiches. He writes it all down and then asks them where they're at. They say Foellinger Hall, which is in the quad and 50 feet out of our delivery area. So he tells them to call the other store, and hangs up on them. He tells me the people were trying to get him to deliver it anyway, that they were with someone famous and they'd let the delivery driver meet him. They told him who it was, but he "don't know who the heck George Clinton is".

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

The pizza guys here will pick up a pack of smokes for you if you want.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

also Ben & Jerry's.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

has anyone ever had first-hand knowledge of the delivery guy who will bring you a quarter bag?

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

A friend of mine in college worked at a Domino's that sold weed. I'm sure this is not uncommon.

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

when I was a delivery guy at this one place in Louisville, the guy who came in early to make the dough also grew some great hydroponic shit.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

*raises hand to teeny's inquiry*

I had two friends that worked at Sir Pizza a few years back, the lady answered the phones and the dude delivered, they were bf/gf. We had a none-too-sneaky code where we asked for spinach on our pizza (Sir Pizza offers not spinach as a topic).

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I miss driving A LOT. Never was stoned on the job. Drank a beer at a customer's once as I thought I was gonna get my ass kicked if I didn't. I kinda miss the lifestyle which is really weird.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

it must be wonderful to deliver food like you do
to get tips from everyone that you know
to leave surprises waiting outside peoples' doors
when they answer the door for their egg foo yung

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

try to keep a sense of proportion, dada.

― Dada, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I've delivered packs of smokes---after being promised a nice tip, of course---but, nope, never the good kind of smoke.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

but shit man! even if it's not George Clinton, the driver gets $10 plus whatever the customer wants to personally tip you for huge orders like that.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Always wondered how you could drive the delivery van, and be stoned. Weed wouldn't slow down your response time?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

smart stoner deliver guys stick to sativa

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 19:59 (twenty-one years ago)

How the hell do you crash like that? Wow.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I believe pizza delivery places often have small driving radiuses (radii? i dunno. plural of radius.)

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I meant, how do you crash like in the dada pic which is now a link.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously, you'd have to be falling from the sky or something!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

when i used to deliver furniture, i'd occasionally work baked. i was surprisingly un-accident prone.

& that car pic is fucked, must've been a senior.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Or someone trying to leap their car from the top of one building to the next a la GTA3!!!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't smoke anything so I never delivered stoned. Delivered to a crackhouse though, and they paid me with couch change (I saw them dig for it.) Another time 2 guys tried to mug me but I maced them. School memories from Corn Hill in Utica NY, a humungous shithole of small city decay where all the crime comes from NYC to hide and fester.

― sucka (sucka), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

you used to carry mace with you¡¡¡ i can see why, but still...
i think the weirdest place i wound-up at was delivering a mattress to a bawdy house.
a really, really sketchy bawdy house.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

what? I carried mace with me, too. A couple other drivers had guns pulled on them.
There was an area on our delivery map that was X'd out---too dangerous to deliver there. One day the District Manager or some other big-wig was in the store and took a phone order from someone in that area. I tried to explain to him that we don't go there, using visual aids as well. I didn't realize that discriminating like that was illegal. So I delivered there and of course the guy was super-nice and gave me a good tip.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

teeny, you can get quarter bags of all sorts of things delivered in nyc - no pizzas necessary!

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:54 (twenty-one years ago)

If I lived in new york I would just have pretty ladies and pot and blintzes delivered to my apartment constantly.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

(sorry for the objectification, but DAMN new york city is the metropolis of the gods.)

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

it is a real temptation, i tell you!

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

wow you just gave me an idea for the best delivery service ever

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

The onion article above is sadly lost to the ages.

On the other hand, http://www.theonion.com/onion3627/stoner_architect.html

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 10:12 (twenty-one years ago)

That article is in the Tenth Circle of Hell compendium. (i've always wanted to use the word 'compendium' in a sentence)

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 10:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Master Foyer!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

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