Exciting things = BORING

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Okay, some of what I'm about to type may seem odd, but I've been noticing it for a while. I'd be sitting there and suddenly, "there it is... wait, what is it?" Okay, it took me a while to identify it, but it has always been a feeling of... angst, I guess?

The lights and flash of award shows, action scenes in movies, watching bands play live, going on scary amusement park rides, getting a brand new computer, getting drunk with a bunch of old friends-- all these things leave me cold, with a placemarker in my heart and mind that says "insert fun/excitement emotion here".

Oh, I still like sex, don't get me wrong. That's almost biologically inescapable, but nowhere near like when I was a kid. In fact, a lot of times, I'll watch porn for a while and find I am daydreaming about work or things to do (as opposed to the other way around) or I'll think about sex for a good half hour prior to actually engaging in it and can't seem to excite myself into it all that much. It's not that I need viagra or something. I can still do it, I just don't care that much about it until I'm already midway into it or something.

I guess what I'm really trying to say here is that I've got problems. Who's with me?

Nude Spock, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This sounds like anhedonia - mild depression where things that ought to cause joy don't. You could make yourself do boring things to the point where the exciting things seem so again.

Tom, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That's weird because I really am more content than I've ever been before. Things don't bother me on a daily basis because I understand them in different ways, I've got a great girlfriend as opposed to a selfish twit... more friends. What you say scares me because of Jarboe's "Anahedoniac" album. I wouldn't want to be like her. She's in her own little hell.

Nude spock, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Aha! 'Great girlfriend'? Once you're happily paired off your brain and soul go into deepfreeze. Cryogenic storage can be fun too, relax. Then again, not being excited by action movies or drunken friends might mean your brain is waking up!

dave q, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Anhedonia = original title for Annie Hall (use other facts please?) >>> Node Spuck = Woody Allen??!!¿¿¡¡

mark s, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmmm. Doing my adopted Asian daughter 1/3 my age just might be different enough to excite me...

Nude Spock, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Seriously, a bit of that kind of misbehaviour might help: disappear for 2 days, or have a one-nighter, or get in a fight?

Be dice man for a month then try to pick up the pieces?

chris, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

ooohh how i know what you mean. often i can't be arsed to see bands, read books, see films etc these days. it's not that i don't want to, it's just that they don't seem to be as exciting as they used to be and by the time you've dragged yourself out of the house the place is full of YOUNG people who seem to know how to have a much better time than you do. and then so you get drunk, which only leads to hangovers and shouting at your boyfriend and subsequent remorse. it's crap. i'd rather stay at home and try to sleep.

i'm hoping this is just seasonal affective disorder, or subconscious terror of impending war or something. it's not like i'm seriously depressed, it's just a background fuzz of vague gloom... hmm. i'm also hoping it's not because i took Ecstacy about 10 times and my brain receptors have gone numb (the drugs don't work for me)

i suggest listening to Duran Duran though, that helped for a bit!

katie, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Katie, you need to sleep more. And get a new job. And get Amos drinking.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You might be content but content is so level. I think to experience joy you have to experience rage and sorrow too. That tends not to happen when you are content.

The lights and flash of award shows, action scenes in movies, watching bands play live, going on scary amusement park rides, getting a brand new computer, getting drunk with a bunch of old friends-- all these things leave me cold, with a placemarker in my heart and mind that says "insert fun/excitement emotion here".

I'm so with you about that stuff. I've never experienced fun/excitement in relation to those sorts of things. I always suspected that no-one else did either but that they had been told that those things were fun so many times that they just believed that they were enjoying them when they weren't.

The things that gave me joy in the past were holograms and tropical fish.

The things that have given me joy recently have been chatting microwaves & bleached flour on ILE and debating racism with a friend's intelligent, opinionated brother. I love meeting people who realise that when you disagree with them you are not saying they are a bad person, they are getting harder and harder to come by though.

toraneko, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Being content is dull. Being emotional is at least engaging, though not very restful. I don't know which I want right now. I don't have any advice for you, I'm afraid, though. Perhaps the do-something-bad bit is good.

Maria, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think you need to rediscover what you liked about things in the first place, or not put so much emphasis on enjoying things (it's a reflex)...Exciting things becoming boring happens often to me, easily jaded. So, I sympathise with you. Maybe, just try doing something totally different one day?

jel, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I totally agree that 'exciting' things are pretty boring, like those movie and TV trailers where they try to cram in as many fraught confrontations and explosions per second as modern editing will allow.

I think that pleasures have to be active, not passive. Personally, I find pleasure in work. I love making music, and I love singing and showing off in front of people.

The last month or so has been pretty bad for me: I had to leave my girlfriend behind in Japan, I came back to New York after three months away and world war three broke out on my doorstep. On top of that, I fell out with my best friend here because I told her I didn't understand her work (ie I thought her painting was weak). My only consolation -- and it's a huge one -- is performing at CMJ and on the upcoming US tour with Stereo Total, which will be a genuine pleasure (apart from the unavoidable air travel).

Momus, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Fret not, Momus, we'll cheer ya up. Are the LA tickets on sale yet? And do you need a place to stay the night? We're down in OC, admittedly.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 8 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)


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