Let's close a dark chapter in history and solve this JFK thing once and for all

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40 years ago today, JFK was shot dead by an assassin(s?). The initial story was this: Lee Harvey Oswald killed him, end of story. Sure, it was a little fishy in some respects, as a number of housewives and old men said "Wait a second thar, thar wuz shots from them thar knoll." But those were dismissed for the most part, and Oswald was shot, and everyone assumed the story was over.

But wait! Thanks to Jim Garrison, Jim Marrs, Oliver Stone, and a host of others, a new theory emerged from the ether! A large group of homosexual CIA agents, oilmen, Cuban dissidents, mafioso, high-ranking generals, Allen Dulles, and Lyndon B. Johnson conspired to have Kennedy killed because he thought Vietnam might be a bad idea/Bay of Pigs was a mess/he wasn't too kind on the mob/he was bogarting ladies from Sam Giancana. A team of 27 highly trained assassins armed with darts, rifles, walkie-talkies situated themselves underneath the overpass, on the grassy knoll, in the book depository, in another office building, under Connelly's seat, in Jackie's hat, and in Zapruder's camera, and took him out! "He could not be allowed to escape alive!"

Er, I still think Oswald did it though. =|

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 22 November 2003 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I did it. Eight years before I was born. I was that good.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 November 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

You and Woody Harrelson's dad?

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 22 November 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

We're THAT GOOD.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 November 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Here you go, take your pick

― Kerry (dymaxia), Saturday, 22 November 2003 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Anybody seen Dear Fidel? I was only half paying attention to it and missed exactly who she said admitted to plotting the assasination.

― oops (Oops), Saturday, 22 November 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I like how Posner's now crying "conspiracy" re: Clinton & "the failed war on terror." He seems blissfully unaware of what a "buff" he sounds on the talkshows, to coin his sneering terminology. When you look into the void etc; be careful battling monsters, etc; it's just so wonderfully classic. "The lone nut--er, voice--that dares speak the truth!" And meanwhile the leftish "buffs" themselves are left new fuel for their "Posner's agenda" counterargument.

― jackson anderville, Saturday, 22 November 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I like how "Posner" is used without a first name to refer to some conspiracy theorist

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Saturday, 22 November 2003 23:44 (twenty-two years ago)

can we handle the truth?

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 22 November 2003 23:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Jackie did it.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 23 November 2003 00:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Dom that is ILL

― calstars (calstars), Sunday, 23 November 2003 02:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i don't care who did it, as long as 'the grassy knoll' remains in use

― ron (ron), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:18 (twenty-two years ago)

as in 'if there's grass on the knoll you can play ball'?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Jim Garrison used false testimony and was a bad egg overall and I will hate Oliver Stone until the day I die because he gave that two-bit, good-for-nothing, lying loser immortality and made him into some kind of a hero.

On the other hand, I have now become a fan of the ABC News organization, and I like that Peter Jennings fellow. Yay for forensic technology and the unbiased wisdom of scientific evidence!

― Pancakes For Breakfast! (Dee the Lurker), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:31 (twenty-two years ago)

did he mispronounce 'schedule' again?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 23 November 2003 05:32 (twenty-two years ago)

But if we figure the whole thing out where will all the conspiracy freaks who spend their days at Dealy Plaza go?

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Sunday, 23 November 2003 08:20 (twenty-two years ago)

back to the arcades?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 23 November 2003 08:22 (twenty-two years ago)

nah, not arcade types. Think the conspiracy guy from Slacker (who's a regular at my bar) but about ten years older and much sadder.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Sunday, 23 November 2003 08:40 (twenty-two years ago)

anticonspiracy theorist is the point

― jackson anderville, Sunday, 23 November 2003 09:30 (twenty-two years ago)

three years pass...

this didn't get very far i see.

― pisces (piscesx), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 18:38 (nineteen years ago)

I find it odd that in recent years, many more have been suggesting that Oswald was the only guilty party....even in the face of that proclamation by that congressional subcomittee that there was probably a conspiracy.

― peepee (peepee), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 19:07 (nineteen years ago)

TEXAS IS THE REASON

― Edward III (edward iii), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 19:11 (nineteen years ago)

danzig knew the score

― feed latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 19:46 (nineteen years ago)

I find it odd that in recent years, many more have been suggesting that Oswald was the only guilty party

Backlash. Conspiracy theories sold out and went mainstream. Among people who care about this kind of thing, it's now way cooler to be in the Oswald-blaming minority. A few really serious purists say it was Leon Czolgosz, but Oswald's the spot with the conspiracy-theorist street cred.

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 19:57 (nineteen years ago)

even in the face of that proclamation by that congressional subcomittee that there was probably a conspiracy.

yeah but what self-respecting paranoid conspiracy freak is going to believe congress?
"right, a conspiracy... that's just what they WANT you to think."

― chicago kevin (chicago kevin), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

xpost: "I find it odd that in recent years, many more have been suggesting that Oswald was the only guilty party"

I think the reason for this is that it has now become seen as an original, controversialist position. It's also a simple explanation and it's nice and easy to defend:you just dismiss all the evidence to the contrary as hippy paranoia.

― Soukesian (Soukesian), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

I like Nabisco's Leon C. theory better.

― Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

Among people who care about this kind of thing, it's now way cooler to be in the Oswald-blaming minority

This reminds me of a few formally far-lefto friends who are now passionately pro-Iraq-warmongers.

― peepee (peepee), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

So... are UFO's aliens again, instead of Russians?

― StanM (StanM), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

oswald probably did it.

― roger goodell (gear), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

A few really serious purists say it was Leon Czolgosz

NICOLE, SAY IT AIN'T SO

― The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah seriously, I wasn't kidding about backlash!

― nabisco (nabisco), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:06 (nineteen years ago)

the 70s are back

― roger goodell (gear), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:09 (nineteen years ago)

Oswald totally did it but the dude was a certainly former CIA fake-communist which raises ISSUES. But you'd think that whoever is actually responsible did this to direct attention away from them.

― UART variations (ex machina), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:14 (nineteen years ago)

for some reason it feels like DeLillo's Libra is probably closest to capturing the spirit of what happened.

― feed latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:21 (nineteen years ago)

WHERE IS GEAR AND HIS MASTERLY KNOWLEDGE OF 'JFK'?

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:23 (nineteen years ago)

kennedy's as dead as that crab meat!

― roger goodell (gear), Wednesday, 24 January 2007 20:58 (nineteen years ago)

This reminds me of a few formally far-lefto friends who are now passionately pro-Iraq-warmongers.

-- peepee (citywideva...), January 24th, 2007
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/39/180px-Christopher_Hitchens_2.jpg

― Hoosteen (Hoosteen), Thursday, 25 January 2007 00:05 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/1228092jfkpic1.html

― shartin jort (am0n), Monday, 28 December 2009 19:19 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/28/president-john-f-kennedy-photograph-jfk-photo-boat-yatch-nude-naked-women-mediterranean-sea-jackie-kennedy-ted-kennedy-senator-george-smathers-election/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

― shartin jort (am0n), Monday, 28 December 2009 19:19 (sixteen years ago)

president-john-f-kennedy-photograph-jfk-photo-boat-yatch-nude-naked-women-mediterranean-sea-jackie-kennedy-ted-kennedy-senator-george-smathers-election

― shartin jort (am0n), Monday, 28 December 2009 19:19 (sixteen years ago)

wat a disaster for tmz

― shartin jort (am0n), Monday, 28 December 2009 19:25 (sixteen years ago)

Geez. Everyone knows it was La Cosa Nostra and their Cuban buddies who were hired by the CIA to kill JFK because of The Bay of Pigs made everyone look so bad. Then the CIA sent H. Howard Hunt to the grassy knoll to kill the real assassin, Leon Czolgosz, right after that Soviet Red stooge Oswald fired his blanks from the Texas Book Repository. Jack Ruby, however, was working for LBJ.

So, where's the mystery for ILX to solve, eh?

― Aimless, Monday, 28 December 2009 19:37 (sixteen years ago)

oswald was trying to prevent the assassination

― stanleylieber, Wednesday, 30 December 2009 00:19 (sixteen years ago)

four months pass...

The most disturbing thing about all of it is that the US gov't put away mountains of evidence in a TOP SECRET vault and said "American people, you elected this president, you trusted in him, and you all watched him die live on TV, and we aren't going to let you know the full facts because it is a National Security concern". National Security concern? Someone just killed a President, what else can they do? For fucking real!!

The ironic thing, I suppose, is that the big national threat was those evil Russians, who wanted to take over the world and impose total communist control over governments, creating international socialist states of fear which would be perpetuated by the evil commie method of KEEPING SECRETS ABOUT ASSASSINATED PUBLIC FIGURES FROM THE PEOPLE.

To a child of the 80s, it all sounds like full-on Bush-era Orwellian state gov't coverup mode. No wonder people thought 911 was an inside job.

― Adam Bruneau, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 15:40 (fifteen years ago)

i read American Tabloid so i got the scoop, crazy shit

― you better check that sausage before you put it in the rofl (M@tt He1ges0n), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 15:46 (fifteen years ago)

eight years pass...

okay so here is how i break it down to an extent:
Oswald was CIA; the CIA plotted to kill Kennedy, probably in collaboration with or funded by the mafia, after he refused to send military support during the Bay of Pigs. His policies threatened their (the CIA's) existence and Kennedy also wanted the US out of Vietnam -- the CIA had their own interests at play and were trying to install their own puppet. BASICALLY Oswald was a patsy who was murdered by Jack Ruby, and Jack Ruby was employed, ultimately by the CIA (through the mafia), to take care of Oswald before he could talk. I'm pretty sure that while Oswald may have been A shooter, he was not the only one, and the shot that killed JFK was fired from the grassy knoll by parties unknown? right?

― ian, Saturday, 13 October 2018 00:15 (seven years ago)

Probably

― Οὖτις, Saturday, 13 October 2018 00:23 (seven years ago)

No.

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Saturday, 13 October 2018 07:05 (seven years ago)

https://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2018-04/e-jwn042518.php

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Saturday, 13 October 2018 07:09 (seven years ago)

seven years pass...

I have received a hard copy of the report on JFK’s assassination from the Ambassador of Russia. A team of experts is enroute to my office in the morning to begin translation and full review of documents.

We will be uploading as soon as we can.

Thank you again to everyone…
— Rep. Anna Paulina Luna (@RepLuna) October 14, 2025

― A floating crown, but an extremely small one (President Keyes), Wednesday, 15 October 2025 20:11 (five months ago)

https://i.imgur.com/dICvDta.gif

― The Luda of Suburbia (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 15 October 2025 21:36 (five months ago)

Not much chance that new evidence on the JFK assassination would have any contemporary political repercussions, even if the DNA of a large group of extreme right wing conspirators was obviously plastered all over the subsequent rise of 'movement conservatism' in the 70s, 80s and 90s. Few people would connect the dots to today's politics or feel any kind of shock at seeing the connection.

― more difficult than I look (Aimless), Thursday, 16 October 2025 04:12 (five months ago)

last i heard, ted cruz’s dad did it

― z_tbd, Thursday, 16 October 2025 04:33 (five months ago)

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