Office Secret Santa: WHY

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What the fuck is wrong with people that they actually think this is a good idea? I don't have money to buy my own family gifts this year really, but apparently I have $30 to spend on a random asshole I work with that I picked out of a hat.

How do you bow out of this gracefully?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Leave your job.

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

remove eyes from skull
with your thumbs; proceed to piss
in sockets; smoke cig.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

or say 30 dollars is way too much, you'll join in at 5 dollars

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

i think you can get a good size knife for $30.

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

$30 worth of rat poison in a bottle marked "Drink Me"? (More seriously, I just never respond to the imploring e-mails along these lines.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

You could tell them to shove it, and quit. You'd become a folk hero.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Give them one of those "I've donated $30 in your name to the Whatever Whatever Charity" card, and then don't. They'll feel vaguely good about it.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

You could sign up and then have your gift be a paper hat made out of the last memo you received!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Get him this and a tube of KY.

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

so, take a page from
elephant man and show them
the fuck you sign, ok?

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Tep wins!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

even worse is when they make you do secret santa for some group of needy kids -- if you don't spend $30 on some stupid toy you're going to hell obv.

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

it's just depressing. I'm going to be here still when this is going on.

I also found out today that I'm pretty much being jacked, yet again, on vacation days so I'm in a worse mood than normal (I should have two left, cos I made a point out of taking as much as possible this year instead of my customary 2 week left over gone forever bullshit, but they jacked up and never gave me back the two days that I ended up NOT taking and now they are just like haha tough luck, you can't prove you came in, and I'm like this is not worth my time, in fairness my boss was like, "I don't really give a shit" but HR is like "We do because we hate you inexplicably and are always harrassing you for no damned reason").

No Christmas for me! Fuck you company.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I was just asked to give $$$ for someone's retirement gift. It's the first time anyone's spoken to me "socially" (except for one person, but she's new and doesn't know better yet) in over a week.
I said I'll think about it. When I'm dead and buried!

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, you didn't send any emails to coworkers on the days in question?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

i have never seen
such a bunch of grumpy gits;
better to give, etc.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldn't mind it if the Secret Santa was for a children's charity! I do try to buy something from the toy tree for the children's charities every year, you know how they have them at like Starbucks and Macys and stuff.

As opposed to the "Stupid People I Work With WHo All Get Paid In The Six Digits" Charity.

xpost Jess would you like to purchase my office Secret Santa gift for me then, cowboy?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, um, just don't do it? What are they going to do, fire you?

(I actually don't mind secret santa, we do it at my office and I at least get some candy and a gift certificate).

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

ally, calling me
a cowboy won't make it so,
without assless chaps.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

If I don't go pick they're FORCING a person on me. So if I don't do it then someone will buy me a gift and I won't have a gift to return :(

I used to not be this way you know.

xpost: jess that haiku thing is really freaking me out now.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, pick someone you reasonably like, then you'll just be buying a present for a friend. And if they force someone you don't like on you, then you won't feel bad for not getting them a present.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

That's not how the picking works, it's random names in a hat.

I wasn't planning on buying much of anything for people I DO like in this office this year, either.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

take a page from famed
rapper eminem and put
anthrax on tampax

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

have fun with it. secret santa can be a great opportunity to fuck with people heads.
woman = buy a diet/healthy cooking book
man = buy women's underwear/buttplug
or perhaps a basket of deodorant & breath mints.
do they have to find out who got them the gift¿ if no, get them something even worse

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

like tickets to that Boy George musical

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

PAPER HAT!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

why not try vouchers
for mcdonalds, delicious
30 bucks of fat

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

or sexy underpants for a gender that isn't theirs

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing is, it's not even that, I mean I really don't have the money to spare. And $30! Who the hell even heard of a Secret Santa being this expensive.

(FWIW he originally wanted to make it $50 and pushes for $50 EVERY YEAR)

(Also I mentioned this to one of my bosses, that I cannot afford this and he's like, "It's only $30, $40, what the hell?" WTF?)

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Upon reflection while doing the dishes, I genuinely like my idea.

Ally wins: She doesn't spend $30 she doesn't have to spend.

Officedude wins: S/he has the vaguely satisfied feeling of being somehow involved in the betterment of the world, and doesn't have to wait in line to return copy #3 of Politically Incorrect Fairy Tales, or make a show of liking some oddly selected gift they feel bemused by at best.

Charity wins: It's not like money was taken from them, and they wouldn't have gotten the $30 anyway, so they're not losing a donation, they're gaining publicity.

I RULE.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Steal $30 worth of paper from the copy room and use it to make a gigantic paper hat. JUST TRUST ME.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

$30 worth of paper is one big motherfucking hat.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

a used copy of r
kelly's album chocolate
factory looks like

it cost upwards of
twenty dollars when only seven
bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

alternatively a papier mache full scale model of R Kelly

x-post: mindmeld.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Porno mag and kleenex was the best ever Secret Santa present I ever saw.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

seriously, last time i had to do a secret santa i had the most obnoxious, loud, irritating man in the office. i bought him a megaphone.
he drove everyone even crazier with it and everyone hated my guts all year and i thought it was the funniest thing ever.

ally, what you need to do is shoplift that secret santa gift, get caught, then call your boss (the "it's only $30, what the hell¿" guy) to spring you. that will really mess with his head.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

The past two years I've gotten really good booze out of my coworkers so I'm not complaining.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

just wrap up whatever crap you have lying around your house. like a half used bottle of mustard.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like that plan.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm so glad my company doesn't do this.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Alternately, you could get people these gifts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

it's almost like catching the real thing...

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Al Quedomon

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I plan on giving my secret Santa the gift that keeps on giving.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Gift certificates and charity cards have been strictly forbidden, just now!!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Give them a card that says, "I paid my electric bill."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan JOTO

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

This is when you take that whole "lump of coal" thing literally.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

stool, coal, tomayto, tomahto

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 54 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Worse than giving is having to go round the whole office getting donations. At my last job when someone in our department left, one of us had to go round three floors of journalists collecting and getting them to sign a card. Half of them wouldn't even know who the person was. It was one of the most painful things I've ever had to do. I think at one point I even said "Look, I'll forgo a present or card when I leave if I just don't have to do this". Still, I got a digital camera when I did eventually go, so that was good.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

See, what I would do is print out a list of names and then as each person donates/signs, they can tick off their name and pass it to the next person on the list.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what we do, but it's done by office rather than individual.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Our office was too big for that. It would have got lost or stolen somewhere. I'm glad that at least in my current job, we generally just keep it within our own little department.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahh - donations and Secret Santa. What a great thread to be about right now.

Madchen - I would hate to work in a job that had that. My last boss insisted on a friendly secret santa, which he rigged and there were no joke presents. I moved department (fortunately). The year before it was banned in another department due to Political Correctness! A guy bought a good female friend of his two car horns - she was very amused, someone complained and it was banned.

I have had a card come back to me for the fifth time for some guy in my department who is retiring. I don't know what he looks like, and feel it is kind of shit to even sign the thing before I find out who it is. At least it is the envelope pass round, and not some enforced regieme.

I have insisted to a colleague leaving next week that I will not start his, but noone else has. I think he deserves the fifty quid or so he would get for leaving - but, should I take that step towards evil and do it for him?

― 3underscore (___), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

If I don't like someone at my work or have never spoken to them i wont bother to sign the card or donate any money. I think that's fair.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

it's always amusing to read what people write on the cards though... one time someone wrote "happy birthday!!!" on somebody's leaving card. (not as a joke, either)

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

another great one was "HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY!!!" to someone whose birthday was the sunday just gone.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Our social retard developers think it's hilarious to write 'fuck off splitter' on ppl's leaving cards.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd be okay if they're mates i guess, but otherwise yeah

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

We donate $2 each month to pay for a birthday lunch and flowers or a gift for funerals, weddings, hospital stays, etc ... And we have to sign cards for everyone. At first I was put off by signing cards for people I'd never met and donating $24 a year - especially since I usually skip my own birthday lunch (because they always pick an awful place..) .. But now, I think $24 is the cheap and easy way out of having to deal with any of that shit throughout the year. I hand over money & I sign a card. I don't even look to see whose birthday (or whatever) it is. I just sign my name and pass it on.

Sometimes I wish I gave a modicum of shit about anyone else in this office...

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

My leaving card from my previous job depressed me terribly - after three and a half years there all that people could write was "good luck". Almost no-one tried to write anything remotely personal or interesting. Cunts.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

that's probablt because they all hated you!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually put joke brackets around that! :-( sorry!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

not even "fuck off splitter"? :(

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost!!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Ken C, I poke you in the ribs & moan that you hate me!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

happy birthday pink!

xx ken

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Thoughtful & personal, yes I forgive you with kittens!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

:D if you do a whip round maybe i will get kitten food too!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Only if it will be anony-mouse (geddit?!) donations!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

It's pointless deciding not to give to a whip around. One of my colleagues recently refused to donate to a collection and by jaysus, his life's been made hell since.

Just give with a bad heart.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! the annoy mouse donations!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost, or pretend to give but put nothing into the envelope

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Just give with a bad heart.
But that's not right. "here have a sweet & I hope you choke on it! Love & kisses."

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

.. or better yet, put in a five and take nine as change.

xpost

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you could leave out the love and kisses bit.

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you could leave out the love and kisses bit.
Seriously, why should you donate money for someone you have never met?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

just think of it as charity

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I give to charities I like!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

i sometimes imagine i'm donating for the mentally retarded trust fund.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Who said you should?

In the case I was talking about, the refuser knew the person for whom the collection was being made.

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

But later find out you were voting for Bush? *snigger*
x-post
Was that directed at me Penelope?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

On my second day of work here, I was told I needed to get a present for a woman going on maternity leave.

Recently, I was asked to give money for an employee's wife who was preggo. I kept avoiding it. I didn't even believe she was pregnant and it was a weird situation. But the same lady (the VP's sister who doesn't even really work here) kept pestering me every day about bringing money. I finally did and - voila - she was lieing about being pregnant. I want my money back!

We're doing secret santa. I can opt out of it though. It's $15.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

ten years pass...

So, what should I get my colleague? Five quid maximum. She is in a David Bowie tribute band and loves Nick Cave.

(Also, the best and worst presents you've received?)

― djh, Wednesday, 19 November 2014 20:17 (eleven years ago)

four years pass...

fuck this shit

― Toss another shrimpl air on the bbqbbq (ledge), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:31 (seven years ago)

I got an ironing board last year.

I don't work there any more.

― Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:32 (seven years ago)

you hurled it into the middle of the works xmas dinner table in a fit of rage?

― Toss another shrimpl air on the bbqbbq (ledge), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:38 (seven years ago)

you got a what

― fans annoyed as emily atack screams over nick knowles' kumquat (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:39 (seven years ago)

Not an easy thing to carry in or out of work. Unless you work next to a homeware depot.

― Stevolende, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:41 (seven years ago)

I left it under the tree for whoever thought it was a good idea to clear up.

― Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:41 (seven years ago)

trying to choose between beer and a guitar app of some kind

app pros: might be actually be useful, no waste
app cons: nothing to actually receive and unwrap

beer pros: it's beer

― Toss another shrimpl air on the bbqbbq (ledge), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 12:23 (seven years ago)

Second christmas for me in my current place of work and we do this, except that the gifts have to be cheese. It's awesome.

― brain (krakow), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:02 (seven years ago)

tough gig for the lactose-intolerant

― fans annoyed as emily atack screams over nick knowles' kumquat (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:03 (seven years ago)

Getting mine a trump wig

― calstars, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:12 (seven years ago)

I quite enjoy this in theory but, this year, we have moved to an automated system where we are prompted to buy things off other people’s Amazon wish lists; which seems completely pointless. If you can’t express your opinion of colleagues via the gifts you choose to send them, 99% of the fun goes away.

― ShariVari, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:12 (seven years ago)

Yeah, I hadn't considered the possibility of lactose-intolerance.

― brain (krakow), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:13 (seven years ago)

I am so glad I don't have to do this this year. Bosses should just buy everyone lunch and give them a gift card to somewhere. Done.

― Yerac, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:22 (seven years ago)

I had teammates at one job that knew how much I hated cards and stuff like that so every year for my birthday they would give me a blank card (so i could give it to someone else) and we would eat a bunch of desserts for lunch, it was perfect. When I left my last job my officemate gave me a bottle of japanese whiskey and my IT team sent me riedel wineglasses and decanter. They knew me so well.

― Yerac, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:25 (seven years ago)

I got an ironing board last year.

I don't work there any more.

― Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, December 12, 2018 5:32 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Desperately trying to remember which song ends with this couplet.

― my hand is finally unglued from my face (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:30 (seven years ago)

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