A guy not coming / coming too late.

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This is something I've been thinking of lately; I'm not sure whether it's a personal problem or not a problem at all. First of all, I assume that during sex it's generally the guy who comes first. But what if the girl comes first, or the guy doesn't come at all? I've been told by a partner that it's okay if I keep "humping" even though she's already reached an orgasm, but I still feel kinda embarassed, and often stop. So I'm asking you guys, does this happen to you often? And ladies, what are your thoughts on a "late-comer"?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I would have thought it was better if the lady comes first. I guess it depends on the lady in question though, she may be ok with you carrying on or she may like to stop. I think it comes (ahem) down to personal preference.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Wot PinkP said.

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, clearly it is the worst thing in the world to have a guy who lasts more than 10 minutes; in fact, I can't imagine anything that could be possibly worse for sex!

(I am obviously lying in case this is unclear)

(Also keep going until you get off, not coming at all is kind of a dud because mentally you are like, "Uh ok, I guess I'm not that hot or something" and also hello more orgasms for girl)

(obviously that last bit of advice is no good if she tells you to stop cos you've been going for like 8 hours, all Sting-like or something)

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

(yeah, sometimes gurls get sore down there)

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

*slinks away embarrassed*

― Sting (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

So do guys. So as long as you havent' gone so long that everyone's in pain, you're good, Tuomas.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally is otm, loads of scope for multiple! mmmm mmmm

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

stop when it's no longer enjoyable for both

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, but if it's still enjoyable for one, keep up the bangbangbang!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Why do you keep restating everything I said, Horace? Are you imitating me or something? WTF?

This thread is making me pissed off at the whole Thanksgiving holiday.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Turkey rubs me the wrong way.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Where does Liam Neeson fit into all this?

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

He doesn't?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Needing to look at a porno in order to 'finish' - C or D

― dave q, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

having a finishing move, c or d?

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I've always felt kinda weird talking much during sex, and I think asking "Well, have you had enough? Should I stop?" could ruin the mood. But I trust most gals will tell me when to stop without asking. And Ally is right, guys can get sore too, this is another reason why I don't always want to keep humping ad infinitum, just hoping that The Big O will eventually come.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow I'm even more glad I'm not having sex with either of you.

xpost: Tuomas what do you think the "problem" is here though? I mean how long does it take you and why do you think you aren't getting off? Haha these are questions that really are none of my business at all!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

having a finishing move, c or d?

This makes it sound like you're playing Street Fighter 2 or something and you bust out a fatality, except instead of a fatality it's a nut.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Like with most sex issues, communication is key. You might also see if there's a way to speed yourself up. Possibly related thread.

― bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

And Ally is right, guys can get sore too, this is another reason why I don't always want to keep humping ad infinitum, just hoping that The Big O will eventually come.

http://img.rubberslug.com/user/7e6977c5232740b3a213873ebf4d0994/6900-3608318-big-o-pic-awesome.jpg

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

yowza, glad I am not sex with you any of having with.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Tuomas what do you think the "problem" is here though?

The problem is I'm not always sure whether I should continue after she has climaxed, and this is something that's not always easy to talk about with your partner. The one girl I have talked with about this says it's okay to go on, and most of the ladies here seem to be on agreement... I guess I can trust for my partner to express when it doesn't feel good anymore. I don't want to be this pig of a man who doesn't care the least bit about the woman's pleasure.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

This makes it sound like you're playing Street Fighter 2 or something and you bust out a fatality, except instead of a fatality it's a nut.

Street Fighter 2 didn't have fatalities or finishing moves.

Ummm.... yeah.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

You're trying too hard (ahem), if she's had an orgasm already just relax and enjoy yourself!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

whoa, whoa, whoa...you're worried about appearing to not care about her pleasure by going beyond her orgasm?

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

The problem is I'm not always sure whether I should continue after she has climaxed, and this is something that's not always easy to talk about with your partner.

indeed -- so much easier in front of a whole crew of strangers.

― enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is the type of thing John Gray gets all hot over.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"is it time for pizza yet?" usually works

― kephm, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan's post is the best thing ever.

Anyway Tuomas it sounds like the problem is you are overthinking and/or being self conscious which will make it v. difficult to have an orgasm anyway. Trust me, if the amount of time it takes you to have sex becomes a problem, you'll find out one way or another, so my advice to you is to stop thinking about it so much while in the act and you will find it'll become better for you.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

this doesn't happen in Chris B Sure's world. I'm done in 30 seconds, my wife can fend for herself.

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely this is one of the things you SHOULD be able to discuss with a partner. In the meantime though, I am sure she'll stop you if she wants to.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Comment cards exist for a reason.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely this is one of the things you SHOULD be able to discuss with a partner.

You're right, but it also depends on the partner. Some girls take longer to come, but my current partner isn't one of them, so this was something we had to discuss because it kept happening all the time. But if I'm with someone new, I'm not sure whether I could just say: "By the way, I may keep humping you even after you've come".

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

There are ways other then "the humping" to finish off either partner. I mean, think about if the genders were reversed and you finished first, would you be that baffled as to what to do?

― bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Why would you have to say that anyway? If you want to carry on & she isn't moving you off her, then what's the problem?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

If she has a big orgasm or she doesn't want to carry on with sex, then she will make sure that you don't carry on. If you're lucky she may get you off another way.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I would hope that most PEOPLE, let alone women, would agree that sex shouldn't stop just because one partner has had an orgasm! It's like you're turning it into a race where whoeever comes first "wins" and the other person has to slink off to the bathroom all frustrated.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Particularly when one of the people can lap the other.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

yeh but in this case you can't win the race without spraying the champagne FIRST

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Quote from my girlfriend: "Hey, I had mine, as far as I'm concerned you can do whatever you'd like." Although I ended stopping anyway, because it was the second go round on a worknight and I was tired.

― assadf, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess your right, I'm probably being oversensitive, that's the way I often act. Thanks for the nice words!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.bfi.org.uk/collections/release/loneliness/images/main.jpg

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

take a break, resume
have the girl get on top after her 1st orgasm
call up your other lover for round two

― kephm, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Dan's advice at crying out "I win!" is good. Maybe even better if you follow it up with a slew of trash-talk. "You got nothin'! I owned you!" Then you do a little touchdown dance.

― bnw (bnw), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I like how sensitive you are, Tuomas! I don't think this is anything I've much discussed with my lady friends, so I have only personal experience here. Usually I'm just fine with letting the boy continue; last night though I had such a FUCKING GREAT orgasm that I was pretty much incapacitated and I told my boy no way could I deal with anything other than rolling over and going to sleep. I feel a little bad but I think he was pretty proud of himself so oh well.

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

doesn't anyone yell BINGO any more?

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

This whole thread is Tuomas trying to pick up ILX ladeez. Just admit it.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm more of a YAHTZEE! kinda guy

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

no shit

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 192 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Enrique, if you've taken off during the missionary you're either doing it wrong or very, very right.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

god i hate this thread!

― enrique (Enrique), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:03 (twenty-one years ago)

The Missionary Position

Maybe people were wowed by nice missionary outfits?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

why didn't ile exist when i was in my 20's?

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

(personally, I think it's probably my favourite, or at least variations on it. I tend to prefer to be in control, and it gives me that, plus a lot of manouvreability and accuracy of movement)

(x-post)

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I quite like it too actually. At least it works well for me with regards to this thread's theme!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

missionary is my least favourite, unless its the first time. missionary is good for a guy NOT coming pp?

― gaz (gaz), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

that's a good thread. tom was otm, i think, hating on the missionary position is rockist.

― enrique (Enrique), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

is it gaz?? I would disagree, but then i aint a guy!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't get me wrong, I am not a 'missionary position of nothing buddy' kind of gal!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Missionary is good for a guy not coming as he has far greater control over the stimulation he's getting rather than if the woman was taking the lead. It's also the best position for when you're motionless, you can take a break (as it were) and cuddle, kiss, gaze into each others' eyes etc.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

'Performance' in bed is NOT about how many orgasms you can give a woman with your PENIS.

"Performance" in bed is all about how many orgasms you can give a woman with your elbows! GET IN THERE! (ooh unfortunate word choice, sorry)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, it could be Dan! Stranger things have happened.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:52 (twenty-one years ago)

FEAR MY MIGHTY ELBOWS

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:53 (twenty-one years ago)

er, that's your ass dude

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 28 November 2003 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

as alibi fer whoever, i did say 'more power to yer elbow' to martin upthread.

― enrique (Enrique), Friday, 28 November 2003 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

(I'm still trying to decide whether I want to actually engage with this conversation or hide behind jokes. I think the interesting part might be done already.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 November 2003 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

God I really hope I didnt use the word 'rockist' on that thread.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Friday, 28 November 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

the people's elbow

and rock bottom

― the rock, Friday, 28 November 2003 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

tom, no you didn't literally say it, but i thought there was definite poppist subtext, ie you compared it [the missionary position] to the top forty.

― enrique (Enrique), Friday, 28 November 2003 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Hello, have I missed anything?

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 28 November 2003 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, where were you looking? Left a bit...

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 28 November 2003 16:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't get the reference to 'coming too late'. Not coming at all is a concept I can deal with, but my mind boggles at the idea of coming too late. How late? When you've left the house?

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 28 November 2003 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

How do boys feel about *their own* non-penatrative orgasms?

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 28 November 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never had an orgasm through being penetrated.

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 28 November 2003 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

that's not what I meant, but hey that's a good angle on the question too! To be clear, I mean how do boys feel about their own orgasms achieved in the context of sexual activity with a partner but not during the act of penetration? Does it feel as real/are you as satisfied if you're jerking off for her voyeuristic pleasure, or if you're making out and rubbing against each other, for example?

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 28 November 2003 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

also we have not heard enough about same-sex situations on this topic!

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 28 November 2003 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

well that killed the thread.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 28 November 2003 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Personally, I've never found any great difference from an orgasm however it's caused. I don't enjoy manual as much along the way, but whether it's oral or vaginal or anal seems to be all very good indeed. Variety is good.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 28 November 2003 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

TS: elbow vs armpit

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 November 2003 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

orgasms = classic in whatever capacity

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 28 November 2003 21:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I was gonna post this on the missionary sweets thread that was linked to upthread, but that's been locked, so:

Haribo macht kinder froh
Und erwaschene ebenso!

― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Saturday, 29 November 2003 00:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I just like reading these threads so I can see what Tracer Hand claims he 'would' and 'wouldn't' do!

― someone!, Saturday, 29 November 2003 01:05 (twenty-one years ago)

also we have not heard enough about same-sex situations on this topic!

NOT A THREAD KILLER. I will say this -- Just because you've got two females going at it doesn't mean they know the secrets to unlocking the female orgasm. Getting off has never been a big goal of mine. But naturally, I try/pray/wishuponastar to get her off with every sexual encounter.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Saturday, 29 November 2003 04:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not going to elaborate on this but this thread, including my contribution, is complete bullshit and rereading the whole thing just now reminded me how much everyone on earth likes to take their own very specific personal quirks and behaviors and make them out to be universal facts.

Though I will say I totally have the same experience as Kate vis a vis guy doesn't come = "God I am hideous".

― Allyzay, Saturday, 29 November 2003 07:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally I've always thought your comments on threads like these were really honest and free from generalisations etc etc. You make this sort of thing quite interesting.

― maryann (maryann), Saturday, 29 November 2003 07:47 (twenty-one years ago)

my response is similar to Kate and Ally's although not "I'm not attractive" as much as "I'm not as good at this as I thought! Let me keep trying please!!"

FWIW, and largely due I think to the various pyschotropic meds I've been on, orgasm during sex is not that important to me.

― A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 29 November 2003 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)

isn't it the case for a lot of people that 'missionary' is the worst position with regards to both men and women orgasming (maybe not a word but i like that it features 'ming', haha)

Really? From what I've heard, it's supposed to be beneficial for the female orgasm because it allows indirect stimulation of the clitoris, whereas some other positions, like the "doggy style", don't.

By the way, I agree with Ally, you shouldn't generalize your own experiences to "all men are like this" or "all women are like this". But that doesn't there aren't similar experiences for many, and it's interesting to discuss about them, as well as about our personal differences.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 29 November 2003 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally, all we *can* talk about is our own experiences, unless we're Kinsey or whoever. Don't read it like we're all decreeing what is and isn't true.

― Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 29 November 2003 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I like to jizz

― TOMBOT, Sunday, 30 November 2003 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I like not to, so as to make the woman think she's hideous.

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 30 November 2003 02:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I love when people don't bother to read the bit of what I say that says "including myself".

This is so not something I'm explaining. Tuomas--you're fine. Don't worry one bit about yourself at all. Martin--I didn't take what you said as bragging, though it was WAY TOO MUCH INFO. Matt--You just made me laugh, kisses. Sam & Kate--You are OTM in basically all yr posts.

― Allyzay, Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

this can happen if you're nervous, if you masturbate too frequently or without enough variation, if you're tired or drunk, or if the girl you've stuck your dick in is hideous

― cinniblount (James Blount), Sunday, 30 November 2003 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Gah, Ally - I read your post fine. How does your response alter "the whole thing just now reminded me how much everyone on earth likes to take their own very specific personal quirks and behaviors and make them out to be universal facts"??

― Markelby (Mark C), Sunday, 30 November 2003 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"whooooa whoooooooooooo SHIT JESUS!! GAH FUCK!!"

"Silence!! i'm concentrating on pleasure!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 30 November 2003 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

HAHAHAHAHA!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 December 2003 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

This happened to me this weekend for the first time in recent memory, and the next day, I was thinking about this thread, and how I'm shocked that it was a bit useful with real life sex experiences.

I ran into a friend of a friend at a club, it was hot and heavy at the club and really quite nice at home as well. But it just wasn't happening for him.

And at first, the fact that I'd read most of this helped with the experience. Although I admit that I was wondering why he wasn't coming, I decided to learn from some of the experiences here and assume that he was nervous or drunk or whatever, rather than I am disgusting and he wasn't enjoying it at all.

But he didn't even send the obligatory text saying "I had a really nice time, see you around," so maybe it WAS me! :(

― Does it really matter?, Monday, 8 December 2003 11:12 (twenty-one years ago)

He probably just felt all fucked up about it.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 8 December 2003 11:20 (twenty-one years ago)

ie It's not you.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 8 December 2003 11:20 (twenty-one years ago)

after reading this thread i have the uncomfortable suspiscion that these posts will infiltrate my brain the next time i have sex, especially "i like to jizz" thank you tombot. my ability to climax will no doubt be compromised, nevermind the poor guy.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Monday, 8 December 2003 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

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